“Question: ‘Would you appreciate someone critiquing your avodas Hashem?’ The answer is yes! Of course!”

My Heroes [Hearts Over Minds / Issue 1046]

I was happy to see that you finally wrote about the Gevurah Forum in depth. The article also featured a picture of members of the Tikva Forum, whose caption read: “Tzvika Mor, head of the Tikva Forum and father of hostage Eitan Mor.” However, your description of the Tikva Forum is distressingly wrong.

You write, “Opponents swung into action, led by two organizations of bereaved families: the Gevurah Forum and the Tikva Forum.” The Tikva Forum is not composed of bereaved families. Its members are families of hostages, and the Tikva Forum believes fervently that they will return, b’ezras Hashem.

In the article, you quote a survivor of Be’eri: “I don’t care what the other side thinks — why should I? What would you do if your brother, your son, or your father were trapped in Gaza?”

Baruch Hashem, I don’t have to think about it. But the members of the Tikva Forum unfortunately did.

Their answer, as they state on their site, is that “the Tikva Forum, composed of hostages’ families and friends, is dedicated to the release of every single person in Gazan captivity by means which strengthen the State of Israel and its security.

“The Tikva Forum will not allow our children, parents, and friends to be used to bolster our enemies or enable them to repeat the attacks of October 7th. Our only option is to win this war and to remove any incentive to ever attack Israel again.”

They are, as you say, underfunded, and they have also been largely ignored by the media, but the members of the Tikva Forum are my heroes.

Srif Cohen

Biden’s Support for Israel [The Current / Issue 1046]

Last week was an important one for our country, and I know that much will be written in these pages about our new president’s inauguration. I fear, however, that this letter will be the only voice in the magazine saying the following.

President Biden has come under a shocking wave of hateful abuse from the Orthodox community, in a campaign that displayed many awful middos, from lies and deceit to downright nastiness. I am extremely grateful and impressed that for the most part this publication remained above that, maintaining dignity and professionalism in its reporting. Certain things, however, need to be stated unequivocally, as President Biden’s half-century long political career comes to an end.

I will not waste time describing his staunch support for Israel as a senator. This, thankfully, has not been frequently denied (though it has been constantly ignored). But I feel a need to open people’s eyes about the events of this past year and a half, the truth of which is glaring for all who are willing to see.

President Biden has taken more drastic steps than any president in history to protect the people of Israel. He is the only president who has ever aided Israel in active combat — and I was shocked when no one recognized this! On April 13, 2024, Iranian missiles were hurtling through the sky to rain absolute destruction on the State of Israel, and Joe Biden, commander-in-chief of our armed forces, ordered American soldiers to use American weapons and blow those missiles out of the sky. The US destroyed over 80 Iranian ballistic missiles that day, in an unprecedented level of support for Israel.

This happened again in October, long after he ceased sending one kind of bomb to Israel — a bomb that, according to the anti-Biden camp’s narrative, they shouldn’t have needed. It is clear as day that Biden has always defended the people of Israel with absolute conviction. That this man has been called anti-Israel is astounding.

I was disappointed that Gedalia Guttentag accuses Biden of “folding to the far left over Gaza.” To call he who has fought for us “far left” when there are people chanting “intifada” is in very poor taste. And this article was published merely days after his administration declared, for the umpteenth time, that Hamas and only Hamas are the obstacles to peace in this war. It was a departure from the standard that the magazine has usually upheld, a standard for which I am very grateful.

President Biden, we don’t all hate you.

B.E., NY

It’s Your Business [Inbox / Issue1045]

While I’ve never written a letter to the editor before, a recent Inbox letter has prompted me to feel I must speak up. In a letter to Estee, the struggling shanah rishonah wife depicted in the serial Picture This, Concerned Reader exhorts her that a husband’s ruchniyus is not his wife’s business. I quote: “That includes his learning, his davening, and what time he gets up in the morning. It’s just none of your business — don’t notice it and don’t think about it....”

