I, on the other hand, hoped that my tone didn’t convey my disbelief at her naiveté

Miriam Lipson

Shadchan and dating coach

Providence, Rhode Island

I made my first shidduch more than 40 years ago. The thrill and excitement of helping bring couples together hasn’t worn off. I relish the simchah and find the experience energizing, even when a shidduch requires a lot of work and hand-holding.

I eat, sleep, and breathe every shidduch. I help each side sift through the fears and anxieties, to analyze and scrutinize the “he said” and “she thinks.” And when, in the best interests of both parties, the shidduch needs to dissolve, well, I do that too.

My name is on various shadchan lists, so I get calls from all over. But I wasn’t prepared for a call from Aliza Duer* of Argentina. She was sweet and respectful and hoped I could help her. I, on the other hand, hoped that my tone didn’t convey my disbelief at her naiveté. How could I help her when she wasn’t even planning a trip to the US?

Wanting to preserve her dignity, I dutifully took down Aliza’s information — she had to be really desperate if she was calling me, and the last thing I wanted to do was discourage her. But I knew there was nothing I’d be able to do for her.

Except one thing. I could daven that she finds her zivug. Before we ended the call, I asked for her name and her mother’s name and stuck it in my siddur.