Our thoughts, beliefs, and expectations can directly influence our physical and emotional experience

Mind Over Matter

Tsippy Kraus

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he brain is one of the most powerful and complex organs in the human body. One of its most fascinating roles is in how we experience sensation, particularly pain. When we experience an injury, the brain sends pain signals to alert us. But interestingly, even without actual injury, if we believe something will be painful, the brain can still generate that pain sensation.

Our thoughts, beliefs, and expectations can directly influence our physical and emotional experience. If we continuously tell ourselves that something will be frightening, overwhelming, or painful, our body will respond accordingly. Our heart rate might increase, our breathing may quicken, and stress hormones may surge — all real, physical reactions created from thought alone.

Imagine you’re relaxing on a lounge chair in the garden. You notice a few ants on the patio floor nearby, not a big deal. But then you spot one on the armrest of your chair, and you start to feel a little itchy. You look down, convinced one is crawling on your leg — but there’s nothing there. The longer you sit, the more the sensation grows, and soon it feels like your skin is crawling. Nothing actually touched you, but your mind sent a message and your body followed suit.

The mind-body connection is real. What we believe and anticipate can become what we feel.

Now, let’s apply this understanding to childbirth.

When we’re constantly told that birth is terrifying, excruciating, or traumatic, we internalize those expectations. Our mind becomes primed to see childbirth as something to fear, and the body responds accordingly. Fear triggers tension, which increases pain. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But what if we approach childbirth with a different mindset? What if, instead of expecting the worst, we prepare with positivity and trust in our body’s natural ability? By focusing on calm, supportive preparation through positive stories, relaxation techniques, and empowering education, we can create a sense of safety and control. This doesn’t mean pretending childbirth is always easy, but rather that we acknowledge its intensity while preparing our mind and body to respond with confidence, not fear.

In this way, our thoughts become powerful tools. Just as the brain can simulate pain and fear based on imagined scenarios, it can also support feelings of strength, calm, and resilience when fed encouraging, affirming messages.

One of the most effective strategies we can use to prepare for childbirth or other stressful situations is to change the internal narrative we tell ourselves. We can train the brain to believe a different, more positive reality, allowing the body to follow suit. This is beautifully captured in the famous phrase from the Lubavitcher Rebbe: “Tracht gut, vet zein gut — think good and it will be good.” The more we repeat a thought, the more our mind begins to accept it as truth.

A practical tool to support this is the use of positive affirmations. Start by identifying how you want to feel, what you want your mind and body to believe, and create short, powerful phrases to reflect that.

Examples include:

I’m calm, confident, and happy.

I trust my body.

I’m prepared and strong.

Hashem is my partner in this birth.

I will soon be meeting my baby.

Write these affirmations down and place them where you’ll see them often, on your mirror, fridge, or bedside table. You can also record yourself saying them, and play them back regularly. Over time, they begin to rewire your thought patterns, reinforcing confidence and calm.

You may be surprised by the shift in your mindset and the peace you feel as the event approaches. What we think is what we begin to feel.

Tsippy Kraus is a childbirth educator and birth trauma release practitioner. She also founded Birth Journeys Online, a prerecorded online childbirth education course for Jewish couples.

Dating with a Diagnosis

Rachel Burnham with Bassi Gruen

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hat if you’re dealing with a medical issue? A chronic condition, a disability, a genetic concern.

If that’s your reality, you’ve probably discovered that you won’t be everyone’s first choice. And that’s fine. Your medical condition can serve as a natural filter.

The very first girl in my seminary grade to get engaged was blind. Her chassan had serious facial deformities that made it difficult for most girls to date him. But she couldn’t see those deformities.

It was eye-opening for all of us. Hashem has someone for each of us, and it truly doesn’t matter what your package is.

Yes, there’s a good chance you’ll marry someone who also has a “something.” And that person will likely be more compassionate, more sensitive, and more thoughtful — not just toward you, but toward people in general — because of what they’ve been through.

Dating isn’t a popularity contest. It’s 99.99 percent rejection — until you meet the person you will marry. For everyone.

Once we stop fearing rejection, it loses its sting. We can accept it, appreciate the clarity it brings, and move forward to the next person with dignity and hope.

Rachel Burnham is a dating coach and speaker. After marrying at 34, she dedicated herself to helping singles date from their most authentic selves, navigate singlehood with dignity, and make it proudly to the chuppah.

Location, Location, Location

Zipora Schuck

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he golden rule in real estate holds true in the classroom, too. Certain seats become more valuable depending on student needs.

If your child leaves during the day for a remedial session, a better seat is closer to the exit of the classroom.

If you’re trying to help facilitate a new friendship, a better seat is near the student your child is trying to befriend. Proximity and small talk often help relationships develop.

Does your child struggle with following directions? A better seat is in the second position of any row, allowing them to observe what the student directly or diagonally in front of them is doing.

Does your child need to move around a little more or fidget with small toys? A better seat is toward the back of the classroom, so their movement doesn’t distract other students or garner constant attention from the teacher.

Does your child struggle to focus? A better seat is in the first seat of any row, where the teacher can easily see when they need to be redirected.

In younger grades, if your child is shorter than average, a better chair is one that allows their feet to easily touch the floor.

If your child is taller, please make sure their chair and desk are high enough to be comfortable. If your child is larger, make sure they can get in and out of their seat easily.

Most teachers and rebbeim switch seating plans throughout the year. Advocate for your child to get a preferential seat, explaining their needs.

Zipora Schuck MA. MS. is a NYS school psychologist and educational consultant for many schools in the NY/NJ area.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 958)