Our default setting is calm

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noisy brain is very annoying. It comments on everything, but almost always with an anxious, distressed, or otherwise unhappy bent. It moans and cries about our to-do list, it picks out flaws in everything and everyone, it berates us, frightens us, and depresses us. It disturbs the peace.

“My house is small, cramped, and messy. I can’t live like this.”

“My daughter-in-law thinks I’m her on-call babysitter and I’m getting fed up with her attitude.”

“My son is completely wild. I hate going out with him in public.”

The problem is, of course, that each negative thought brings along with it a toxic chemical/emotional package. The emotional and physical consequences are real. But what can we do? We’re just dealing with reality. Or are we?

What Is Real?

Among the many psychological theories out there, there is one called Innate Health. One particularly helpful concept within the theory is its take on the nature of reality. It states that we can’t experience reality directly, but rather only indirectly, through our perceiving, analyzing, and interpreting activities. These activities filter what happens to us — they don’t produce a “truth.” Therefore, the loss of a thousand dollars is whatever we “filter” it to be: a tragedy, an annoyance, a form of atonement, an opportunity. It depends on us and the story we are telling.

Our story that our spouse is controlling is a thought we’re thinking. Its chemical profile makes us miserable. After a couples counseling session, we may come to think of this same partner as anxious, not controlling, a thought that elicits our compassion. The story changed, but the spouse is the same person. What’s real for us changes from moment to moment as new thoughts enter our consciousness.

We tell ourselves stories about everything, all day long. Just recognizing that our thoughts are our feelings/chemically laden stories actually loosens their grip on us. Once we acknowledge that they’re creations rather than reality, we can look at them a bit more skeptically. Maybe it’s true that I’m not an interesting person. Or maybe that’s just my current story. Hey, it turns out that I don’t have to believe everything I think! This is truly liberating.

Where Do Thoughts Come from and Where Do They Go?

Another interesting aspect of the Innate Health theory is that Hashem has installed a state of quiet peace in each of us as our “factory default setting.” We all have a Mind that is expansive, compassionate, loving, serene, and directly connected to our Source. As a result, wisdom, serenity, and guidance are constantly flowing into us. Each of us has constant access to this place filled with wise inner guidance and steadfast calm. Like the sun that sits permanently in the sky but is obscured by rain clouds, Mind never disappears; it may simply be temporarily obscured by disruptive, “cloudy” thoughts. And clouded thoughts are conclusions we’ve drawn rather than facts that we must heed.

Maybe it’s a disaster that I’m going to be late for the doctor’s appointment, but maybe that’s just a disturbing thought, a passing energy. If I leave it alone, it will float away on its own. I don’t have to grab it, bounce it, stretch it, sing to it, or otherwise nurture it!

This new permission to take thoughts far less seriously frees up plentiful energy, avoids ingesting the toxic chemical soup and allows the thought to float into oblivion. According to Innate Health, Hashem created a self-healing system for us. Just like leaving a cut to heal allows Hashem’s magical healing process to kick in, while constantly picking at the scab only aggravates the wound and slows down healing, so leaving a bad feeling/thought alone (recognizing it as a sort of wound) speeds its natural healing process.

Think & Go

In order to make the theory practical, remember that Mind is our default setting, ever present and available. As negative thoughts arise (“I’ve called her three times, and she hasn’t called me even once”) and noted (“Okay...”), and then pretty well ignored (“I’d rather find my calm, grateful, peaceful happy place than continue to massage that nasty thought”), we can return more quickly and more often to this peaceful locale. Knowing this allows us to return again and again, diving deeper and deeper into the well of calm, finding it easier and easier each time.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 966)