“He’s supposed to be naturally cool! I want a guy who is super put together, ideally someone with money...”

“There are no good guys! None!!! They’re all taken by my friends.”

I was two minutes into my first call with 19-year-old Shaindy, and I was grateful that she couldn’t see my expression.

“How long have you been in shidduchim?” I said, modulating my voice so the eye roll wouldn’t come through.

“SIX months. I got back from seminary in June, and it’s already January, and I haven’t had a single date.”

“Got it. So all your friends are married?”

“Well, maybe not all….”

“How many?”

“Um, five girls in my class.”

I paused for a moment so she could hear herself. Then I moved on to the next claim.

“And you haven’t been redt to anyone at all?”

“I haven’t dated anyone. A few guys were suggested. But they totally weren’t for us.”

“What were the issues?” In coaching you need the details to get a true picture.

“Well, take the last guy. My neighbor redt it. He sounded like a good guy, but then I got more info from my friend’s husband who’s in his shiur. He said he’s not such a great dresser.”

“Wow, aren’t you lucky that what he’s missing is something so easy to fix?” I said. Humor is a great way to bring a point home. “If he has the qualities you’re looking for, you can date, and if you marry him, you can slowly revamp his wardrobe.”

I heard a huff of impatience. “He’s supposed to be naturally cool! I want a guy who is super put together, ideally someone with money. He should be very into learning, but also fun and cool, a family guy who will always be available to me and the kids but a big masmid….”

I clearly had my work cut out for me.