When Yaakov said, “I did not learn from Lavan’s evil ways,” he wasn’t bragging

“… So said your servant Yaakov, I’ve been living with Lavan….” (Bereishis 32:5)

Rashi quotes a famous midrash that the numerical value of garti — I have lived — is 613, as if to say, “I lived with Lavan, the evil one, yet I kept the 613 commandments and didn’t learn from his evil ways.”

Someone asked the Chofetz Chaim, “How could Yaakov Avinu make such a bold statement, that actually borders on haughtiness?”

The Chofetz Chaim focused on the last few words of the midrash and answered that on the contrary, this isn’t a reflection of haughtiness, rather it’s a reflection of tremendous humility. The point Yaakov was making, “I saw Lavan, how he acted with mesirus nefesh and devotion to his [evil] cause. I could’ve learned from his devotion and applied it to my lifestyle.” (Rabbi Yissocher Frand)

I

sraelis of all stripes carefully save (or borrow) money to add much-needed living space to their homes. Several years ago, we decided to add two more rooms to our stretched-to-the-seams apartment.

Our first appointment with the architect led me to realize that architects have lucrative businesses in this country. The waiting room was gorgeous, all light and mirrors, white couches, and a glossy marbled coffee table piled high with decorating magazines. While waiting our turn, I was drawn to the pile of home decorating magazines. Wow. Page after glossy page of stunning living rooms, stately dining areas, cozy bedrooms, and sleek kitchens. If the goal was to give customers an idea of what they were looking for, the goal was met because I instantly had kitchen envy. (Although to have a completely white kitchen as displayed means I’d need live-in help.) Besides, we weren’t even planning on renovating the kitchen at all!

Last Friday, I went to pick up my dry cleaning. The owner is an immigrant who barely speaks English.

I asked him, “Did you enjoy your Thanksgiving?”

He said, “Yeah, I watched football, all three games.” A football game lasts approximately three hours. This means he spent nine straight hours of his “vacation” watching football. Halevi I should be able to sit by a Gemara for nine straight hours. However, (unfortunately), “I did not learn from his ways.”

Thankfully our turn came sooner rather than later, because I don’t think I could’ve withstood the temptation much longer. But my test wasn’t over just yet. As we began to discuss angles, and meters, the architect began to give different ideas for better, bigger, brighter rooms. I’m sure this was just a sign of how good she was at her job, but she was pulling me to places I didn’t want to go. I had the basics of what we wanted to do, I just needed tech help on how to do it.

Another example hit me on Black Friday. You have people lining up outside Target the entire night before, in the hope they’ll be one of the first to take advantage of the great sales.

I can’t think of anything in this world for which I would camp out overnight for eight hours straight. Still, “I didn’t learn from these people’s ways,” to be acting with enthusiasm and mesirus nefesh for my way of life.

When Yaakov said, “I did not learn from Lavan’s evil ways,” he wasn’t bragging. He was confessing that he had a tremendous mentor in devotion and he failed to learn from him.

We finished our first meeting and I came home feeling very shaky. I analyzed my house, every corner, window, considering what could be changed, what should be changed. My strong ideas had dissolved and instead I was feeling loads of “if only…” “I wish…” and “maybe we should…”

But by the time our next meeting came around, I was fortified with stronger ideas and convictions and determined not to be sucked into the glossy images with their tantalizing ideas. I could appreciate the look, and stop there.

There’s a lot I could have learned from that catalogue: how to decorate a stunning house, or how to overcome my impulses and renovate as needed. You’ll have to pay me a visit to see what I learned.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 971)