“But it’s a rule, and like it says in Pirkei Avos, if we didn’t have rules, we’d eat each other alive”

A New View on Hosting [Guestlines / Issue 1073]

Rabbi Kerzner’s articles always have a uniquely powerful blend — profound depth and substance, yet so practical and relevant to everyday life. His recent piece on the Shechinah in galus was a perfect example.

My wife and I gained tremendous chizuk from it. Over the past month, we’ve been hosting each of our married children with their families, and we’ll be continuing to do so for the next few weeks. As much as we love having them — with all our hearts — the constant entertaining, the noise, the mess…. It can be draining at times.

Rabbi Kerzner’s words reframed it for us completely. He taught that in these very moments of hosting, we are literally welcoming the Shechinah into our home, opening ourselves to Divine brachah. That perspective has changed the way we will experience the rest of the summer — and, I imagine, many other hosting moments in the future.

A.H.

Monsey

Reframing My Commute [Guestlines / Issue 1073]

I truly enjoyed Rav Aryeh Kerzner’s recent article about viewing one’s personal travels and “on-the-road” experiences as a form of personal galus.

About six months ago, I took a job that requires me to commute over an hour each way, every single day. It’s not easy — especially with young children at home who need my attention — but it is necessary to help support my family. When I mentioned my frustration to my rav, he suggested I apply Rav Kerzner’s perspective. He advised me that each morning on the way to work, and each evening on the way home, I should verbally articulate: This is my personal galus, and through it I am connecting to the Shechinah in galus. He explained that this reframing would transform my commute into a spiritual journey — and that traveling together with the Shechinah would open the door to yeshuos. I took his advice, and ever since, I have really witnessed extraordinary personal blessings.

I believe this change came directly from shifting my mindset — turning a daily frustration into an opportunity to travel with the Shechinah. I hope that by publicizing this idea, many other simple Yidden like me will join the “galus club” and experience their own personal yeshuos.

C. Richter

A Precious Perspective [Guestlines / Issue 1073]

Every so often, you come across an article that feels as though it is speaking directly to you. I want to thank Rabbi Kerzner for the beautiful and powerful piece he wrote  — not only for its universal message, but also for the personal chizuk it brought to our family.

Summer is not just a season of vacations and travel; it is also, for many, a practical time to move — during a long break and before the upcoming school year begins. This August, our family is undertaking the difficult move from Eretz Yisrael to America. We are leaving behind what has been familiar for almost two decades and stepping into the “galus” Rabbi Kerzner so poignantly described — uprooting our home, stability, and routines for an alternate, long-term reality.

Yet, b’ezras Hashem, we take this step with a mission and a goal, and with the hope for abundant siyata d’Shmaya. Rabbi Kerzner’s words offered us a precious perspective — that being a traveler in an unfamiliar place can be an act of emulating HaKadosh Baruch Hu, and that He will be with us on our journey, im yirtzeh Hashem.

Wishing everyone who is traveling, vacationing, or making a move that they truly find Hashem in all of their destinations and endeavors.

A Mother from Jerusalem

Try to Make It Work [Off Track / Double Take – Issue 1073]

This week’s Double Take was a real tough one! I’m glad it’s not a real story, and I sincerely hope it is not based on a true one.

Here’s our take on it:

One the one hand, before you make a sweeping rule for a community or group of people, you need to carefully consider how it will personally affect individuals. Rules made in haste and under pressure or anger are sure to go over poorly. The “board” should have given more thought to where this rule may step on the wrong people’s toes, and perhaps they would have decided to build in exceptions or provisos as needed (for example, certain teens could get a “pass” to drive and the pass could be revoked if used inappropriately).

On the other hand, when there’s a community rule, it’s not wise or fair to unilaterally decide to break it just because you reason it doesn’t apply to you (or it’s too inconvenient to keep). Anyone who had a personal issue with the rule could have gone to the powers that be to discuss their situation, rather than openly breaking the rule and undermining its authority.

