I was sure that there would never be sun in my life again. I would never feel happy

W

hen I went to sleep that night, the new reality hit me in a wave of grief. I realized that I didn’t have a home anymore. During the week of shivah, my brother Yehudah would be here. But what would happen afterwards? I couldn’t live on my own. I thought that the tears had dried up. But I was wrong. As I lay down on my bed, the tears came pouring out of my eyes, soaking my pillow and blanket. I was hurting so badly. I felt a huge hole in my heart. And I wanted to talk to Mommy about it. But Mommy wasn’t there. I couldn’t talk to her. Not about this or anything. Never again.

I guess I fell asleep because I opened my eyes to the sun shining into my bedroom.

I couldn’t believe that the sun could shine on such a horrible day, the first full day of shivah and the second day without Mommy. I was sure that there would never be sun in my life again. I would never feel happy. Oh, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, why did you leave me?

I sat on that low stool the whole week. Friends, neighbors, classmates, rabbanim, and teachers came and went. I think the whole community came.