Dear women, look down at your left hand and see the ring your husband placed on your finger. That ring gives you the right! That ring signifies that it is your business! The Torah calls a wife an “ezer k’negdo” — we are partners, a team, a unit. Dare I say we have more of a right to get involved than his mother or rosh yeshivah?

Who else has a man’s best interests at heart other than his wife? Who else sees how his actions affect him and potentially the entire family? Yes, our job is first to be supportive. But when something is wrong, it’s our responsibility as a helpmate to point it out and help him overcome his challenges.

If anyone tells you that your husband’s ruchniyus is not your business, run far away!

It is your business. It is your life.

Of course, there is a time, a place, and a way to discuss with your husband your dissatisfaction or concerns with his behavior. And if you aren’t sure how to handle the situation, you should speak to your family rav, his rebbi, or another appropriate professional.

Concerned Reader asks, “Would you appreciate someone critiquing your avodas Hashem?”

The answer is yes! Of course!

Especially if it’s coming from my partner, my best friend, the person who knows me best and cares about me. If my husband saw me slacking in an area, I would most definitely want him to speak up (obviously with the appropriate sensitivity and
care).

According to your theory, if your husband brought home McDonalds takeout, it would be none of your business. After all, he isn’t offering the food to you or the children. He’s eating on disposables so you can’t even argue he’s treifing up the kitchen.

If you don’t think this example is comparable to a man not making time to learn or daven, I firmly disagree. Talmud Torah k’neged kulam! There is nothing more important in a man’s life than being koveia itim laTorah. All the ruchniyus in your family depends on it. You can be the perfect wife, but when your children see that Torah learning is not so important to their father, it is unlikely to be important in their lives either.

Davening? Davening is the basis for our relationship with Hashem. If your husband does not have a proper relationship with Hashem, the time will likely come when he does not have a proper relationship with you.

Granted, there may be times when a rav will advise a wife to give her husband some space and ignore some things. But that is a specific circumstance under appropriate guidance, not a general policy.

You have every right and responsibility to speak up and help your husband reach his potential (and vice versa). The only place for argument is the way to go about it.

Wishing you and all of Klal Yisrael brachah, simchah, and shalom bayis.

Ariella Lichtenstein

Missing Rebbi [A Storied People / Issue 1044]

The recent article written by the talented Rabbi Nachman Seltzer about Rabbi Shlomo Singer offered a glimpse into his remarkable life and legacy. Yet so much more remains to be written about his profound contributions and relationships with the gedolim of the past, such as Rav Moshe Feinstein and Rav Aharon Kotler, and his years as regional director of New Jersey NCSY, a position offered to him by Rabbi Pinchas Stolper.

As a child suffering from hepatitis, Rabbi Singer experienced the care and devotion of Rav Moshe Feinstein, who walked two and a half miles to sit at his bedside. Years later, it was Rav Moshe who encouraged him to take the position with NCSY, a post that enabled him to inspire and guide thousands.

Rabbi Singer also shared a special bond with Rav Aharon Kotler, who deeply valued his gift for neginah (song). Rav Aharon urged him to take professional voice lessons, quoting Mishlei 3:9: “Kabed es Hashem mei’honecha” and the commentary, “al tikri mei’honecha ela mei’gronecha — Serve Hashem with your wealth, including your voice.”

Rabbi Singer also made history by being the first to record Rav Aharon’s shiurim, concealing a bulky recorder under the floorboards. Upon discovering the recording, Rav Aharon humorously remarked, “Besser fun mein ksav yad — better than my handwritten notes!”

Through his tireless work with NCSY, Rabbi Singer was mekarev thousands of young people to Torah and mitzvos. Rabbi Singer would relate how Rav Meir Stern hosted an NCSY shabbaton, even giving up his office to accommodate the many guests. Rabbi Singer later founded PTI in Passaic based on the model that he had learned in NCSY.

His life was completely given over to Klal Yisrael.

May his holy neshamah have an aliyah in Shamayim.