As with so many situations, if both sides had been more considerate and careful to think about the other, a lot of frustration (and danger) could have been avoided.

Mindel Kassorla

If We Wouldn’t Have Rules… [Off Track / Double Take – Issue 1073]

L’havdil elef havdalos, let’s talk about Matan Torah. Stick with me here.

When Hashem gave the Torah at Har Sinai, He first went to each and every other nation. “I’d love for you to be My chosen nation on Earth, My representatives of virtue and goodness,” He said to them. “All you have to do is follow My laws, in this book called the Torah.”

“Great! Fantastic!” exclaimed the nations. “Well, nu, what does the Torah say?”

“Good question,” He replied. “It says, ‘Don’t murder.’ ‘Honor your parents.’ ‘Don’t worship idols.’ ‘Keep Shabbos,’ ” and so forth.

“Hmmm...” each nation hesitated. “That won’t work for us. See, our nation needs to [insert aveirah or ignoring mitzvah here]. Try someone else.”

And the only nation to give an unconditional yes — even before hearing what was in the Torah — were the Jews.

Again, l’havdil elef havdalos. Back to the Double Take.

Colony board sends out a new rule: no kids on the golf carts. There have been too many near misses and accidents, the teens are simply too irresponsible to be given the keys. Unfortunately for Simmy Steiner, her daughter is caught in the crossfire, and though she is responsible, and Simmy is reliant on her responsibility to shuttle his younger ones from their inconvenient bungalow, she can no longer use the golf cart.

The problem here is twofold.

One: Getting back to the above dialogue between Hashem and the nations, we saw that even one deviation from one rule in the entire list of 613 was enough to make every other nation tepidly back off from accepting the Torah. L’havdil, the colony has bylaws and rules, and one has just been added: No teens on the golf carts. No exceptions. You want your responsible daughter to ride a golf cart? Fantastic! It can’t be in this bungalow colony anymore. Which leads us to....

Two: Everyone is going to find some reason why they are the exception. It’s not a bad thing per se. It’s human nature. We see a generalized rule, and we say, “That wasn’t made for me. That’s for people who are x. I’m not x. It doesn’t apply.” What is x? Doesn’t matter. X is different for everyone, because everyone will see something in a rule that makes them think that they are the One Special Case that doesn’t have to abide.

I’ve found myself in Simmy Steiner’s shoes many times. I probably will many more times in the future. I’ll probably grumble about it, like I’ve most likely grumbled in the past. But it’s a rule, and like it says in Pirkei Avos, if we didn’t have rules, we’d eat each other alive.

Matthew/Matisyahu S.

Beaming with Pride [Support at the Abyss / Issue 1073]

Having known Reb Avi Tenenbaum for his entire life, first as a neighbor and eventually as his eighth grade rebbi, I was beaming with pride as I read of his accomplishments and the gevuras hanefesh he has maintained to get to where he is.

Due to his great humility, Avi did not share with your readership that he always felt a tremendous bikush (the word ‘ambition’ doesn’t quite do it justice) to be the best he could be, and knew that his time would come to become the outstanding ben Torah that he is, as well as well as an incredible resource for the klal. His grandfather, Rabbi Meir Dudovitz z”l, a great educator in his own right, would often tell me how much belief he had in Avi and that he had no doubt he would soar to great heights. Schools and yeshivos are not always the most fertile ground to develop the rare talents people like him possess, and they can often frustrate those who have unique abilities and strengths. The Avi Tenenbaums of this world have no template to follow, yet he was able to understand who he was and how he would excel, which of course he did. I recall some very deep conversations we shared at different points in Avi’s life that are not necessarily for public consumption, but it was always very clear that this young man dreamed big to bring his particular talents to fruition. We all have so much to learn from him and admire him for.

