The bar mitzvah was a splash — bigger than any other. A ten-piece band perfect lighting three types of meat a hotel stay for all the family.

So … why is the bar mitzvah boy crying in the corner?

The sheitel's perfect the right color and length. Perfect fit perfect store.

So … why is the bride crying in the styling chair?

The chazzan’s whole neighborhood knows that his voice has the most beautiful vibrato. He sings in the morning in the afternoons and at night — for any and every person who might pass by.

So … why is his wife crying in the kitchen?

In one of Mishpacha’s monthly “Cache of the Day” columns the author points out an amazing difference between the meanings of the English “pay attention” and its Hebrew translation “sim lev.”

In English we “pay” attention. When someone pays for something many times they expect something in return. “Pay” can also mean they are giving something up or giving something away at the expense of their hard-earned treasures.

Sim Lev means “put your heart here.”

If a person asks you to “sim lev” what they are really saying is “put your heart with me.”

So … what happened to the bar mitzvah boy? Why is he crying in the corner?

His parents were putting their hearts with the guests and what they liked not with what the boy needed. He needed simple. All his friends in cheder were simple. They had cakes and nuts and a few knishes. His friends were looking at him like he fell from the moon.

Who were his parents really trying to impress? Who’s clapping?

So what happened to the bride? Why is she crying in the styling chair?

Her mother has her own idea of what the perfect sheitel looks like. What color what length what style. Her mother is totally concentrating on what others will think paying attention to the outside instead of putting her heart inside her daughter’s.

Who is the bride’s mother really trying to impress? Who’s clapping?

And what happened to the wife? Why is she crying in the kitchen?

Her husband’s father told him how beautiful his voice is. Told him to sing day and night because his father enjoyed it. His wife on the other hand finds it hard to manage the house with the sounds of chazzanus surrounding her all day long but when she hints at this — even when she tells him outright — he can’t hear her. That’s because he’s paying attention to the voices of his past instead of putting his heart with his wife. A trap easy to fall into.

Who is the chazzan really trying to impress? Who’s clapping?

Yesterday I rode on the new light rail that runs through Jerusalem. The street and the train were empty. Except for one teenaged boy in a tucked-in clean white shirt and bright new tzitzis.

He was kind of pacing the platform when suddenly he bent down to pick something up. I saw it was a crust of bread. He kissed it and placed it on a high stone wall.

No one was around. Not another soul but me.

He knows Who he’s trying to impress.

We all know Who’s clapping.