“This is a result of the story being written well enough that readers can identify with the characters and scenarios”

His Smile Was Missing [Forward March / Issue 1028]

I appreciate the work it takes to pull together a cover story and tribute article in a relatively short time and well understand the challenges. But along with that, there is also the responsibility, the duty to share a gadol baTorah with readers who may not have known him, and this will be their only encounter with the subject of the article.

I found Shmuel Botnick’s tribute to Mori v’Rabbi, the Riverdale Rosh Yeshivah, to be very well-written, but the cover image left me disappointed. In this industry, we well understand the power of a cover image to send a message, and even tell a complete story, and the image you chose to feature does not tell the right story.

Our Rosh Yeshivah, Rav Avrohom Ausband ztz”l, was defined by his smile and his simchas hachayim, chizuk to others radiating from his face. It’s because of this that he was able to relate and connect to anyone who came in contact with him.

Somehow, though he said a very high-level daily shiur, led a large, flourishing yeshivah, carried responsibility for the spiritual and material well-being of hundreds of yungeleit, and guided so many talmidim, along with being a devoted father to his own family, he always appeared fresh, vibrant, and energetic, challenging us to do the same.

Over the shivah, we have heard a bit about the intensity of his private avodah and relentless mussar discipline with which he lived, yet, as the Chovos Halevavos says of the chassid, he carried “his mourning in his heart, and jubilation on his face.”

There are so many pictures that tell this story and to have chosen a different one is, to me, a missed opportunity.

Respectfully,

Rabbi Gedaliah Zlotowitz

More Memories [Forward March / Issue 1028]

I’m writing to express my appreciation for your moving and inspiring coverage of Rav Avraham Ausband’s petirah, and the meaningful tribute to his memory, as captured by your gifted writer, Reb Shmuel Botnick.

We are all still shocked and do not yet realize the extent of the loss to his family, his talmidim, and all who came in contact with him. His profound impact on countless talmidim based on his unwavering dedication to Torah were beautifully captured in your article. I thought I would add some details on his life work and impact.

When he moved to Riverdale, he became a neighbor of Rav Mordechai Willig, the Rav of the Young Israel and a choshuve rosh yeshivah at Rabbeinu Yitzchak Elchanan (REITS). It was reported that Rav Willig was so impressed with Rav Ausband’s vision, that he spoke to his kehillah saying, “The black hats are coming to Riverdale and we are going to welcome them, and the tzurah of Yiddishkeit is going to change in Riverdale.”

Not long afterward, Rav Avraham told me that he started a shiur on Wednesdays for medical professionals, and the Riverdale community was so proud to have the yeshivah in its midst.

I recall visiting my doctor in Riverdale, and when I questioned him about the yeshivah bochurim I saw leaving his office, he replied, “I promised my dear friend Rav Ausband that I will make every effort to care for them first, so that his yeshivah bochurim can return to learning as soon as possible.”

At the suggestion of my dear friend, Rav Chaim Amsel of Monsey, my bechor was among the first talmidim in Telshe-Westwood (which later became Telshe-Riverdale). In those early years, Rav Ausband had a vision to create an American yeshivah with the high standards of the tradition of Rav Leizer Gordon’s world of Telshe. Rav Reisman would call me to tell me that my son was mechaven to a Rav Akiva Eiger’s kasheh that day in shiur. He wanted me to respond accordingly and encourage my son to further have a geshmak in learning.

In your feature, you highlighted Rav Ausband’s kavanah in davening. One year, Rav Avraham invited me to spend Yom Kippur at the yeshivah in Riverdale with my son. Among the baalei tefillah were my future mechutan, Rav Avraham Amsel, who knew the Telzer nusach and had a pleasant voice. I was personally privy to see Rav Ausband’s heartfelt tefillos for his family and his talmidim, whom he considered his family.

My late wife, Ruthie a”h, and I had great hakoras hatov to Rav Ausband and his choshuve partner, Rav Yankel Reisman shlita, the menahel, for the personal attention they extended to our son.

We also hosted the annual successful Monsey Parlor Meeting for the first three years. In the third year, we scheduled Sunday, January 1st as the best date to attract the greatest participation. The guest speaker was Rav Reisman’s shver, Rav Mordechai Gifter ztz”l. The week before, Rav Gifter was not well, so we rescheduled it for Sunday, January 15th, two weeks later.

