It’s not an isolated incident. Frum Yidden, people who live by Torah values, using language that would once have been unthinkable

I

was walking out of shul last week when I overheard two men chatting casually near the door. One of them — someone I’ve always known as a thoughtful, sincere ben Torah — was describing a frustrating situation at work. In the middle of the conversation, without realizing it, he let a profanity slip. It wasn’t loud or emotional — it came out naturally, completely inadvertently.

And that’s exactly what’s so troubling.

It’s not an isolated incident. Frum Yidden, people who live by Torah values, using language that would once have been unthinkable. Jokes that once felt out of bounds are sometimes being met with laughter. The tone of conversation has changed. What’s behind it?

While there are several reasons for this, we will focus on just a few of them.

There’s no denying that President Trump has been a strong ally in many important areas. His support for Eretz Yisrael, for religious freedom, and for values dear to our community has been significant, and many admire him for good reason.

At the same time, he is not particularly careful with his words. One often hears profanity, references to inappropriate topics, and sweeping exaggerations — “We’ve done the greatest job EVER on….” As much as one might admire him for many reasons — perhaps precisely because of that admiration — this tone can seep in, subtly fostering a lighter regard for the true weight of speech and the overall attitude toward discussing inappropriate topics.

Here’s another significant factor: When we were younger, getting the news meant reading a paper, listening to the radio, or maybe — if you came from a certain type of home — watching the evening news. Even those mediums (some more than others) had filters — editors, regulations, boundaries, rules. Certain words were barred, certain topics had to be left unspoken.

Today, a growing number of people — even in the frum world — are starting to turn to podcasts for news and commentary. And on podcasts, it’s the world of “free speech” — there are no filters, no standards, and no boundaries. It’s quite a scary phenomenon, because topics that have no place in a Jewish home are being streamed directly into Jewish ears — and Jewish hearts. And it is being encouraged and promoted, again, in the name of “free speech.”

What worries me most is what comes next.

If this is where we are now, what will it look like in ten or 15 years? What kind of content will our children turn to for news? Will they turn only to filtered, Torah-aligned outlets? Or will they chas v’shalom listen to the “new media,” with voices filled with vulgarity, leitzanus, and open discussion of topics no Yid should hear about? Is this becoming the new norm?

And without question, a third significant cause behind this shift in how people speak is social media. We often focus — rightfully — on the many dangers of social media: its distractions, its values, its content. But we sometimes overlook one of its more subtle effects: the way it normalizes coarse, unfiltered speech.

On social media, foul language isn’t the exception — it’s the tone. Say whatever you want, however you want, to whomever you want. There’s no accountability, no standard, no filter. And that’s a very dangerous environment.

So as we progress through Elul toward Rosh Hashanah, many of us are looking for ways to improve our behavior and elevate ourselves, to properly crown our King. With that in mind, I’d like to share four short reflections — reminders to help us stay mindful of the kedushah of dibbur.

1. The Immorality of Speech

The Mesillas Yesharim (chapter 11) speaks with urgency about the power of speech — and its dangers: “Dibbur b’divrei zenus, or even listening to such speech, is extremely severe... Chazal [Terumos Yerushalmi 1:4] cried out against it, citing the pasuk, ‘Lo yeira’eh becha ervas davar’ — interpreting the words ervas davar as ervas dibbur, immoral speech. This is what we call nivul peh.”

Crude speech isn’t just unrefined — it’s a Torah violation. The Yerushalmi teaches that nivul peh is an actual issur d’Oraisa. This includes vulgar language, inappropriate jokes, and even casual talk about topics that should remain private. It’s not that this kind of speech leads to aveirah — it is aveirah. There’s ervas haguf, exposing the body, and ervas hapeh, exposing the mouth.

Even without explicit words, joking lightly about immodest topics crosses a line. It may feel harmless, but it erodes the dignity of our speech.

And it’s no coincidence that the Hebrew word for “thing” (davar) and the word for “speech” (dibbur) share the same root. In Torah, speech isn’t just expression — it’s creation.

“Baruch she’amar v’hayah ha’olam” — Hashem spoke, and the world came into being.

“Vayomer Elokim” — And G-d said... and it was so.

Speech is the force behind creation. So when people say, “Relax, it’s just words,” we know better. Words aren’t “just words.” They build — or they break. And as Jews, we’re meant to build.

2. Guarding Our Greatest Tool

The Chida and Chofetz Chaim point out that our mouths are the tools through which we daven, learn, uplift, and do chesed. The peh is not just a means of expression — it is our primary instrument in avodas Hashem.

That’s why our speech must remain pure. A Jew’s mouth should be a source of light and holiness, not coarse humor, vulgarity, or casual references to inappropriate topics. These aren’t just “unrefined.” They’re deeply inappropriate for a people whose very essence is expressed through words. Our peh is like the mohel’s knife or the sofer’s quill — it is sacred, and it must be protected.

I sometimes think of my Italian neighbor I see every week polishing his car. He treasures it. It shines. That’s how we should treat our speech — with care, pride, and respect. Our words shape our world. When we use them for Torah, tefillah, and kindness, they bring brachah into our lives. But when we let the language of the street creep in, we dull the very tool that defines us. Our words are the tools through which we serve Hashem.

3. Your Words Shape Your Inner World

What we say eventually shapes what we believe. Speech forms our emotions, our mindset, even our identity. The Ramban (Iggeres HaRamban) famously writes: “Speak gently, and you will be saved from anger.” In other words, speaking gently and calmly will actually influence one’s emotional state, helping a person avoid feelings of anger.

Speech doesn’t just reveal what’s inside — it shapes what’s inside. And the reverse is just as true. Speaking sharply, sarcastically, or with anger can stir those very feelings — even if they weren’t there before. You don’t just express what you feel; you begin to feel what you express.

That’s why Rav Avigdor Miller ztz”l would urge people to say, “I love You, Hashem.” Not because Hashem needs to hear it — but because you do. Saying it out loud nurtures the feeling within. Speech creates emotion.

4. The Tone That Shapes a Home

Rav Yerucham Levovitz ztz”l teaches that one of the most lasting impressions a person leaves on his family is the way he speaks.

A home filled with kind, respectful, and uplifting words becomes a place of kedushah. Gentle and encouraging speech builds confidence and happiness. But when a home is filled with sarcasm, cynicism, or cutting humor — even when meant in jest — it slowly erodes the spirit of those who live there.

We all know someone with a sharp wit — always ready with a joke. But if you listen closely, every punchline has a target. People laugh, but you can sense the discomfort in those closest to them. Their words may entertain the crowd, but they quietly wear down the very people who matter most — their family, who bear the weight of that humor day
after day.

Words shape the atmosphere of a home. Sharpness and negativity may feel harmless in the moment, but they leave a trace. On the other hand, when we remove not only vulgarity but also sarcasm and harshness from our speech, we create space for words that heal, support, and uplift.

So as Yom Hadin approaches, and we hear shiurim and shmuessen about teshuvah — let’s also listen inward. Speech isn’t just noise. It’s sacred. The world may speak louder, looser, with far less care. But we are heilige Yidden, and our words carry weight. They carry kedushah. Let’s treat them that way.

Rabbi Aryeh Kerzner is the rav of Agudas Yisrael of Montreal and a noted posek and popular speaker. Many of his shiurim and speeches are available online. He is the author of the sefer Halachah at Home, published by ArtScroll/Mesorah

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1078)