I was lucky though because Hashem had trained me to look for His messages. Like the Esther of old who is both my namesake and my role model I had long known that Hashem’s Hand is evident in the machinations of our lives. At times that hand is hidden true. But when you look back when the megillah of our lives is read sequentially all the pieces tumble into place leaving you breathless at the grandeur and magnificence of the architecture.

Years before 9/11 my husband and I had a picture-book life: three kids nice house dog parents nearby. We were happy. My husband worked as an attorney and I was a physician’s assistant. Life was busy sure but wonderfully so.

I was 29 when I became pregnant with our fourth child. I knew the time had come to leave work behind and become a stay-at-home mom. We would just have to manage without the income I decided. It was too wrenching leaving a six-week old baby with a sitter for long hours and the demands of running a home and work were too much. The pregnancy proceeded smoothly and I looked forward to clearing my desk unpinning my children’s pictures from my cubby and walking out without looking back.

I was in my seventh month when I noticed a change in the birthmark I had on my shoulder. It was there all my life small and insignificant. Now it had grown. It was darker. The borders had changed too and become irregular. In the shower I gave it an extra scrub. It didn’t go away.