She gives generously to the poor; Her hands are stretched out to the needy

כַּ֭פָּהּ פָּֽרְשָׂ֣ה לֶעָנִ֑י

וְ֝יָדֶ֗יהָ שִׁלְּחָ֥ה לָאֶבְיֽוֹן

True Kindness

Rebbetzin Shira Smiles

The Midrash associates this pasuk with the widow of Tzarfas who provided sustenance for Eliyahu Hanavi. Eliyahu had declared a drought and spent the first part of it by the Brook of K’ris. He drank from its waters, and ravens provided him with food. When the brook dried up, Hashem commanded him to go to Tzarfas, to the home of a widow who would provide for him. Upon entering the city, he came upon a woman collecting twigs. Just like Eliezer, Avraham Avinu’s servant, he tested her to see if she was the one Hashem had chosen as his provider, and asked her for some water. Although there was a severe shortage in the land, the Navi tells us, “Vateilech lakachas” (Melachim 1 17:11), she went to bring water with a full heart.

Eliyahu Hanavi then asked her for bread. She responded that she had only enough bread for herself and her son; after eating it, they were going to die of hunger. The Alshich Hakadosh notes that she didn’t say that she couldn’t give him bread, and interprets her response to mean she was telling Eliyahu Hanavi that she’d prefer to give him the little bread she had and at least die after having done a mitzvah!

The Alshich learns many lessons about chesed from this story. One is that Hashem will always repay a person who gives to others. Eliyahu Hanavi promised her that her oil and flour wouldn’t run out. According to the Alshich, the jug of oil didn’t suddenly fill to the top and her store of flour didn’t increase. Rather, each day she used the little that she had, but the amount left remained the same. What faith she had in Eliyahu’s blessing.

The widow’s greatness lay in her willingness to help a complete stranger, even when she was in dire straits. Rav Nissan Alpert ztz”l observes that the expression “chesed v’emes” carries an important message, that we should first approach a potential opportunity to help with a desire to give. Only then can we assess the situation with the perspective of emes, to see what is actually needed. If you look at a person collecting money with the eyes of emes first, you’ll inevitably question their legitimacy. If you set out with the intention to help another, even if you need to be discerning, you will still give.

The widow of Tzarfas had that approach. She’s the paradigm of an eishes chayil whose priority is chesed.

Rebbetzin Shira Smiles is a lecturer in the Yerushalayim area, and a mechaneches in Darchei Binah Seminary. She is the author of Torah Tapestries, which includes extensive essays on each parshah, and Arise and Aspire, on birchos hashachar.

Discreet Assistance

Rebbetzin Debbie Greenblatt

T

he mefarshim distinguish between the ani and the evyon, with the latter being the more destitute of the two, to the point that he no longer feels shame in asking for a handout.

In this pasuk there are two different words used for a person’s hand — kapehah and yadehah — and our mefarshim draw a parallel. Kapayim refers to the fingers and hands that are able to do more delicate labor, a reference to spinning thread mentioned in the previous pasuk. A yad refers to more of the hand and arm, and is connected to less delicate, more overt effort. In our pasuk, it’s the yad that the eishes chayil extends to the evyon — who has nothing and is in need of everything — to offer whatever she can.

Our Sages teach us, “Ein ani ela b’daas — There’s no poverty except for daas,” the understanding of Hashem’s presence and Oneness in the world, the deep consciousness of which has been integrated into our personality. When a person is missing daas, they’re missing a fundamental tool with which to live their lives and realize their spiritual potential; the reason they were put on this earth. A person who senses their poverty in this area is ashamed, and that bushah requires a delicate and tactful response. Our eishes chayil, with her highly cultivated level of sensitivity, extends kapehah, her hands that can do the delicate work of providing that understanding privately. She knows how to give to the ani that which he’s most lacking, in a way he can receive it, and as a result, his poverty is truly lessened.

As Shlomo Hamelech teaches us in Mishlei (24:3-4): A house is built by wisdom, and is established by understanding. Through knowledge (daas) are its rooms filled with all precious and beautiful things. The Metzudas Dovid says it’s because of daas that the rooms are filled. When an eishes chayil can gently guide those she comes in contact with in the direction of daas, the effect is profound. The rooms are a metaphor for our minds (Meiri), and when we acquire daas, this changes our ability to bring light to everyone we interact with, both in our home and outside.

Rebbetzin Debbie Greenblatt is a senior lecturer for the Gateways organization and a teacher of both the observant and the not-yet-observant. She is also director of education at Core.

Intelligent Giving

Mrs. Shira Hochheimer

I

watched a friend of mine when a meshulach knocked on her door. He told her he had 14 children and was marrying off the seventh. She didn’t say, “Let me see your teudah,” or even “Let me get my checkbook.” She said, “Mazel tov! What a simchah for Klal Yisrael!” When she handed the meshulach the check, she said, “I wish I could give more. Can I have your name to include in my tefillos for your parnassah?” And finally, joyfully, she said, “May you have many more simchahs and enjoy them without needing to travel!”

The meshulach came downcast and left with a smile. He had been seen, and had received tzedakah like he was part of the family.

This is how the eishes chayil gives tzedakah. She not only gives, she gives with sensitivity and makes the recipient feel good as they receive.

When an ani comes knocking on the door, kapah parsah — she gives from her own palm (Rav Chaim Sirero). She gives with dignity, as one friend to another, discreetly, covering the money with her palm so as not to embarrass the ani. She gives with one palm, rather than two, giving what is needed but not more, so the poor person doesn’t feel indebted and incompetent.

In contrast to the ani, an evyon is too overwhelmed or embarrassed to even ask for tzedakah. They sit at home as their life falls apart. She sends generous, anonymous gifts to help them get back on their feet. She gives with both her hands, says the Mei’am Loez, because she knows that the circumstances demand generosity to turn the situation around.

Giving tzedakah, the eishes chayil teaches us, is so much more than a financial transaction. To give tzedakah properly requires empathy and intelligence. It means noticing what the other person needs and how they want it, being neither a savior nor indifferent. It means picking up on subtle cues how to help and backing off when the help is no longer needed.

For the eishes chayil, giving tzedakah isn’t only about opening up our wallet, it’s opening up our eyes and hearts to sense what others need.

When I give tzedakah, what can I do to keep my focus on what the recipient needs and feels?

Mrs. Shira Hochheimer is the author of Eishes Chayil: Ancient Wisdom for Women of Today, a presenter for Torat Imecha Nach Yomi, and an administrator for WITS in Baltimore, MD.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 956)