A talmid who misses his rebbi very much

Strengthen from Within [Double Take – Out of Sorts / Issue 1042]

The Double Take about the school that divided its classes based on family hashkafah left me compelled to share a thought that may resonate with others.

In our understandable concern about negative influences, we sometimes construct huge walls to keep them out. Yet our chinuch is often far more robust than we give it credit for. There are countless homes where children have gone through schooling alongside peers from less sheltered backgrounds and have grown into solid bnei Torah, raising beautiful families al pi Torah. Their exposure to individuals with different upbringings did not detract from their spiritual growth.

The harsh reality is that we cannot fully control what our children will be exposed to. However, what we can influence is the atmosphere within our homes. By creating a nurturing and joyful environment, we enable our children to thrive. Far more impactful than shielding them from every external influence is ensuring they see their parents’ authentic relationship with Hashem and Yiddishkeit, witness mutual respect and kindness between their parents, and feel nourished by unconditional love and attuned parenting.

Segregating children based on their home environments carries the risk of fostering elitism, and viewing children as first-rate or second-rate is incompatible with the values we strive to impart. Elitism is not good chinuch. Moreover, it can easily lead to lashon hara, politics, and machlokes — all of which are antithetical to Torah values.

While I do not claim to have all the answers, I hope these thoughts spark meaningful reflection and discussion.

I am not saying we should welcome all outside influences. Rather I am suggesting a slight shift in focus to strengthening our families further from within.

May we collectively merit to give the Ribbono shel Olam true Yiddishe nachas!

Brocha Naomi Bolel

Lingering Inspiration [Encounters / Issue 1042]

Though it’s been a while since the Chanukah issue ran, I want to thank you for the beautiful article written by the brother-in-law of Yitzy Sutofsky a”h. I grew up as a close friend of Yitzy’s mother, a remarkable person. I have the zechus to be in touch with her from time to time, and I am always strengthened from our connection. The article gave a glimpse into this inspiring family and into the precious neshamah that Yitzy was.

May the family be strengthened and know that many, many people have been inspired by this account. May Hashem bring yeshuos, comfort, and besuros tovos to the family and all of Klal Yisrael.

Sarah Bayla Gross

Atlanta, GA

Heavenly Intervention [Desert Storm / Pendulum – Issue 1042]

I would like to make a comment on Gedalyia Guttentag’s article “Desert Storm,” in the Chanukah Pendulum supplement.

The Penimim LaTorah parshah sheet by Reb Aryeh Leib Scheinbaum in Cleveland tells the following story. The three days of tefillah began starting June 30, 1942, 15 Tammuz, which was the yahrtzeit of the Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh, and the Jews of the yishuv gathered on Har Hazeisim at his kever. Not long after the tefillos began, the Husiatyner Rebbe stopped davening and just stared at the space above the grave.

Afterward, when someone asked him to explain, he answered that shortly after they had started davening, he began to see the Sheim Hameforash hovering above the kever. The Rebbe took that as a sign that their tefillos had already been accepted.

I am not here to argue as to who was pulling strings up in Shamayim, but it would seem that the gezeirah was for the Germans to advance until El Alamein and not further.

Shloime Heimann

London, UK

Display of Faith [Desert Storm / Pendulum – Issue 1042]

I read Gedalia Guttentag’s article “Desert Storm” and was very impressed with the analysis of the Battle of El Alamein and how critical it was for the preservation of the Jewish community in Eretz Yisrael. At the same time, I was surprised to see the omission of a famous story about Rav Yitzchak Herzog, the chief rabbi, who was then fundraising in the United States.

As Rav Herzog prepared to return to Yerushalayim, friends urged him to delay his trip due to the extreme danger. Rav Herzog replied, “There will be no churban. Our prophets spoke of a first and a second churban, but not a third.”

His faith in sailing back to Eretz Yisrael was a source of great chizuk to the Jewish community.

Shlomo Slonim

Jerusalem, Israel

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1047)