This darkness is beginning to penetrate my bones and take away all the cheer I have inside…

As told to Devorah Grant

"Chedva, come on! It’s time to get up, you’re going to be late for school again!” I groan and roll over. It might be almost eight a.m. but it sure doesn’t feel that way to me. A thin shaft of light peeks through the edges of my curtains, and for the tenth time this week I think: I hate winter.

It’s not even winter yet, actually. It’s the end of October, the leaves are just starting to turn orange, and when the sky is blue, the leafy carpet of colors beneath me can even look beautiful. But then comes five p.m., the light fades, and I’m left with this constant feeling of blueness that no one seems to get. Sure, everyone talks about how they love vacation, and hate the feeling of frostbitten fingers or having to carry an umbrella. But I truly wonder if anyone gets this down. This feeling of wanting to drift away in my bed until the sun comes back up in March. Of feeling just plain old miserable. Ugh. Did I mention I hate winter?

Eventually, I drag myself out of bed and head off to school. I have friends and work to focus on, but somehow my mind keeps wandering and my body feels sluggish, as if I’m desperate for yet more sleep. By the time I get home, I feel like a dish rag.

“How was your day, Chedva?” my mother asks, foil trays in one hand, baby Shimmy in the other. I grunt in response, forage in the fridge, then beat a hasty retreat to my bedroom with a yogurt. Some days I stay in the kitchen and chat with Mom while she puts up supper. Right now, I have zero energy to talk to anyone. I’m done. And I forgot to get a spoon. Sigh.

I plop down heavily on my bed and stare miserably around my room. It’s a nice space really — white walls, pink bedding, and a desk all to myself. But my eyes keep getting drawn back to that big window, all black, all dark. What’s wrong with me? I ask myself. I have no answer, but I know that this darkness is beginning to penetrate my bones and take away all the cheer I have inside…