Feel the pain, but don’t allow it to give you the false impression that Hashem isn’t in this tzarah with you

Dear Kallah Who Just Broke Her Engagement,

Tornado is the only word I can use to describe what you’ve been through.

You fell from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. You fell from simchah and glory to the humiliation of having to share that you won’t be standing under the chuppah within the next few months, after all.

It’s hard to put into words the pain and anguish, the days you went through that blurred together with tears and sorrow. My dear friend, it’s a nisayon of epic proportions. I want you to hold on to the hope of better days, the emunah that Hashem has something in store for you that will be grander. Goodness and shefa await you, even though it might not come as soon as you imagined it.

No, watching your friends move on to the next stages of their lives while you’re in limbo isn’t pleasant. You feel stagnant and broken as you work to process your emotions about all that you’ve been through.

My friend, you are stronger than you can ever imagine. In the moment, Hashem gives you kochos that you’ve never dreamed of. That feeling of your heart being broken in two? One day, you’ll see that as a turning point in your life. One day, you’ll see it as one of your greatest experiences of growth. Take the pain and channel it. Give your burden to Hashem. Grieve and mourn what you’ve lost, the vision of the beautiful home you imagined with the man you were engaged to.

However, my dear friend, don’t let it debilitate you. Don’t allow yourself to live in the misery. After death comes life again — after shivah comes shloshim. Stay surrounded by people who make you feel supported, people who love you. Allow yourself to ride the waves of emotion that crash over you. And when it feels overwhelming, make sure that you don’t drown in it. When need be, distract yourself. Stay occupied with things that bring you joy. Feel the pain, the doubts, the confusion, and everything in between. Every emotion will pop up, even ones that don’t make logical sense. Let it all out.

Feel the pain, but don’t allow it to give you the false impression that Hashem isn’t in this tzarah with you.

You will overcome, and be stronger than before.

You got this.

With love and wishes for continued koach,

A Fellow Former Kallah

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 923)