From an early age, firstborns can take on adult traits because, being the oldest, their role models are usually grownups  

If you’re a firstborn, are married to one, or gave birth to one, you may be familiar with the typical personality traits: strong-willed, confident, determined, driven, organized, reliable, and super responsible. Family First looks at why oldest children turn out that way, the benefits and pitfalls of being born first, plus how to best parent your bechor or bechorah

At the age of eight, firstborn Karen Stein*, was given instructions on how to do something by an adult in the family. “How can you tell me what to do? I’ve already raised four children!” replied Karen, now a grandmother living in Silver Spring, Maryland, referring to her younger siblings.

That strong-willed confidence is typical of oldest children, who are often leaders of the pack, second-in-command after mother and father, and role models for the children who follow.

Research indicates that firstborns can be determined, driven, hardworking, organized, scholarly, and super-conscientious. They’re known to have very strong personalities, making them suited for leadership roles. Studies have consistently revealed that oldest children tend to excel academically, and often pursue intellectual professions in the fields of science, medicine, or law.

When it comes to exacting, precise work like engineering, bookkeeping, and accounting, firstborns also take the cake, explains Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book (Revell, 2004). According to him, firstborns come in two types: the strong-willed movers and shakers, and the reliable, conscientious do-gooders.

Are oldest children born with these characteristics — or do they develop them as a result of their birth order? What are the pluses and minuses of being the oldest? And what should parents keep in mind when raising their firstborn?

As an oldest myself, I found these questions fascinating. Here are the answers I turned up:

Coming in First Place

Birth order isn’t a “cookie-cutter process,” Dr. Leman admits, but it has proven to be a helpful tool in understanding where a person is coming from and how his or her personality has been molded.

A child with firstborn traits doesn’t always have to be the actual firstborn, adds Rabbi Zecharya Greenwald, principal of Meohr Bais Yaakov and author of Preparing Your Child for Success (Artscroll/Mesorah, 2005). In frum families, there can be more than one “oldest” — the eldest son or daughter, even if not the actual firstborn, often exhibits firstborn traits. Similarly, the oldest child after a gap in the family or in a line of boys or girls can be considered a “firstborn.”