Readers share what the reid on what it’s like when things aren’t heimish anymore

Last Week’s Poll

With the onset of September, many find themselves beginning new jobs or starting new schooling programs. For more than a few of us, this is the first time we find ourselves interacting with the secular world on a professional level, and that can get a little, uh, Ballot Box friendly. Readers share what the reid on what it’s like when things aren’t heimish anymore.

Frum Faux Pas

A group of guys are hanging out in the lounge and you try to be social.

“Hey,” you say to the ringleader. “I’m Sam, from New Jersey.”

You must have done a decent job ’cuz he smiles broadly and says “Hey, nice to meet ya. I’m Alex, from Los Angeles.”

“Los Angeles?!” You blurt out, “You know Blomowitz?”

Alex looks out you strangely and you know you’ve really messed up. Jewish Geography is a handy tool… for Jews.

“Whatever,” you mumble. “My shvugger’s uncle.”

“Sorry, your what?”

Alex is trying to be polite but you can tell he’s getting concerned. You try damage control.

“No, just, whatever… I thought you’d know him ’cuz he’s a big nursing home guy.”

“Uh, I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alex says, still polite.

No. You’re afraid he doesn’t. So much for being social…

No, Thank You!

Growing up in a little out-of-the-way town, I learned to be respectful of other cultures. Therefore, I had a cordial relationship with people not of our faith. We were always taught to make a kiddush Hashem.

As an adult, when I entered a Catholic university as the only Jewish student, and Orthodox at that, my upbringing was put to the test every day. My clothing was different, my speech was different, my food was different, my thinking was different. Where could I find a corner to recite asher yatzar, make a brachah, and bentsh away from the symbols of their religion?

Still, most of my fellow students respected me despite my strangeness. But one day I arrived at school and found that a devout Ethiopian Catholic had left literature on my desk detailing how to convert!

I simply smiled and said, “We don’t proselytize in our religion,” and respectfully handed her back her literature. My kiddush Hashem for the day!

Keep It in the Family

You have a few minutes before class and you decide to check Yeshiva World. The top news is a shocking story of national importance (think raid on Mar-a-Lago or something like that) and, excitedly, you click on that post.

Except you didn’t really. By accident, you hit the post right beneath it, which says, “Moshe Gafni Opposes New Draft Bill.”

Your neighbor Kendall O’Malley, who’s been peeking over your shoulder, looks a little puzzled and says, “What’s the new draft bill?”

And you realize that maybe Yeshiva World is something to be kept, well, within the Yeshiva World.

Pashut Pshat

You’re in your first year of law school, and your civil procedure class is learning about the various standards for a federal court’s jurisdiction over a case. You learned the two primary elements: personal jurisdiction and subject matter jurisdiction.

Your mind wanders and you begin daydreaming about the siyum you plan on making that night when you suddenly hear your professor’s voice.

“Mr. Goldberg, please tell us the distinction between personal jurisdiction and subject matter jurisdiction.”

Extremely flustered and caught off guard you blurt out, “Well, one is a din in the gavra and the other is a din in the cheftza.”

Call yourself a law professor. The guy never even learned a Reb Chaim….

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 928)