So how do I know what type of girl you are? you may ask. Well, that’s where my résumé comes into play

Dear Potential Mother-in-Law,

AS you will notice, my shidduch résumé doesn’t come with a picture, and I’d like to explain why.

When I came back from seminary four years ago, I felt very strongly that it was inappropriate for me to send out a picture. I’d just come back from an amazing year in Eretz Yisrael, where I’d gained a special sensitivity toward tzniyus. Sending out a picture would go against that.

Now, four years later, I’m constantly told by shadchanim and friends to just send out a picture. Shadchanim have not only asked for a picture of my face, but a full-body picture!

I’ve been told that mothers of boys won’t even look into me if I don’t send one.

People tell me that by not sending out a picture, it seems like I’m hiding something.

And my favorite: When random people I meet are shocked to hear that I don’t send out a picture and tell me, “But you’re so pretty, why don’t you send out a picture?”

It’s not that I’m afraid you won’t think I’m pretty or that I’m hiding something.

Potential mother-in-law, let me explain. Although my sensitivities may not be as heightened as they used to be, I still don’t send out any pictures, even when you ask for one and say you won’t pass it to anyone. I don’t send out pictures, period. I understand that you’re curious about me, your potential daughter-in-law. I’d also be.

Please realize that pictures don’t say it all.

So how do I know what type of girl you are? you may ask. Well, that’s where my résumé comes into play. I have multiple references for you to call to find out all about me, from my hashkafos to my hobbies and everything in between. You can find out what things are important to me and what traits would make me a suitable wife for your son. If that’s still not enough, and you feel that seeing my face will really help solidify what you’ve already heard, then I have a suggestion for you.

Let’s meet.

Then you could really get to know me, even start to understand my personality and where I’m coming from.

You may say that I shouldn’t be so difficult and just let go of my standards, but I’m holding on tight because I know the right one will have a mother who will see the best in me, even without seeing a picture first.

Can’t wait to meet you,

Your Potential Daughter-in-Law

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 930)