A great king went to visit his soldiers and was pleased with their performance. He publicly announced that any soldier can request whatever he wants. One soldier approached and said “My master the king. I am devoted to you with all my heart and soul; my only request is that you provide me with meals every day.”

His friends laughed. “Fool! What a waste of a request. You’re provided with meals anyway! You’re a soldier and all the soldiers are fed and supported at the king’s expense.” (Chofetz Chaim al HaTorah)

My cousin Naomi sat across from me her new engagement ring sparkling in the sun.

“You know what I’m most nervous about” she said suddenly. “I know I want to establish a home of Torah with lots of children but I’m so scared about how we’re going to manage financially. Tell me the truth. How on earth do you support such a large family?”

I faced Naomi at a loss for words. This young bride can’t even imagine half the expenses that’ll crop up in life. Tuition braces electric bills…

Suddenly I too was scared.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” I took a deep breath trying to find the right words. I knew that she wanted to hear facts and numbers and not divrei Torah. But the truth spoke on its own.

“We live on nissim. Every day is a new miracle. I could tell you how much I earn and what my husband’s salary is and afterward draw up a list of our expenses. You’d see that there’s no correlation between the two. We live on miracles.”

“But who’s to say that I’ll also merit miracles?

I totally understood her. There was a time when I also asked such questions. I remember when we were a young couple two days after sheva brachos going to do our first shopping in the supermarket. Life seemed blissful. Cucumbers. Tomatoes. Bread. Tissues. We didn’t have a credit card and paid in cash. Cash that we received as wedding gifts.

And then something went awry in the rosy picture. The bill was much higher than we expected. I was shocked and worried. What? Cottage cheese milk and a few fruits and vegetables cost so much? I didn’t have a job yet and my husband hadn’t started kollel.

As I unpacked the groceries into my small fridge my mind was whirling. How would we manage the Shabbos shopping if we couldn’t even pay for a small weekday one?

Many years have passed since many shopping trips taken. We managed to buy a larger fridge that’s filled to the brim week after week. We have monthly weekly and even daily expenses. I unpack the groceries and find myself wondering: How does this miracle happen every day anew? Why do I deserve this neis?

The second “You” seems superfluous.

The Gemara (Taanis 2a) helps us understand this. There are three keys that aren’t given over to an emissary: the key of rain (livelihood) the key of childbirth and the key of techiyas hameisim.

If the key to livelihood would be put in the hands of a malach he’d see that someone wasn’t serving Hashem properly and he wouldn’t give him a livelihood at all. There would be people who didn’t fulfill their Divine service dying every day. But Hashem Himself Who is the source of mercy and compassion sustains and supports all His creatures gives bread to all flesh for His kindness is everlasting. (ibid.)

Today I no longer worry. Everything is so expensive and finances don’t make sense; the questions become irrelevant.

It’s the type of thing you can’t understand until you experience it. It’s so clear that the King is paying for my meals. I just have to try to be a dedicated soldier in His army and then I’m nourished with grace kindness and compassion each day anew. Worry Free.