And because it’s the first day of school and the air smells of new beginnings and anything is possible, I add one addendum: Please, Hashem, let this all work out better than I could have ever expected.

After pulling one more face in the mirror, I run downstairs. Don’t want to be late for the first day.

School is chaos. Girls are milling about, shrieking, hugging, comparing schedules. The ninth graders are standing around, looking terrified, clutching school maps. I resist the urge to send a ninth grader to the wrong floor and very kindly show her the freshman wing. I’m a tzadeikes.

Debbi is talking a mile a minute, blabbing on and on about our schedule, how it’s insanely hectic but like soooo good, two study periods and labs and gym and hello, it’s like, where’s the schoolwork? Okay there is Chumash and Navi and bekius, but like helloooo can you believe all the free time?

I’m nodding along but all I can think is: Ma’s class is in two hours. Ma’s class is in two hours, in two hours is Ma’s class.

Faiga Braun grabs my hand. “Nooooomes! I missed you! How was Ashreinu?”

I give her a quick hug. She smiles at me, eyebrows raised. What was her question?

“Um, yeah, Ashreinu was amazing. Absolutely a blast. How was by you?”

“Bederech was hec-tic! We traveled to nine different states in nine days!”

Wow, that actually sounds amazing. I wave at her and look down at my schedule. Time for kisvei mussar with Mrs. Katz, the principal. Uch, that was a class I was actually looking forward to. Now I’ll just be sitting there, plotzing about what’s to come. Debbi pulls me to 11A, and we find seats in the front. Mrs. Katz is incredible, and I’m so excited to finally be in one of her classes; she only teaches 11th and 12th.

We stand up when the principal arrives. She smiles at us, a warm, genuine smile, and enters.

“Banos, it is so so good to see you all. I mamash am seeing your ninth-grade selves in front of my eyes; it’s true nachas to see how lovely and mature you’ve grown. I hope everyone had an invigorating summer?”

She looks at us questioningly; I look around the room out of the corner of my eye. I don’t want to be the only one nodding. No, everyone’s nodding happily. I nod, too; we look like a bunch of bobbleheads.

Mrs. Katz smiles. “Okay, wonderful. So down to business, yes? Shaarei Teshuvah!”

And she delves into the sefer with such excitement that you can’t help feeling the same way.

And just like, 40 minutes fly by, and we have five minutes before Morah Taub is going to walk through the door.

I’m not handling. I pinch Debbi, but like hard.

“Ow! What! Oh… Nomes!” She makes a face. “It’s going to be totally okay. Watch, the worst part will have been the anticipation. Let’s get this over with, right?”

I’m nauseous again. And then I realize: I’m still in the front row! I make a beeline for my desk to gather up my things and head to one of the empty desks in the back, but it’s too late. The class grows quiet. I look up hesitantly, and there’s Ma, standing framed in the doorway.

To be continued…

(Originally featured in Mishpacha Jr., Issue 966)