Rabbi Henoch Plotnik

A Story of Hope [The Flickering Flame / Issue 1072]

The Holocaust is a time period that must be taught about with sensitivity and understanding, and at an appropriate age. It is unfortunate that you were introduced to the written testimony of survivors at the very young age of ten, an age that most people would consider too young to understand the intricacies of our history.

I also think it was very natural that you were drawn to this topic as the daughter of a survivor. That is the natural curiosity of a child who yearns to understand their parents.

However, of all the books to relate to in that manner, Go My Son, a book reprinted many times and one that is available in multiple languages including Braille, is not the typical Holocaust material. On a surface level, it is an adventure akin to Homer’s Odyssey where Chaim Shapiro is trying so desperately to return home while Hashem is manipulating his journey to prevent him from reaching his family.

On a scholarly level, it is an analysis of the politics and history of war-filled Europe, bringing us into the homes and lives of people living in cultures and environments we will never encounter.

But on a more sophisticated level, it is a story of complete and absolute emunah. It is unlike other Holocaust stories that take place in concentration camps and amid the horrors of gas chambers.

It is a story of hope. It is a story of resilience.

It is a story of a 17-year-old boy whose daily goal was to stay alive and keep mitzvos to the best of his ability, under impossible circumstances. Chaim Shapiro merited to use every talent Hashem gave him to keep his Yiddishkeit alive. Ultimately, it is the story of absolute hope, redemption and the rebuilding of our nation in the face of destruction. The theme of Go, My Son and the life of Chaim Shapiro has never been more relevant.

Anonymous

In Defense of the Kichels

I’ve noticed a lot negativity directed at the Kichels comic strip and have decided that I must speak up!

I love the Kichels comic strip. It provides lots of social commentary and always makes me laugh. Sometimes it hits close to home, and that is a good thing! Please don’t listen to the negativity! Keep telling it “like it is” with your grace and humor. Whatever you do, please, please do not change a thing.

A very loyal fan!

Devorah Friedlander

Modiin, Israel

The Songs Still Resonate [Voice in the Crowd / Issue 1072]

I’m not the letter-writer type but after reading Yisroel Besser’s Voice in the Crowd about camps and color war songs, (yes, I thought he was going to write and stick up for the bochurim who go on wacky road trips!) I felt the need to add my own personal experience.

As someone who went to camp for over ten years, starting as a camper and doing the whole system: camper, mesivta program, staff.... I was never the one who remembered the silly skits and plays but some of those songs still resonate inside me. When we’d sing, “Achim, you’re my home don’t leave me all alone...” it wasn’t just trying to impress the judges and wanting them to grade us well to win color war. It was true emotion at the thought that we were about to leave camp and all that we gained here is something we want to carry with us forever. (And yes, I can write a whole article about the mailehs of camp over other summer activities and of course mailehs of Camp Achim over other camps!)

“Only a father can show love in the rebuke that he gives” (ttto: “Es Panecha,” Simcha Leiner) and so many other papers headed with the instructions “ttto:” with lines that created a lasting impact on me, and now on my family.

I remember being a staff member when the color war teams were Ivdu Besimchah and Gilu Bir’adah. I was on Gilu Bir’adah and I remember going along with a bunch of friends to Rav Elya Brudny, who spends his summers in Camp Achim (yes that’s a maileh over other camps!) and hearing from him all about that topic.

I’ll never forget when, a month later, when Rosh Hashanah was around the corner, all the lessons and insights we picked up over color war came back to me and had a strong impact on my davening. I can go on forever! I thank Hashem for allowing me so many years in camp and for giving me parents who understood the same and sent me to camp, and not to Yehupetzville, Arkansas, for many summers.

I may have left camp but it never left me.

