Always remember that if you are waiting for something to “feel” right, you’ll only continue to wait

Do It Scared

Hadassah Eventsur

“One of the biggest myths as it relates to taking action is that you need to feel ready to do so. Chazal understood this concept and therefore teach us two ideas. The first is “mitzvah goreres mitzvah.” When a person performs a mitzvah, i.e., takes action, it doesn’t just stand alone. It changes a person, making them more inclined and motivated toward further positive action.

Chazal also teach “lefum tzaara agra,” which means, “According to the effort is the reward.” This implies that inner transformation and growth come through exertion itself, not merely through emotional readiness. The recipe for success and attaining the next mitzvah is to initially feel the discomfort and then do the task — and the reward for that is proportional to the level of pain.

I often teach my clients this principle: “Readiness” is not a feeling, but a decision. When we face a new or uncomfortable situation, taking action may feel scary, so we tend to procrastinate. Our brain is constantly calculating how to keep you safe, so it will make predictions such as, “If you do this, you might embarrass yourself,” or “No one will take you seriously,” or “You might mess up and cause damage.” This is more likely to happen in a new situation because your brain doesn’t have data to show you evidence of past successes.

When you experience uncertainty about something, your brain references the past. If you have a history of frequently procrastinating or terminating action due to discomfort, your brain will use this as proof you shouldn’t act. This is the reason why fear creates resistance to act and why motivation comes only after we take action.

So how can we empower ourselves to take action in a space of uncertainty? The key is to modify the circumstances surrounding this novel situation to make it feel as safe as possible. You can do this by working on nervous system regulation. This doesn’t mean to avoid feeling the fear itself. You can and should feel and process the fear, but if you work on self-regulation while taking action, you will teach your brain that taking action when afraid isn’t unsafe. This is new data that your brain can reference and will make you less likely to resist taking action. The more you take action despite fear or hesitancy, the more novel data you create for your brain to pull from.

The feeling of decisiveness and confidence that you’re seeking in order to take action will eventually come after multiple times of you doing what you fear. And this feeling of decisiveness will increase your ability to move forward regularly.

Always remember that if you are waiting for something to “feel” right, you’ll only continue to wait. There’s no time like the present to make things happen.

Hadassah Eventsur, MS, OTR/L, is an occupational therapist, certified life coach, and founder of MindfullyYou, a program that supports frum women who struggle with executive functioning.

Wait

Zipora Schuck and Devora Schuck

W

hen conversing with our family members or students, we sometimes inadvertently stop them from sharing or expressing themselves fully by interjecting. It’s said that nature abhors a vacuum, and we see that with people — we’re uncomfortable with silence. Instead of listening patiently and giving others a chance to expand on what they’re saying, we jump in. This is well-intentioned, as we’re usually trying to draw them out if they’re more reserved or offer choices if they haven’t been forthcoming.

Ricki Bernstein, the founder of therapeutic Somatic Intervention, advises clinicians who train with her to think about and practice the technique WAIT, an acronym for “why am I talking,” when working with clients. When the listener remains quiet after someone says something significant, many times the person who has just spoken will fill that space with more information.

This can be helpful to parents and teachers as well. For example, if a child yells, “I’m not going to our cousin’s wedding tomorrow, I don’t care! I’ll stay home myself!” a parent’s initial reaction may be, “Of course you’re going, it’s your cousin, and anyway, you’re too young to stay home alone.” But if the parent had said nothing and waited a beat or two, then the child may have shared that she always feels excluded at family events. Then the parent could have validated the child and possibly helped to problem-solve.

Zipora Schuck MA. MS. is a NYS school psychologist and educational consultant for many schools in the NY/NJ area.  Devora Schuck LCSW is a psychotherapist who treats anxiety and trauma in children, teens, and young adults.

Why Not or Why Yes?

Tsippy Kraus

IN birth and medical settings, people are often encouraged to agree to an intervention or test simply because “Why not?” The assumption is that if something is offered or routine, there’s little reason to decline.

But this way of thinking deserves more scrutiny. Instead of casually agreeing, we should pause and genuinely consider the why not, rather than following along because the option exists. A more thoughtful approach is to reframe the question entirely: not “Why not?” but “Why yes?” There should be a clear and valid reason to move forward. Medical decisions are rarely isolated. One choice often leads to another, creating a cascade of interventions that can quickly become difficult to step away from.

What begins as a simple, well-intentioned “Why not?” can set a course that wasn’t fully considered. Slowing down, understanding the implications, and recognizing that declining an intervention can be a proactive, informed choice is essential to truly autonomous decision-making.

Tsippy Kraus is a childbirth educator and birth trauma-release practitioner. She also founded Birth Journeys Online, a prerecorded online childbirth education course for Jewish couples.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 985)