Baruch Hashem, on the Thursday before, my wife presented me with a birthday gift — our son was born on 8 Shevat (January 12th). We had a houseful for the Friday night shalom zachar, my wife came home Sunday morning, and Sunday night we hosted over 75 people in our home. When Rav Gifter heard about the newborn, he gave special brachos that we be zocheh to much nachas and that this son grow up to be an outstanding talmid chacham.

Here we are 40 years later and baruch Hashem, my son lives in Geula, and I have the zechus to learn with him in an American kollel in Meah Shearim most of the week for over three hours a day.

When it came time for the bris that Thursday, we were mechabed Rav Avraham Ausband with being his sandek, and he was named Chaim Mordechai after an uncle, who had no one named for him yet. When Rav Avraham heard the name, he and Rav Reisman coined the phrase, “The Telzer Baby,” since he had the same name as the late Telzer rosh yeshivah of Cleveland, Rav Chaim Mordechai Katz ztz”l. Both Rav Ausband and Rav Reisman would often call to ask, “How is the Telzer Baby?”

When Rav and Mrs. Ausband lost their 11-year-old daughter, Leah, I brought the late gaon, Rav Yosef Meir Kantor ztz”l, rav of Agudas Yisrael of Monsey, to be menachem avel, and they spent some time in conversation, after which Rav Ausband could not stop thanking Rav Kantor for his words that were a real nechamah.

Much like Rav Leizer Gordon, Rav Avraham had a vision, and for over the 40 years, he was able to build one of the leading “Tier One” yeshivos, whose talmidim are in key positions all across America and Eretz Yisrael, carry his vision, and are shaping today’s successful Torah world.

Chaval al d’avdin,

Yisroel Safrin,

Telz Stone and Boynton Beach, Florida

We’re the Silent Majority [Second Thoughts / Issue 1028]

I wanted to assure Rabbi Feldman that the majority of subscribers — over 100,000 people — did notice that the best part of the magazine was missing last week. We’re just the silent majority.

Your readers have learned from you so well that we’ve adopted your wisdom in handling life’s disappointments; instead of flooding the magazine with complaints, we quietly waited for your return.

In fact, your article is the very first thing my wife reads each week — she’s so devoted to it that you’re practically her rabbi at this point.

We all believe that you deserve a Pulitzer Prize for the quality of your writing.

Warm regards,

Chaim Schwartz

He Is SO Not “Ordinary”!  [Second Thoughts / Issue 1028]

I hate to publicly disagree with Rabbi Feldman, but an “ordinary, everyday scrivener” he is not! He is a brilliant, witty, original thinker, who melds Torah values with lyrical writing. (When was the last time you met the word “scrivener” in a magazine?) Don’t worry, I won’t pound down the door to Mishpacha if they miss a week of his Second Thoughts, but I sure won’t be happy. And Rabbi Feldman — well, your column is not the first I read each week, who could possibly compete with the Kichels? But it’s the second that I turn to, knowing it will make me laugh, cry, or even — gasp! — think.

With admiration and thanks,

Miriam Zakon

Truth from Whoever Transmits It [Hersh’s Gift / Issue 1027]

The Rambam says in his hakdamah to the Shemoneh Perakim, “Hear truth from whoever transmits it.” A number of recent Mishpacha articles have sensitively and courageously exemplified this eternal calling. At a time when so many gut-wrenching dilemmas are deepening divisions and polarization in Klal Yisrael, this is as important as ever.

First, Gedalia Guttentag’s “Hersh’s Gift” and his full-length profile of Jon and Rachel Goldberg-Polin in July. Guttentag beautifully reflected the beautiful rays of light Jon and Rachel have radiated amid their visceral pain, no matter that we wouldn’t find ourselves davening in their shul. We have so many Torah values to learn from them. Visiting their shivah was itself a mussar shmuess.

Second, Rabbi Moshe Hauer’s piece on our relationship to politics and the Democratic party was excellent. Despite having no intention to vote for any of the Democratic candidates, I agree with Rabbi Hauer’s sentiments. In fact, it’s concerning that his sentiments are quite rare in today’s frum world. For ma’aminim bnei ma’aminim, I’d hope they’re self-evident, as Shlomo Hamelech teaches us, “Lev melachim b’Yad Hashem.” That’s not to exclude the necessity of our hishtadlus, as Rabbi Hauer wrote and our gedolim have shown throughout American history.

