Strategies for intentional living from experts who get it

Fed Is Best

Dr. Jennie Berkovich

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ew and veteran parents face many choices when deciding how best to care for a newborn, and feeding decisions can feel overwhelming even for experienced moms. The truth is there’s no one “right” way to feed a baby. I often tell parents “fed is best,” meaning as long as the baby and parent are nourished and thriving, the right decision has been made.

Mother’s milk is commonly called “liquid gold,” and that description is well-earned. It’s perfectly tailored to a baby’s needs and changes over time. In the first few days, a mother’s body produces colostrum, a thick, yellowish milk rich in antibodies that protect the baby’s digestive tract. Over the following weeks, the milk transitions to mature milk, which contains the right balance of fat, protein, and carbohydrates for growth and energy. Mother’s milk is also full of living cells, enzymes, and immune factors that help protect against illnesses such as ear infections, respiratory infections, and some allergies.

Most medical organizations recommend exclusive nursing for the first six months and then continuing alongside complementary foods for up to two years or beyond, as long as it works for both mother and baby. I never give a hard cutoff for when nursing should stop; this is a personal and hashkafic decision, not a medical one.

For medically fragile or premature babies, mother’s milk can be especially protective. When milk from a baby’s mother is unavailable, pasteurized donor mother’s milk from an accredited milk bank is considered the next best option. Donor milk is screened, processed, and pasteurized to remove harmful bacteria while preserving many of the protective elements of mother’s milk.

However, nursing isn’t always easy. Many mothers face low milk supply, latching difficulties, or pain during feeding. Postpartum anxiety or depression can be worsened by nursing, resulting in a risky situation for both the mom and baby. There are also situations where the caregiver isn’t the birth parent. All of these are valid reasons to consider alternative feeding methods. Lactation consultants, pediatricians, and support groups can offer guidance, reassurance, and practical help.

When nursing or mother’s milk isn’t possible or preferred, infant formula is a safe and nutritious alternative. Modern formulas are designed to mimic mother’s milk closely, providing complete nutrition for healthy growth and development. They contain essential proteins, fats, vitamins, and minerals, and some include added nutrients like DHA and ARA for brain and eye development. All infant formulas sold in the United States are regulated by the FDA to meet strict safety standards. In my experience, most standard milk-based formulas perform equally well, and the cheapest store brand is usually just as effective as organic or specialty formulas. Some babies, however, may have milk protein intolerance or significant reflux, and specialty formulas are available for those situations.

It’s critical to avoid unregulated, imported, or homemade formulas, which can be unsafe and lack essential nutrients. Regular goat milk should also be avoided, as it lacks key nutrients, has unsafe protein and mineral levels, and can strain an infant’s developing kidneys.

Healthy babies, whether nursing or formula-fed, generally double their birth weight by around five months and triple it by one year. Regardless of the feeding method, thriving babies who are gaining weight and meeting developmental milestones are the best marker that parents are making the right choice for their family.

Dr. Jennie Berkovich is a board-certified pediatrician in Chicago and serves as the Director of Education for the Jewish Orthodox Women's Medical Association (JOWMA)

It Frees Us

Abby Delouya

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hy is it so hard to admit when we make mistakes? Why do we choose defensiveness when we can choose humility, and distance when we can choose connection? Most of us can experience fear-based knee-jerk reactions to being held accountable. We deflect blame even from our earliest years (cue: Who spilled the milk on the kitchen floor? Not me, not me).”

Just as we have fight, flight, and freeze instincts to protect our physical well-being, we defend our psychological sense of self when we feel threatened emotionally. We see in children an almost irrational, dogged need to be right and know everything, and that impulse takes intentional work to eradicate.

While our child selves might fear getting into trouble, as adults, we can actually draw people closer and deepen relationships when we take accountability. When we admit we made a mistake, we increase trust and practice humility and honesty.

Take Yosef, who forgot to fill up the tank with gas as he promised his wife, Tirtza. The next morning, Tirtza ran out, already late for work and carpool, only to realize she needed to add 15 minutes to her commute in order to fill up the car. Tirtza’s morning tardiness led to a breathless day of playing catch-up. Tirtza blamed Yosef for her chaotic day and shared her deeply felt sense of annoyance.

“I’m sorry, Tirtza. I was distracted on a call on the way home and I totally forgot. That must have been so frustrating. You work so hard and do so much. I’m really sorry.”

Tirtza blinks. And shares her frustration again, but it’s softer, more generalized. Yosef not only took responsibility, he showed compassion and empathy.

Accountability doesn’t weaken us — it frees us. When we trade defensiveness for humility, we open the door to growth and connection. Mistakes no longer define us; how we respond to them does.

Abby Delouya RMFT, CPTT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice with a specialty in trauma and addiction. She’s also the Director of Intake and Care Management at Ray of Hope.

Give Them Grounding

Sara Eisemann

“If you don’t stand for anything, you’ll fall for anything” —Unknown

One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and our children is a strong foundation of our core beliefs. Beyond emunah and bitachon, which are the bedrocks, every family has their core values — the vision that drives that family’s mission.

When children are aware of and allied with that mission, it creates a deep sense of rootedness. It provides protection in a world whose values are constantly changing and gives them courage to hold their ground in the face of sweeping winds. When children see us stand up for our beliefs by living concordant lives, we give them the grounding to stay upright.

Sara Eisemann, LMSW, ACSW, is a licensed therapist, Directed Dating coach and certified Core Mentor.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 967)