Dassy + doughnuts = no moderation. Once I started, there’d be no stopping

H

i! My name is Dassy and I love doughnuts. In fact, that’s the understatement of the century. I love doughnuts. I look forward to Chanukah all year round. Then I’m in a doughnut lovers’ paradise: cream, jam, chocolate, caramel, pineapple, licorice… you name it. There’s no flavor I haven’t tried and loved. Every year, (well except that year my mother tried, unsuccessfully, to make doughnuts herself but that’s a story for a different time) the bakeries make a mint off me. Come Chanukah, I splurge on doughnuts by the dozen. But this year was going to be different.

A bit of history about myself. I’ve always been slightly on the pudgy side (and that’s putting it quite nicely). Though it never really bothered me, for the past few years my parents have been gently cajoling me to slim down a bit, but I never had the will or stamina to see any diet plan through properly for more than a week or two, max. Then my oldest sister got engaged. It was finally time to make that decision. I was going to shed a few of those extra pounds. This time it was for real. I went to see a dietician and we designed a plan, custom-tailored for me. And can you guess? It took a lot of hard work and self-control, but it actually started working. Those familiar with the world of dieting are probably sympathizing with me, but it was definitely a fair price to pay for the new me.

Three months down the line and I had just a few more pounds to lose so that the gown of my dreams would fit (it was just a tad too snug) and I was determined to reach my goal. Except that Chanukah came before the wedding and I was up against my biggest challenge.

One of the key words to healthy eating is “moderation,” but I knew myself too well. Dassy + doughnuts = no moderation. Once I started, there’d be no stopping. So, there was only one way to go about it — not to start at all. And it would have to be an ironclad resolution. No U-turns. With a firm hand and an even firmer heart I wrote out that painfully hard decision on a crisp new sheet of paper:

This Chanukah — Year 2016 (I put the date on to avoid all legal loopholes later enabling me to cheat) starting from tonight, the first night of Chanukah, no part of any doughnut — irrelevant of its shape, size, or flavor — will pass thru my lips.

Signed, Dassy

There — my fate was sealed! This year I was officially dumpin’ the doughnuts.

The “declaration” was posted prominently on my closet reminding me of the decision 24/7. My siblings laughed when they saw it. How on earth would a doughnut addict like me manage such an impossible mission, and on Chanukah nonetheless?