Relatedly, two of Israel’s greatest friends since October 7 are Sen. John Fetterman and Rep. Ritchie Torres of the Democratic party. We ought to thank them regularly.

Third, Rabbi Emanuel Feldman’s “The Bank and the Brachah.” Though it was published in May, its message is timeless. At a time that secular Israel was being branded as “enemies of Torah,” it was refreshing to see inherent value ascribed to secular Jews, not just as potential kiruv “projects.”

Lastly, how can I mention Rabbi Feldman without appreciating the brilliance, comedy, and thought-provoking seriousness of his two recent columns reflecting on President Biden’s cognitive decline. Rabbi Feldman maintains a unique flair unmatched by any other Jewish columnist I know. May Hashem bless him with many more years in good health!

Chaim Goldberg,

Har Nof, Israel

Insensitive to the Academically Challenged  [No Free Gifts / Issue 1027]

The feature about gifted children was a great read, very informative, and I really enjoyed it. However, there are a few reasons why I felt it was insensitive to have published it at the beginning of a new school year.

While everyone is full of anxiety at this time, I think the fear of the academically challenged children is greater than all others. I noticed a student on the first day of school with a sad face who didn’t make eye contact. I saw the fear in her eyes, which said to me, “I’m so scared of the shame I will face when you’ll see that I can’t read and write at ten years old.” Parents of children like this feel this as well. I think most gifted children start the school year with more positivity, hoping that this teacher will stimulate them.

While gifted students will always feel different, they get admiration from adults and peers. Academically challenged students can be so broken sometimes, and not receiving honor from adults and peers for any success.

While I do agree that gifted students are very challenged, I would like to point out that there are very few real brilliant children. I’ve taught about 300 students over the years and can count very few exceptionally gifted ones. Yet every single class unfortunately has a few real weak ones.

I don’t want to minimize the challenges of gifted children. I’m only trying to give a voice to learning disabled children and their parents. I suppose that as much as there is talk about them and their challenges, they might have felt stung seeing such an article at this time when their pain and fear is so intense.

May HaKadosh Baruch Hu give us the tools to reach all his children to nurture growth and success.

R. Fried

Monsey, NY

A Textbook Case [No Free Gifts / Issue 1027]

As a mom of an academically gifted child, this was a truly validating and informative article to read.

My daughter went through ups and downs in a mainstream elementary school, culminating in her unfortunate expulsion. Gifted students are indeed misunderstood, and their unique challenges are rarely acknowledged or addressed. In my situation, it was so much easier to blame her struggles on a seemingly more apparent hardship, than to actually read the results of her neuropsych report which clearly indicate giftedness, and the areas in which it affects her emotional and behavioral health. (The blamed trauma obviously exacerbated the situation, but should have invited additional sensitivity and compassion, not expelling the poor kid!)

The more I read up on gifted children, the more I understood how she was literally a textbook case! But because of the lack of awareness of the vast and complex world of gifted children, my concerns were hardly heard, and it was painful to observe her being mishandled.

Giftedness is a mixed blessing. I will never stop advocating for my child, and I so appreciate Mishpacha magazine featuring this article, as well as the efforts of Dr. Mandelman and Mrs. Pinkus for their crucial work with gifted children.

Shout out to my devoted support team — Rabbi and Mrs. S., Rabbi M., Mr. and Mrs. B., Mrs. C., — and all of my incredible friends for leaving no stone unturned in pursuing the best route for my daughter.

Here’s to hoping that our schools will always be a safe, supportive, warm, encouraging environment for students across the wide spectrum of abilities and strengths.

Anonymous

Don’t Try This [Arabian Dreams / Issue 1027]

The following message is difficult to write, as I don’t like to find fault with your articles. Yet I believe that sending in this response may save someone’s life, and as such it is a responsibility of mine to pen this.

