Most often, less is more

Lower the Bar

Tsippi Gross and Rivky Rothenberg

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ometimes, in our efforts to get our kids excited, we generate a lot of hype. But more often than not, it backfires on us.

“Kids! Guess what?! We’re going somewhere amazing tomorrow!”

The excitement builds.

“Is it Six Flags?! Is it that indoor trampoline place with the foam pit?!”
“You’ll see,” you say, playing it cool. But you’ve just raised the bar to sky-high levels.

Then the next day you drive to a local petting zoo. It’s sweet. It’s cute. But it’s not what they pictured.

Cue the letdown: “Oh… this?” And suddenly what could’ve been a great day feels like a disappointment.

Sometimes, it’s not the activity — it’s the expectation.

We mean well. We want to create excitement, give our kids something to look forward to. But building up the anticipation can work against us when the eventual reality doesn’t match the technicolor version our kids have built up in their heads.

Now picture a different scene.

Your child asks, “Are we doing anything later?”

You shrug. “Maybe we’ll have time to stop at a park.”

They nod, not banking on much more than the local playground. Then you pull into the petting zoo.
“Wait — this is the park?!” Their faces light up. “This is the best day ever!”

Same outing. Different setup. Entirely different reaction.

This isn’t really about saving money — you didn’t spend less either way — but it’s a subtle, powerful shift in how our kids experience what we give them. When children are used to hearing measured, realistic responses, they learn to be content with whatever comes. They don’t walk around expecting every outing to be the most exciting thing ever. And when something is special, they’re more likely to appreciate it without the shadow of disappointment.

Here’s how this might play out in real life: You’re serving pasta for dinner. Instead of calling it “a special Italian night!” just say, “We’re having pasta tonight.” Then, when there’s garlic bread on the side, it feels like a bonus, not a letdown.

You’re taking them shopping for shoes. Instead of saying, “We’re going to get you the best sneakers!” you say, “Let’s go see what we find that fits well.” Then, if they walk out with the pair they hoped for, it feels like a win — not an expectation met.

This approach not only builds happier, more grateful kids — it also protects your wallet in the long run.  Because when kids learn to feel satisfied with “nice” instead of always chasing “amazing,” you’re not stuck raising the bar higher each year to keep them happy. And as they grow, they bring that same mindset into their own spending habits: grounded, realistic, and appreciative of what they have.

So next time you’re tempted to oversell the experience, try underselling it instead. Let the moment shine on its own.

Turns out, a little understatement goes a long way.

Tsippi Gross is a business consultant and Rivky Rothenberg is a CPA. Together they started Ashir, a nonprofit that provides financial training for communities and families.

A Kavanah Workout

Hadassah Eventsur

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eople intuitively understand that the key to strengthening our bodies is to exercise our muscle groups. But many don’t realize that our brains require strengthening in a similar fashion. The frontal lobe of our brain controls one of the Executive Functioning skills known as Attention Regulation. We can strengthen our attention regulation abilities by actively bring our attention back to a focal point, such as to our breath sensations or to the present activity, when it strays.

Picture yourself standing with an open siddur attempting to daven. Suddenly your mind starts to think about the shopping trip or school meeting planned for later that day. This scenario is all too common and often brings about feelings of shame or frustration.

But every time you’re in this situation, you can use it as an opportunity to strengthen your mind. When you notice your attention going astray and you actively bring it back to the words of the siddur, you have essentially performed the equivalent of a bicep curl or stomach crunch. And if you do this multiple times during a davening session, you have performed a full workout for your brain.

Just as you wouldn’t admonish yourself when working your untrained muscles in the gym, the same applies to your untrained mind. Limitations in your ability to maintain your attention are indicative of a need for a workout. Judgmental stories you may tell yourself about it will only lead you to be more distracted, and is an effective strategy used by the yetzer hara. Instead of viewing a straying mind as a failure, see it for what it is: an opportunity to strengthen your brain “muscles” to enhance your relationship with your Creator.

Hadassah Eventsur, MS, OTR/L is a licensed occupational therapist with over 20 years of experience, and a certified life coach in the Baltimore, MD area.

Something’s Itchy

Dr. Jennie Berkovich

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any parents worry about head lice, especially during camp season or after getting that dreaded school note. But school or camp-wide checks don’t actually prevent outbreaks and often miss cases. Alternately, they can lead to unnecessary treatments or missed school days. Lice aren’t as contagious as we think, and having nits doesn’t always mean an active case.

I recommend checking your children regularly at home, especially after sleepovers or camp. If you find live lice, over-the-counter shampoos like permethrin or pyrethrins usually work with two treatments a week apart. Prescription options can be helpful in difficult cases. Wet combing every few days for two weeks is another option.

Dr. Jennie Berkovich is a board-certified pediatrician in Chicago and serves as the Director of Education for the Jewish Orthodox Women’s Medical Association (JOWMA)

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 954)