If you thought the hardest part of Yom Tov was the cooking and cleaning, you don’t have teenage girls

AH,Pesach. So many among us focus on the trials of the cleaning, the cooking, the family time. That’s all well and good, but you can always save spring cleaning for later and be fine with meat and potatoes for a week. We all know where the real challenge lies: shopping. Will your kids look normal this season? Will you spend less than a literal fortune? Can you get through the throngs of shoppers unscathed and unharmed? Frazzled shoppers ask their pressing questions.

Pay Your Way

Q: I have seven girls, and I want them all to match, or at the very least, coordinate, obviously. How can I make sure that I can find all the outfits I need, in all the sizes I need? It’s not because I care if my kids wear the same thing, it’s because I need everyone to know we have it together enough to shop as soon as the drops drop.

A: Chaval you don’t have seven boys, because it’s a breeze to match them. For your family, however, you need to put in a little work to make sure you get what you want: befriend your local storeowners. Are you sending them mishloach manos? Do you know their kids’ names, grades and birthdays? What’s your purchase history? It all factors in. Once you’ve established a strong relationship with a consistent gifting component, you can start calling in favors. It really comes down to just how important this is to you. You have to really want it.

Bait and Switch

Q: My kids are thrilled to shop and pick out the clothes they love, but one week later, six whole days after the return window closes, they refuse to wear those very outfits they promised they’d cherish forever. How do I convince them that they don’t have a choice? They’d happily squeeze into last year’s stuff instead of the gorgeous new clothes I spent a mint on.

A: Easy: bribe. We may or may not have a child who just casually said, “By the way, you owe me nine milk munches, Ma,” as she passed by. Who cares? She was wearing the eyelet dress I love that she thinks is hideous. Win-win.

Family First (if they have good taste)

Q: I have a sister-in-law who owns a store. Do I need to shop there?

A: A few major considerations need to be taken before we can deliberate. Will she care? Is she a good buyer? Is her store well priced? It doesn’t matter that those answers are yes, no, and no, because the answer is yes, you need to shop there. Who knows, you might start a new polyester trend this year. It’s less weird than some trends we’re seeing these days.

Emperor’s New Trends

Q: Did I get dropped on another planet? Everywhere I go I see babies in “summer fur.” Is this a thing? Will it get cute if I see enough of it?

A: Every year there’s a new trend that people seem to throw themselves behind, and that’s what we call the emperor’s new romper. Do boys in little-house-on-the-prairie-esque bonnets make sense to you? Do teenage shoes that are more holes than leather feel right? We live in weird times. No one’s saying you need to join them, but you certainly can’t beat them.

IYKYK

Q: From when the new season of clothing drops until I see what everyone else shows up to shul in, I’m gripped with anxiety. Am I making the right choices? Am I adding the right things to my cart? Will my kids look cute enough? Is the color that I bought “THE COLOR?” It keeps me up from Chanukah until Pesach. I need everyone to look cute, but I also need a good night’s sleep?

A: Forget using a personal shopper, become a personal stalker. Hang out surreptitiously in the wild until you spot someone who has better style than you. Tail her while she’s shopping and buy exactly what she buys and where she buys it. Will she be outfitting toddler boys while you have teenage girls? It’s fine, the clothes will be cool.

Trend Cycles

Q: My 14-year-old-daughter really wants me to buy her a $250 coral brocade embroidered sweat suit this season and her main argument is that she’ll for suuuure wear it forever and ever. I’ve been telling her that we both know she’ll be bored with it next week, but she’s not buying it (pun very much intended). How do I get her to give up?

A: Listen, we’re not weighing in on coral brocade. All we’re saying is that we may have saved that Zoe sweater set from our 2000 bas mitzvah and are wearing it over a slip dress this season. You never know.

Cut from the Same Cloth

Q: I finally bought myself a new dress, for the first time in years, in a really chic women’s store. Like, it wasn’t cheap at all, and I kind of even felt guilty about the splurge. Then I came to my in- law’s Seder and my 14-year-old niece was in the same exact dress. What!

A: It’s simple. If you’re buying mined diamonds and not lab, you’re fitting it into conversation these days. If you’re making lifestyle changes and not taking shortcuts, you’re making sure people know. So all you have to do is waltz in with confidence and drop a comment that you would neverrrrr shop on Ali. Let all the meivins yavin.

Send Help! I Have Teens

Q: I know that my teenage daughters need Yom Tov clothes, but the reality is that no matter what, they’re going to freak out mid-shop about something that I would like to validate as real and important, even though I have no idea what it is. Honestly, I’m already dreading the public tantrums. Can I just send them with my credit card and hope for the best?

A: Brilliant. Along the same likelihood of success: telling your daughters, “How cute! I would totally wear that!” when they come home with their new purchases. The bottom line is, as long as you realize you’re committing to tap into your HELOC to cover the inevitable bills, everyone should be thrilled. Or at least they will be. The house extension can wait another year or ten, but hey, they have cute camp T-shirts!

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 939)