They’ve overstayed their welcome — but how do you evict kids?

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kay, so instead of asking for jewelry as a baby gift, I told Raf I wanted a deck with a grill. Now, yes, a deck and a grill might be significantly more expensive than earrings, but if we’re not going to the country, we need gorgeous outdoor living. Plus, a deck is something I can share with family and friends. So really, I’m just an extraordinarily selfless woman. Who enjoys lying in the sun and burgers on the grill. I threw in a hammock and egg swing, you know, for good luck.

Raf did a magnificent job, took care of everything from A to Z… and here we are. The deck is ready at long, long last. Between ripping out the old deck and landscaping the yard so it would be worthy of a masterpiece, June and July were a mess of construction that I stayed far away from. Now it’s Day One of second half and the kids are in camp, Raf is at work, the baby is napping, and Marla just left, so my house is sparkling. I’m sitting out here with a book and an iced espresso, enjoying the view. We have a big backyard, a beautiful swing set we put in last summer, a trampoline, and even with the new deck, there’s still room for Eli and Shimmy to set up a ball game with their friends. Is it worth the expense? I close my eyes and savor the feeling of the sun beating down on me. Definitely worth it.

Of course, that’s when the baby monitor squawks to tell me that Levi is up and very sad. Yawning, I heave myself off my lounge chair and head inside to check on my angel. Is it just me, or do they get cuter with each one? Or do we just value the miracle of life more significantly as we age? Midsummer musings.

Of course, I don’t make it back out there for another two hours. There’s a baby to feed, laundry loads to switch, tuna salads to eat. But at long last, once the pargiyot are defrosting on the counter, I make my way back outside.

Baby Levi is in his swing in the kitchen with the screen door open, so I can hear him if he needs me. I don’t want to bring the swing onto the deck, it’s just too hot and sunny for a newborn, but he’s close enough that I can drift off comfortably.

And I do, I’m tired and it’s hot and also, this deck makes me so happy.

Plus I know that once the kids come home, I’m going to have dig deep for reservoirs of patience, energy, and just general peppiness. Better take advantage of the quiet now.

Just before my eyes close, I remember I didn’t put on sunscreen. Oh well, at least I’ll have sunny dreams.

“I said I was first. Get off!”

“You get off.”

“You’re so mean.”

“Well, so are you. It was my idea to come here.”

“I’m the one who asked Mommy.”

“If I didn’t have the idea, you would have nothing to ask her.”

Okay, those are not sunny dreams. I crack open one eye and ease myself up onto one elbow and peer around.

There are strange children on the swing set.

Okay, not strange children, per se, but definitely children who do not belong to me. I send my kids to camp for a reason. Mainly, so that they do not bicker on the swing set at two in the afternoon.