1. If I could ask a question to extreme travelers, like the one featured on an individual’s encounters in Yemen, it would be: From whom have you received a heter to put yourself in a situation of sakanos nefashos? Traveling to dangerous destinations like Yemen — a place where an armed guard was needed — is one which no doubt uses up personal merits. V’nishmartem me’od l’nafshoseichem.
2. What if something were to go wrong, an event somewhat probable? One misstep or blunder and revealing a traveler’s Jewish or Western identity could cost someone their life, or a life of torture and captivity. Of course, Klal Yisrael, as rachmanim bnei rachmanim would engage in pidyon shevuyim. Pidyon shevuyim to satisfy someone’s sightseeing pleasures? Let us reserve this (hopefully rare) mitzvah for genuine, unavoidable, and unfortunate cases, not for unnecessary, self-imposed ones. As Yemen is listed as a Grade 4 country, no travel insurance or state will take any form of responsibility. They warn against traveling to such countries for ones’ safety and security, not to restrict tourists unnecessarily.

If the above is not compelling enough, what worries me most is that writing such articles normalizes the abnormal. Sentences describing how dressing in a certain manner makes one blend in, or that comparably certain areas of Europe feel less safe is mere platitudes aimed at justifying the unjustifiable. Articles like these may plant seeds in the minds of other less savvy, poorly connected, or weakly researched risk-takers to explore such destinations.

If extreme travelers feel that it is acceptable to explore such dangerous destinations, may I respectfully request that Mishpacha do the responsible thing and omit it from its magazine. Thank me for it later!

GG

What We Can Learn from Them [Learning Curve / Issue 1027]

Yehuda Geberer has done it again! As I started reading the article, it was as if I could hear the voice of Rav Asher Arieli saying one of his famous shmuessen, and it was nostalgic for me and an indicator that this article would be high quality!

The article (aside from being informative) resonated with me and reminded me of a couple of anecdotes. Growing up, I had a neighbor who was a Holocaust survivor. He was of Galician extraction from a Belzer family. He was a devout Jew who was very charitable, but when I knew him, he did not look like a chassid. When I became bar mitzvah, I told him about my bar mitzvah derashah, yet he seemed unimpressed and told me that when he was my age, he knew the topic of taruvos by heart. It was only many years later that I understood what type of feat this precious Jew was able to accomplish.

On a more personal note, the description that Yehuda gives of stancias, especially the ones in the Mir, aside from being spot on, really hit home for me. When my German grandfather learned in the Mir, some of the fellow members of his stancia were none other than the famed Rav Yona Minsker and Rav Yisroel Perkovsky (later one of the roshei yeshivah of Bais HaTalmud). How much my grandfather (and other foreign bochurim) got from talking to them in learning, I’ll never know, but what they did get was as follows (in my humble opinion): When one was in a yeshivah like Mir, Poland, the goal was for you to become a lamdan of the highest order. But daily interactions with such high-level lamdanim and baalei mussar enabled them to see how to conduct oneself, and that is a valuable lesson, still as important today as ever.

Name Withheld

It’s Fiction! [Inbox / Issue 1027]

Scientists have long known that the emotional area of the mind can barely distinguish between reality and fiction. That is why totally fictional stories and characters can elicit such strong emotional responses such as crying, anger, relief, and elation. In fact, that is why fictional stories with well-developed characters can be compelling reads in the first place.

I feel the responses to Picture This that decry the overstepping of the privacy and sanctity boundaries of a marriage are similarly an irrational emotional reaction to a well-written story as if the story were true. This is a result of the story being written well enough that readers can identify with the characters and scenarios, achieving the emotional connection all fiction writers aim for in their readers.

Meanwhile, in the real world, no boundaries at all have been overstepped, nobody’s marriage has been “invaded” by onlookers, for the simple reason that the characters don’t exist.

YK

Pay Them a Livable Wage [Double Take / Issue 1026]

The principal in the Double Take about the teacher who couldn’t make it back from her summer camp job in time for an in-service, and the principal who was insistent that all staff make every effort to attend — was absolutely right... and simultaneously absolutely wrong.

The teacher was in the situation described in the story because of choices that the principal, along with others like her, have made over the past few years. While everyone can see that schools struggle financially, schools also make financial choices. And many choices over the past decade have been choices to spend on everything in school aside from teacher salaries.

If her school wants her to be fully there, then let that school pay her a livable salary (so she can actually breathe during the summer months). She’s not looking for luxury, but needs to be able to afford basic clothing and dental bills for her children.

Name Withheld

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1029)