With this one little “bazeh” item, the situation is transformed to become permitted, or even holy

“And Yosef said to his father, ‘These are my sons that Hashem gave me with this,’ and Yaakov said, ‘Bring them to me and I will bless them.’ ” (Bereishis 48:9)

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hat did Yosef mean when he said Hashem gave me these children, “bazeh, with this”?

The commentaries explain that Yosef showed his father his kesubah. Although Mitzrayim was known for immoral behavior, Yosef was affirming that his children were born of a holy union and were worthy of Yaakov’s blessing. (Rabbi Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi’s Message)

This past Rosh Chodesh, I decided to be World’s Best Mommy. My boys only have a half-day of school every Rosh Chodesh. (I know, it’s a woman’s Yom Tov, so they give the rebbeim off… it’s something I plan to speak to Mashiach about.) I usually just aim to get through these mini-vacation days as sanely as possible, but this time, I decided I wanted them to have a really special, just-because day.

So off we went to the aquarium. The Jerusalem aquarium is only about seven years old, and we’ve only been there once. Tickets are relatively pricey and unless you have recessive fisherman genes in your family, your kids probably won’t appreciate a year’s membership. But it seemed like a great idea for a vacation afternoon, and I was pumped, mentally patting myself on the back for my spontaneity, generosity, and devotion. (It wasn’t like I was bored with nothing to do that day….)

The word “bazeh, with this” is used elsewhere, in Shmuel I (14:34), referring to the knife used for shechitah.

There’s a connection between these two cases. Both pertain to something that’s mundane, perhaps even forbidden. But with this one little “bazeh” item, the situation is transformed to become permitted, or even holy. Yosef’s kesubah made his children holy, and the shechitah knife made the animals kosher.

The kids loved the sharks, the sea horses, and the full-sized skeleton of a whale hanging from the ceiling. But then came the drive home with a car full of kids hungry for supper and tired of their traveling companions. The car rocked with their comments. “Move over! You think you’re a whale? Why do you have the window seat again? I should’ve dropped you into the sharks’ tank.”

I ignored the banter, knowing it was par for the course. But another part of me was insulted. Hello? I just took you on an unexpected, no-occasion-necessary outing for no good reason other than to make you happy, and you’re still fighting?

Honestly, I was tired and wanted supper, too. But yes, deep down, I also wanted major Mommy points and a warranty that they’d remember this spontaneous afternoon years later as adults, and bask in the fond memories.

I once read a story of a woman who had a special ceramic jar that she’d received as a gift from her mother. Whenever she cooked or baked, she’d dip her hand inside to take some of the secret ingredient she kept there. Her children wondered what the ingredient was and if the contents would ever run out, but their mother never answered their questions.

One day she was ill, and her husband was cooking. He decided he, too, would add some of her special spice. How surprised he was to find the jar empty, besides a small note at the bottom. It read: Remember to add the secret ingredient: LOVE.

Sometimes the events and behaviors of our lives are seemingly ordinary, but a little insignificant “bazeh” can transform the ordinary into the extraordinary. 

You’d think after raising kids for almost 30 years (oldest child, please don’t read this), I’d have figured out the secret already. Your children’s fond memories of their childhood have little to do with momentous mommying and everything to do with mundane moments.

Often, my kids will reminisce. “Remember, Ma, the time we didn’t have power and you taught us about the stars?” (What do I know about stars?)

“You know that song you made up and sang every bedtime? I sing it to my kids now.” (Aww!)

“I loved how you combed our hair on the couch, Ma, and told us these long-winded stories.” (Surely my most prideful parenting position.)

“Ma, remember those pancakes that you made in the shape of teddy bears?” (Seriously? How’d I do that?)

So while there’s a definite place for impromptu travel, the real Mommy points are probably hiding right at home. Among the pots, pans, and unfolded laundry, there are magical moments just waiting to make memories.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 926)