Having a game plan in advance will help create a more enjoyable Yom Tov experience

Yom Tov Game Plan

Hadassah Eventsur

Yom Tov is a joyous time, when family and friends come together to spend time with each other and reconnect with their Creator. But for many people who struggle with executive functioning challenges, Yom Tov can bring about feelings of increased anxiety and overwhelm.

When faced with these feelings, begin by contemplating the most challenging aspects of past Yamim Tovim. The most common categories are meal planning, shopping, cooking, upkeep of the home, triggering interpersonal interactions, and sensory dysregulation. It’s helpful to break down each category into smaller parts to pinpoint the precise challenges.

Now, let’s look at each category and see what we can do to better prepare ourselves to navigate them.

When addressing meal planning, divide each meal by category such as challah, dips and salads, soup, mains, sides, and desserts. Then decide what you’ll serve for each category for each meal. Once armed with a meal plan, you can then create a shopping list. You should ideally do this two weeks before the start of Yom Tov so you can start cooking earlier and spread the tasks out over a larger period of time.

Upkeep of the home can be divided into getting the home ready in preparation for Yom Tov, laundry, setting up each meal, cleaning up after each meal, maintenance of the home between meals, and cleaning up after Yom Tov. You can then brainstorm ways to get everything done, such as buying disposable dishes, getting more cleaning help, or asking guests to help clear after meals.

Triggering interactions can be broken down into spending time with difficult people, dealing with hurtful comments, and comparisons. It’s helpful to speak with a rav and/or therapist/mentor to help you navigate complicated family dynamics. Practice visualizations and comments to steer the conversations away from criticism over how you do things, such as, “In our family, this is how we do it.” When you find yourself making comparisons between your ability to manage and others’, remind yourself that care tasks are morally neutral, unfollow social media influencers that may stir feelings of inferiority, and relinquish feeling responsible for other people’s happiness.

Dysregulation can be categorized into feeling increased anxiety, experiencing dissociation, or going into sensory overload. When faced with anxiety, practice breathing strategies and compassionate self-talk. When you feel dissociated, increase movement by taking a walk or setting a timer to initiate activity for five minutes. To combat noise sensitivity, purchase noise reduction earplugs and identify in advance a quiet place to use as needed.

Yom Tov brings with it both rewards and challenges. Increasing awareness of its challenging aspects, breaking these areas into smaller parts, and having a game plan in advance will help create a more enjoyable Yom Tov experience.

Hadassah Eventsur, MS,OTR/L is an Occupational Therapist and a Certified Life Coach in the Baltimore area. She is the founder of MindfullyYou, a program that supports Frum women who struggle with executive functioning

Curb Your Yom Tov Spending

Rivky Rothenberg and Tsippi Gross

OH,Yom Tov. So fun and yet… so many expenses. Swipe, swipe, swipe can mean your Succos purchases will haunt you all the way to Pesach. Coming into the season with a financial plan ensures a Yom Tov that is both enjoyable during and afterward. Here are some tips to prevent shell shock when you get your post-Yom Tov credit card bill:

1. Write a list of all the things you’ll be purchasing for Yom Tov. Include parents’ clothing, kids' clothing and shoes, toys, succah and accessories, travel, food, extra cleaning help, Chol Hamoed trips. Assign a dollar amount to each item and decide to stay within that number.

Why is this important? Because when you create a budget, you’re in charge of where your money goes. As you purchase, if you need to pay more in one category of items, you can decide which other category you can take it from.

What if you’ve made a budget, but the dollars just aren’t there in the bank? Now that you have an actual number, you can get creative. Sit down with your spouse and ask yourselves: How can we make this work? Some families choose to put in some extra hours at work, some families find it can be more economical to drive to Bubby’s instead of staying home, some families choose to keep their budget lower in the month before and after Yom Tov. No matter what creative idea you have, having an actual dollar amount allows you to find a solution that reaches that number.

2. Plan your menu. Many people don’t realize how much gets spent on food and would rather allocate those funds to other categories. If you’re looking to save this Yom Tov, ask yourself: Do I need as many proteins at our meals as we usually have for us to really enjoy Yom Tov? Am I making so many dishes because I and my family really enjoy them, because we’re hosting and don’t want to come up short, or because that’s what we’ve always done and haven’t considered an alternative? What would make our Yom Tov memorable without overspending on food? Making choices that are value-based always make us enjoy the outcome much more. It will also save you decision-making time, too!
3. Shop from a (flexible) list. Going to the grocery store with an open mind definitely doesn’t help your budget. Sticking to your list can save you oodles, but be cautious that you don’t stick to your list so religiously that you buy overpriced items. Some people find it helpful to write “cooked vegetable” on their shopping list instead of “eggplant” because what if eggplant is overpriced, but zucchini is on sale?

There’s no question that Yom Tov is expensive. But as believing Jews, we know that Hashem will repay us. To find out what fits into the category of hotzaos Yom Tov and what is considered extra, consult with your rav. Clarity is everything.

Tsippi Gross is a business consultant and Rivky Rothenberg is a CPA. Together they started Ashir, a nonprofit that provides financial training for communities and families.

Hives

Dr. Jennie Berkovich

Hives, or urticaria, can be worrisome. While food allergies are a common cause, the most frequent trigger in healthy children is infection, such as a recent virus or strep. In fact, the most common diagnosis for isolated hives is “viral urticaria,” or hives, due to a recent or ongoing virus. These hives usually resolve on their own. For mild cases, second-generation antihistamines like cetirizine (Zyrtec) or fexofenadine (Allegra) are most effective. Older antihistamines like diphenhydramine (Benadryl) are less effective and more sedating. Hives lasting over a few weeks may need further treatment. Hives with breathing issues and/or facial swelling, which are signs of anaphylaxis, require emergency care.

Dr. Jennie Berkovich is a board-certified pediatrician in Chicago and serves as the Director of Education for the Jewish Orthodox Medical Association (JOWMA).

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 913)