SOLID CONNECTION Establishing a solid connection with your mechutanim from the get-go is the key to avoiding relationship pitfalls.With a healthy attitude in place you can develop a beautiful rapport

F or 20- odd years you raise your child giving and guiding. And then suddenly that child is married. Not only is there now a child-in-law to contend with there’s also a brand- new set of parents. Sticky scenarios mechutenestes’ machatenistas’ reactions and experts’ take on how to navigate the delicate relationship with your married children and their in-laws

The Shifrins & The Weiders 

When Yossi Shifrin enters the parshah his mother has an exact picture of her ideal daughter-in-law. She wants someone just like her daughters — — smart pretty and exceptionally refined. Yossi is a nice average boy probably not the future gaon his mother dreams he is.

Vetting candidates Henny Shifrin soon learns that none of the suggested girls can hold a candle to her own prized daughters. She nixes one suggestion after another occasionally swallowing a discomfiting rejection as well.

It’s probably out of frustration that Henny even listens to the shadchan who mentions Perela Weider. The Weiders are very different from the Shifrins — — chilled-out and liberal. And yet they’re also wealthy and Perela is beautiful. She wins Henny’s heart.

The Shifrin girls are scandalized when they hear about this shidduch. They know Perela from school and warn their mother that she really doesn’t fit the bill. But Henny waves them off saying that Perela is so sweet and will surely adapt to their family’s ideals over time.

She’s wrong.

The couple gets married and seems happy. Perela’s open-mindedness is actually a perfect fit for Yossi. But Henny can’t tolerate Perela’s lax standards from the way she dresses to the opinions she holds. No matter how diplomatically Henny hints and suggests Perela doesn’t toe the line.

Although Perela has never put up any pretenses about who she is resentment festers in Henny’s heart. After a year of gritting her teeth she can’t take it anymore and invites Perela’s mother Toby Weider for coffee.