“It’s important to recognize that Judaism is not defined by spiritual highs or feel-good moments”

Please Stick to the Facts [Guestlines / Issue 1055]

I was upset to read the description of the matzah bakery in Komemiyus. The author wrote: “The air is thick with flour,” referred to “flour-dusted hands,” and manual labor that “must be completed... in stifling heat.” Those comments are not true.  There is no flour in the air. The workers’ hands are not dusted with flour. The area where the matzahs are rolled is cold.

While the description of the machine matzah process and controversy was interesting, you shouldn’t have printed it with these inaccurate details.

Yehuda Bunker

Beyond Kever Hopping [Worldview / Issue 1055]

Thank you, Gedalia, for addressing the issue of kever hopping. While it’s undeniable that people are drawn to the emotional and spiritual experiences associated with visiting kevarim, it’s important to recognize that Judaism is not defined by spiritual highs or feel-good moments.

Each generation finds its own path, and people’s souls are naturally drawn to different spiritual journeys. However, we must remember that truth in Judaism is not determined by what feels good or by experiences that evoke tears and intense prayer. For example, consider the episode of the Golden Calf: The people created a tangible representation that felt spiritually uplifting and satisfying, and then called that experience “god.” Yet despite the emotional and spiritual intensity, it was fundamentally wrong. While emotional experiences can sometimes serve as a wake-up call for individuals, the notion that what feels good must be right is a misconception that needs to be addressed.

Rav Moshe Feinstein wrote an extensive teshuvah on the permissibility of visiting kevarim, and it’s worth studying because his conclusions might challenge common assumptions.

Unfortunately, there is a growing trend of creating emotional realities and using them as indicators of Hashem’s will. This approach often leads people to seek spirituality outside the framework of organized religion. Instead of dismissing these seekers, we should ask ourselves a critical question: Why are we, as a community, not effectively reaching these individuals through traditional Orthodox methods?

There are genuinely sincere people who are spiritually hungry. Perhaps we need to take some responsibility and find ways to guide these lost souls while staying true to authentic Jewish values.

Aron Sokol 

Ramat Beit Shemesh

Hungry for Relationships [Guestlines / Issue 1054]

I’ve been following the discussion about oversharing with interest, and I’d like to add one more aspect. I recently read Jonathan Haidt’s amazing book, The Anxious Generation, where he sounds the alarm on the effects of technology. He explains how excessive screen time prevents our youth from forming healthy, real relationships.

I see the tendency to overshare as another symptom of people’s lack of real relationships. People fight with their husbands over text instead of face to face, WhatsApp groups of people ask for advice on their parenting instead of picking up the phone, and spend dinner times looking down at screens instead of at their children. This creates a vacuum that only authentic interaction fills, and in their very real need to be seen and heard by someone, people share with too many others, desperately hoping to fill that basic human need.

Personally, I can message with friends throughout the day but still feel lonely if I go too long without seeing them in person. I don’t even like to do therapy over Zoom because there’s nothing like interacting with a real live person, seeing their physical movements, feeling their mood in the air, being able to mirror in real time.

I also believe that in our community this issue is not only caused by excessive screen time. Once a girl leaves school and its built-in social structure, she may feel lonely and disconnected, even surrounded by a whole community of people. If we want the uncomfortable and hashkafically incorrect oversharing to stop, I propose we need to create more ways for people to authentically connect to each other. I suspect that someone with three or four real supportive people in her life that she can confide in will not feel the desperate need to use her private stories as a fishing net for validation. Let’s find the roots of these issues so we can give people what they need instead of just wringing our hands at the younger generation.

Rachel Zimmerman MA LCPC

Chicago, IL

United in Lakewood [Sea Change / Issue 1054]

Thank you for your eye-opening article regarding the struggles many young women in our community face. I’d like to make the Lakewood community aware of an incredible organization called “Unite.” Founded four years ago by Hadassah Hirsch and her husband, it’s not just an organization; it’s a community and a family. It provides support, activities, shabbatons, and Yom Tov gatherings for singles, as well as hosting shidduch events.

I learned about Unite three and a half years ago when Hadassah recruited me as a guest speaker for an event. I was so impressed by the beautiful space she created, which includes a large lounging room, a fully outfitted music and art room, and a fully stocked kitchen. I have since gone back to speak to the girls on a couple of occasions and did a benefit concert for the organization a few months ago.

Last week I attended their fourth anniversary dinner. The camaraderie and feeling of achdus in the room was palpable. The Hirsches are a remarkable couple and give their heart and soul to the community they have created.

I urge any singles in Lakewood and its environs to visit the Unite facility. You will be welcomed with open arms.

Unite can be contacted via Mishpacha.

Joni Miller

Identity Crisis [The Kichels / Issue 1054]

As an avid quiz taker, I was curious to try the Kichels’, “What’s Your Procrastination Style?” quiz. To my disappointment, none of the styles fit me. Then I noticed the thin yellow strip at the very bottom of the page declaring that
failure to check any box meant — congratulations — I’m Hungarian. And it’s true!

But while I appreciate the congratulations, I’m also confused. What do the Kichels writers know about us Hungarians that I don’t? What are we like before Pesach that is seemingly different from everyone else? What about our approach is so obviously Hungarian than even a Kichels strip recognizes it?
(And why the congratulations?)

This innocuous yellow strip has made me question how the rest of the  frum world perceives us and what  makes us uniquely Hungarian. Please, do tell.

A Hungarian in an identity crisis

Simple Is Best [Second Set / Issue 1053]

I enjoyed the article about Lipa, as I’ve always loved his music. But how could you just gloss over his best album, A Poshiter Yid? Every song was sung for years afterward. It was perhaps Lipa’s most consequential album
to date.

Lipa Fan

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1057)