I try to explain that this time in school is especially important

Dear Parents...

MY

best friend, Charna, retired this year. She was an outstanding teacher with decades of experience in every grade, girls and boys. Charna’s family moved often, and her reputation preceded her; she was greeted with open arms at every school in every town they lived in.

A few years ago, Charna and her husband moved to my hometown. I was delighted, and so were the local schools. Though a longtime bubby, my friend had no intention of retiring, and her age absolutely did not define her; her projects were new and exciting, and administrators often asked her for help on how to use the smart boards installed in their classrooms.

Every day, Charna would bound into the fifth-grade boys’ classroom and fill the children with a love of Yiddishkeit and some practical knowledge. She’d bring in Rav Avigdor Miller’s books and articles to supplement her lessons. She was hands-on, and led her class in exciting projects. Which ten-year-old boy didn’t love the life-size skeleton Charna had her students cut out and reassemble?

But within a few years of her move, I noticed that Charna’s sparkle was missing. I watched as my friend sadly lost the joy she had for teaching. Each morning filled her with dread in place of excitement.

It came down to two things: the chutzpah she encountered in the classroom, and her students’ parents not backing her up.

“I’ve been teaching for thirty years,” she told me. “This is something else. It’s not just the chutzpah. It’s an overall dismissal of the subject matter. The kids don’t appreciate secular studies. They argue with me about learning science or history, telling me that it’s useless since it has nothing to do with Torah.

“I tried everything. First, I’d bring in our leaders, like the Rambam, who had a clear understanding of these topics — he was a doctor! — but nothing doing. There is just no respect.”

As to why she didn’t reach out to the parents, Charna told me she did.

“They feel bad, but they say they can’t change their child’s behavior in the classroom, and I need to deal with it.”

She told me about the steps the school employed to rein in the chutzpah. Finally, she was able to teach her class. But what a waste to spend half her time disciplining instead of teaching.

I won’t pretend my children were never fresh with their teachers. But when my young son was with a group of boys giving their very kind math teacher a hard time, or my daughter and her teenage know-it-all friends tested their new teacher’s limits, I never left it to the teacher to deal with! These are my children — it is my responsibility to train them in middos.

And the consequences were real. No Yiddle League games for two weeks (even though my son was a star pitcher). No sleepovers for a month for my daughter (even though one of them was for a birthday bash for her close friend). My children heard the message loud and clear.

Looking at Charna now, watching her age before her time in her newly retired stage, I wonder: Where are the parents of these wonderful young children? Why aren’t they nipping this in the bud? There is absolutely no excuse for the chutzpah that children display today, especially when it is directed at someone dedicated to their education.

Parents, on behalf of Charna and her fellow teachers, I beg you: Stand up to your children and teach them right from wrong. Whatever your personal feelings on math and science, remember that their teachers are deserving of respect as people and as authority figures. If you don’t step up to your responsibility to teach your children proper derech eretz — who will?

Sincerely,

Charna’s Friend

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 968)