Anonymous

Give Credit Where It’s Due [Voice in the Crowd / Issue 1072]

I’d like to express endless hakaras hatov to Reb Yisroel Besser for drawing attention to our theme song, “This Is Why” from Camp Agudah Midwest color war last year, which we recently released on 24Six. Those who write songs in camp understand what it means to put in the hours of work throughout the whole night. I just want to give proper credit where credit is due. Meir Zheutlin wrote the song together with me, and spent the entire night from start to finish (and pushed me to stay locked in), helping make the song what it is. In addition, Yudi Russel and Moishe Rosenberg contributed with lyrics so here’s our opportunity to say thank you!

Y.C. Shur

PS Thank you to the amazing color war General Tzviki Gillig and Lt. Zander Gluck

(And to all those asking, yes, we did win)

It’s Personal

[Cover / Issue 1071]

I’d like to comment on the cover of your issue featuring the article about the Druze conflict. Most people probably glanced at the image, which shows a crowd of Druze people, and perhaps felt the drama with the flames in the background, and then flipped to the first page.

When my chayal son came home the next week and saw the cover, he pointed out that the bald soldier is his sergeant major who runs his base. He is a Druze. Many soldiers on my son’s base at the Syrian border are Druze. In fact, my son’s direct commander is a Druze who has had six or seven family members murdered in Syria in this conflict. It is not just a sensational cover. It is a whole story. And here in Israel, everything is personal. Thank you for an impactful and meaningful cover.

Abby Messer

Neve Daniel, Israel

He’s as Jewish as We Are [Screenshot / Issue 1071]

Just wanted to clarify something in Shoshana Friedman’s Screenshot in Issue 1071.

Mr. Evan Brown may live in the Catskills and come to help with all of the camp productions; however, he would be very insulted with the hillbilly adjective (looks aside!). Evan, as we all called and call him, sees this as his good deed for Jewish camps, schools, and organizations. After years of working with Evan, he informed me that he was as Jewish as I was and this is his calling. He’s still around, helping productions happen. October 7 tore at his heart and he has quite a bit to say on the subject. We never know who we are interacting with. This is a reminder that we always have to make a kiddush Hashem.

Judith Raizy Nathan, EdD

(I’m still in camp. I escape in the summer to run the pool in Bnoseinu!)

A Missing Point [Perspectives / Issue 1068]

We are writing in response to the letter written by Mrs. Chaya Lasson, in response to Dr. Berman’s article. We are the family on the Zoom call with the hospitalist that she mentioned, and we wanted to, first and foremost, thank Mrs. Lasson for her extraordinary compassion and desire to help our family in any way she was able to. She agreed to join this Zoom call with the hospitalist at the last second and was a source of support and knowledge that helped us immeasurably.

When she spoke up on the call regarding his use of “quality of life,” it was with such clarity and with the utmost respect that the doctor was truly able to listen and understand our perspective and wanted to hear more about our culture. We are so grateful that we had a frum advocate with us when discussing hospice care.

In reference to Dr. Berman’s article, it is certainly a very important one, addressing an undeniably disturbing trend in health care — particularly in hospitals. However, as a family that has, unfortunately, had many experiences with end-of-life questions in recent years, including DNRs, life support, and hospice care, we felt that there was something extremely important missing from the article. In each circumstance that we found ourselves in, we were always able to face the doctors with the knowledge and confidence that we had consulted daas Torah and were making the right decisions based on that guidance.

It is imperative that families know that they must ask sh’eilos to a rav who is knowledgeable in these issues before making any decisions. Not only does it ensure you are following halachah, but it also brings peace of mind. We never felt discomfort with any decisions we made because we were confident in our adherence to daas Torah. Additionally, it is of utmost importance for every person to have prepared a Halachic Living Will. With that in place, there is no question of which rav should be consulted. This eliminates any machlokes or bad feelings about the choice of rav. We are six siblings, with six different rabbanim that we each follow, but there was never any question of who to consult, because the Halachic Living Will stated that clearly.

We daven that no other families should face these situations, but hope that this, along with Dr. Berman’s valuable article will help if, chas v’shalom, the need arises.

The Braun Family

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1074)