When Work Goes Toxic
| September 10, 2024How you can escape an office that feels like a trap
Anyone working in an office setting has experienced irritation and frustration. But when do those cross the line from minor conflicts to toxicity? How do you know when you’re the problem or when a boss or coworker is? We heard from three women in different kinds of difficult workplaces about the red flags, the escalations, and the messages they’d give their younger selves now
Micromanaged
I
would have laughed if you’d told me in high school that I would willingly take on an office job. I wanted to be an exercise instructor. When a friendly neighbor helped me land an entry-level position in a medical billing office, I was nervous about whether I’d be able to handle the change in pace. But I was also excited about working normal hours with other frum women and receiving a regular paycheck. I knew that the job market was rough out there, and this was clearly a gift from Hashem.
On my first day, I got there 15 minutes early, full of enthusiasm. My manager, Leah, showed me around. The office looked so nice: an open space with pictures on the walls, and a pretty kitchen area. Leah quickly walked me around the different rooms, pointing out the main features and teams without stopping to introduce me to anyone. Soon, I was sitting down at my new computer and looking at the unfamiliar icons on the screen. Leah handed me a training booklet and told me that if I had any questions, I could email her. Then, as she turned to leave, she added, “Oh, one more thing you should be aware of. Your computer has a program installed that will send me a screenshot every ten minutes and notify me if there’s been no activity for a while.”
That sounded pretty invasive. But maybe it was normal? She’d said it so casually. How would I know what was normal there? So I sat down to get started. Big Brother would be watching me.
There was a long list of emails and a template to personalize and send to each one. Easy enough. So easy, in fact, that I got restless after approximately six minutes. But no break — Leah would know that I was giving up already, and how embarrassing would that be? So I kept going and waited impatiently for lunchtime.
An eternity later, it was 2 p.m. and my stomach was growling, but everyone else was still working. The office was nearly silent. There was an occasional brief mutter, but otherwise, everyone was hyper-focused on their screens. Some people paused to pull out a sandwich, while others went to the kitchen for a minute to grab a container from the fridge. I wanted to ask Leah about official lunch breaks, but she was busy and I didn’t want to come off as unprofessional. Instead, I nibbled on some crackers while I kept going.
Five p.m. felt like a release from jail. I looked for Leah as I stood up to leave, but her desk was already empty. I had expected her to check in at the end of the day. Maybe that would be tomorrow. It was time to run home and make supper before my husband got home from kollel.
“How did it go?” he wanted to know as we sat down to meatballs and rice (no gourmet five-course meals from this working lady).
I chewed slowly as I considered what to tell him. Why be negative about what was only my first day? “Fine! Different from what I’m used to, but I’m sure it’ll feel natural soon. Can you pass the water, please?”
But as I worked my way through the tasks in the training book, I saw that they were all monotonous and repetitive. The only person I interacted with regularly was Leah, who answered my questions briefly and never invited conversation. She didn’t give any feedback, so I assumed I was doing fine.
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