This is the benefit of the résumé system, and the gift it gives us: It’s a framework built on Yidden talking good about one another

WE are a wise and discerning people, in the words of the pasuk.

We are creative, resourceful, and inventive, the people who invented slow-release fasting pills and created a Minchah area on the Thruway and had seminary girls flying out of Sharm el-Sheikh three days after Ben-Gurion Airport shut down.

It’s beyond me, therefore, how we still rely on the least creative, least effective mode of intelligence-gathering before making the most important life decision of all.

I refer, of course, to the résumé.

Even the word is misleading. A résumé usually refers to a document that presents a person’s background, skills, and accomplishments, usually for the goal of getting a job.

Our heimishe résumés have no shayachus to the job market, and the background check is much more focused on the parents and grandparents; the primary skill refers to aptitude in getting into the right camps or seminaries.

The subject of our résumé lines up her friends, who already think she is wonderful, to answer questions from people who want to know if she is wonderful. (Spoiler alert: Yes!!! The most!!!) Unspoken, but assumed, is that as soon as they hang up and finish giving the information about their friend’s incredible daughter, the information-giver will call the friend to update her. (Omigosh, what did they ask, tell me every question, did it sound like they were interested or just going through the motions, what do you mean you couldn’t tell.)

Very intelligent if you’re the one being asked about, not super helpful if you’re the asker.

But it is what it is. Seasoned, savvy résumé readers look beyond the neatly typed list, in a typeface that is not too original or bold (imagine reading a résumé written in a font like this, or even like this — forget it, right? Too weird!) and find other clues.

Why do they daven in two different shuls, are they confrontational? Why did she switch camps every summer, is she commitment-shy? Why does he have so many rebbeim, does he have issues?

What’s the pshat we haven’t come up with a better way? (I.e., scan a bar code that instantly gives you numbers to everyone in their shul, bungalow colony and neighborhood, and call any three random people, no pre-vetted, rehearsed answers.)

Perhaps we can suggest a mehalech.

Rav Meilech Biderman has a talmid who is physically incapacitated, Rachmana litzlan. Since he is homebound, people come up to learn and daven with him. His wife related that one Erev Rosh Hashanah, Rav Meir Bransdorfer called to wish her a gut yohr, and he asked if she found that the community was helpful and compassionate of her plight.

“Yes,” she said emphatically, “very much so — people come and go all day long, eager to help my husband.”

“Please,” Rav Bransdorfer pleaded, “do me a favor. In a few hours, you’re going to tzind licht, light candles for Rosh Hashanah, and you will stand there speaking to the Bashefer… please tell Him! Tell Him! Tell Him what kind of children He has, tell Him how they care for others, how good they are. He wants to hear it, and since you’re able to see it, you can be among those who tell Him how special His children are!”

Talk Good about Yidden.

And this is the benefit of the résumé system, and the gift it gives us: It’s a framework built on Yidden talking good about one another, which itself brings brachah, creating pleasure in Shamayim and goodwill here on earth.

If you are the type, try to get yourself on résumés for your friends, or children of your friends. The sippuk of giving good information and then seeing a shidduch close a few weeks later is incredible, as satisfying as finding a spot in the little parking lot in front of Scheiner’s and not having to cross the street.

But one caveat. If your name is on a résumé, know what you signed up for.

1. Answer the phone and return messages. Wearing down the caller until they give up is a great technique when someone calls from a blocked number with a dubious accent insisting that they want to troubleshoot your American Express account. But not here.
2. If you’re a person who has trouble sounding enthusiastic about things, this might not be your mitzvah. Practice saying hello out loud before you pick up the phone and get ready to be head-counselor-on-the-bench-during-color-war-bentshing effusive about his hasmadah and middos, her tzniyus and refinement. It’s the breathless language of résumés, and if your name is there, be prepared to speak it.
3. Whatever middos you display will subconsciously be projected on to the person being discussed: If you are warm, courteous, and pleasant, they will associate the subject of the conversation with those middos.

If you’re the type, then sign up! Especially at this time of year, tell your friends and neighbors who have children in the parshah that you want to say nice things about them — then discover the joy of doing it. Spend a few minutes speaking to the young person in question and inevitably, you will be impressed by some element of their personality: once you believe it, it’s much easier to convey.

It’s a commitment. It can be time-consuming, and you have to be agile, because you never know when the trick question will come. (Like, Does the fact that he has friends who aren’t as yeshivish as he is mean that he’s easygoing, or that he isn’t as yeshivish as he looks? Or, You said she doesn’t need brand names to make her happy — does that mean she’s too rebbetzin-y? Stuff like that.)

(And a moment to acknowledge, with complete seriousness, the exceptional maggidei shiur and seminary teachers who give up their precious bein hasedorim, bein hazmanim, and limited free time to return messages, alleviate fears, and answer just one last question, day after day. The zechus of so many new homes, baruch Hashem, is theirs too.)

Erev Rosh Hashanah, Rav Bransdorfer said, is a good time to talk good about Yidden — so isn’t this the perfect time of year to jump in and play a part in a system that runs on seeing good in others and being able to express those qualities in a way that resonates?

Daled-minim holders are innovative, but this, my friends, is genius.

A gut gebensht yohr…

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1079)