A terrible feeling of hopelessness might set in to the people, from which they might never recover 

Sandwiched between Moshe’s rebuke at the beginning of the parshah, and his reference to Maamad Har Sinai, Shema, and other mitzvos in perek five, comes this piece about arei miklat that Moshe separated in Ever L’Yarden. Why is this topic recorded here?  (Rabbi Zvi Belovski, based on Shem MiShmuel)

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ast week I lost it. Broke down completely. I’m a very sensitive person in general, so I keep a tight lid on the messy business of my emotions. But last Thursday, I hit what felt like rock bottom.

While Moshe felt it necessary to rebuke the people before his death, he was aware that it was potentially hazardous. A terrible feeling of hopelessness might set in to the people, from which they might never recover.  The generation who stood at the border of Eretz Yisrael knew they’d have to work the land and live a life without Divine revelations. They felt that if their ancestors had been unable to resist temptation, how could they possibly manage to maintain an appropriate relationship with Hashem?

You’d think it was the million-and-one major stresses there are in This World: Sickness, death, child-rearing, finances, and, oh, the million-and-one things you’ll meet and greet in everyday life.

But it wasn’t the fact that I’ve been fighting insurance for a year and half to cover Avi’s root canal that precipitated this massive drop. And it wasn’t the fact that my car insurance emailed one random Monday canceling my coverage, even though I’d paid until the end of the year. Nor was it the three weeks I couldn’t drive until that was straightened out.

It wasn’t even Yitzi’s first-ever overnight trip with his class when he called at 2 a.m. to tell me he was in the ER and he’d broken his arm.

And unbelievably, it wasn’t even the Iranian war and fleeing into shelters while half asleep. Nope, I weathered all that like a champ. Now I’m sure all this contributed to the crash that followed, but something else was the proverbial straw that broke this camel’s back.

We may suggest this is the reason for Moshe’s introduction of the arei miklat: A murderer, albeit accidentally, has terminated the life of another human. Therefore, he loses his connection to his own life and his right to a continued spiritual existence.

The arei miklat, as well as the 42 cities of the Leviim, provide refuge for the accidental murderer. The Levi’s primary task was to sing hymns praising Hashem, inspiring the people to deepen their connection with Him. It’s therefore appropriate that the Levi is the medium through which the killer may reestablish his connection to Hashem, and rehabilitate himself to return to normal life.

Moshe therefore mentioned the arei miklat after his rebuke was concluded to show there’s always hope for the future.

Shloime came home with a huge scratch down his face and a bleeding gouge near his eye. Some roughhousing in a boys’ school is normal, but this painful mark took it a step higher.

Still, it was his tearful comment that made me implode. “Why did this kid want to hurt me?” he whimpered. “I’ve never hurt anybody.”

And just like that, something inside me snapped. I took care of Shloime, managed to get into my room, and then, Boom. Painful tears welled up from deep within me, for Shloime, pitted against the bullies of the world; for Avi, stuck in pain, who may lose his tooth by the time the treatment gets approved; for the lack of a car and the frustrations of bureaucracy I feel like I’ve been dealing with for half my life.

Somewhere in the middle of this meltdown, a little voice snuck into the maelstrom: “Send these tears to Hashem. Send these emotions Upward.” And suddenly, I was crying for the hostages and their families, for the chayalim, and for scary missiles all over my country.

When I finished, I felt totally drained. There’s a reason I don’t allow myself to venture into this hollow place. Yet ironically, I also felt invigorated. Nachamu ami. I’d fallen, but I’d held on to the knowledge that it’s all in Hashem’s control. What a feeling!

Maybe I should do this more often?

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 955)