Our teacher told us not to host seminary girls

Dear Seminary Administrators:

AS someone who has lived in Yerushalayim for the past seven years, I’ve had the privilege of hosting many seminary girls for Shabbos and Yom Tov meals. I genuinely enjoy doing it. I do it out of warmth, love, and a desire to give the girls a true taste of home while they’re far from theirs.

However, I’ve begun to hear painful comments from some seminary administrators and teachers. On multiple occasions, girls have said to me, while literally eating at my table, “Our teacher told us that when we’re married, we should never host seminary girls — it’s not tzniyus.”

I’m left speechless. While I sit here, providing these girls with food and hospitality in my own home, they’re being told by some of their educators that what I’m doing is inappropriate?

I’ve also heard things like, “Our seminary tells us to stay away from the young American communities here,” and have even heard that one seminary made fun of my neighborhood with a song in their production.

I was once standing outside the grocery store when I overheard three seminary girls saying, “All the wives from this area look exactly the same.”

I approached them and said, “And you three? You’re all wearing the same sweatshirt, the same hairstyle, the same brand shoes and socks. What makes you think you’re any different?”

They laughed and told me, “You should speak in our seminary!”

No, I shouldn’t. I wouldn’t be able to control what I’d say.

Let me be clear: This letter is not about defending my neighborhood. This is about reminding seminaries not to bite the hand that feeds your girls — literally and figuratively. Every week, American families living in Israel open their homes, their tables, and their hearts to your students. Not for recognition, but because we genuinely care.

In years past, seminary girls sought out the chavayah experience. Nowadays, many just want to feel at home, and that means they’re eating with us. You may say that you provide meals in the dorm and arrange Yom Tov meals. And yet, I had more than ten girls ask me if I keep two days of Yom Tov this year. That’s not because they were eating in the dining room at seminary — it’s because they wanted to eat in my home.

Please understand: I’m not complaining about hosting your girls. I’m not asking for thanks, though it would be nice. I’m simply saying it’s unacceptable — and frankly, terrible chinuch — for some seminary teachers and administrators to speak poorly of the very people who are supporting and sustaining their students.

Do seminaries ever acknowledge these families? Rarely. But this isn’t about personal offense.

It’s about values, and — plain and simple — it’s about bad middos.

A Concerned Host

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 966)