An invitation. A Diet Coke. An offer to babysit. The acts were small. Their impact enormous
The Invitation
We were making our first bar mitzvah. Our pre-1A yingele, Naphtoli, was privileged to be in Rabbi X’s class in Yeshiva Ktana of Passaic. Naphtoli proved to be a most delighted courier and happily handed his rebbi an invitation. But while the bar mitzvah was all anyone talked about at home, we were well aware that Rabbi X, having generations of talmidim, a family of his own, and running the local Pirchei, was most certainly not lacking in bar mitzvah invitations. In all honesty the invitation was a respectful formality, and I made sure to warn Naphtoli that his rebbi was unlikely to attend.
The night was, baruch Hashem, beautiful, busy, and fast, and I thought nothing more of it until Rabbi X came to the edge of the men’s section to wish me a personal mazel tov. Naphtoli positively lit up when he saw Rebbi. In total awe, he ran to put back on the suit jacket and tie he’d shed during the dancing.
Naphtoli is five years old. He doesn’t know the effort it takes to rearrange a schedule, carve out time, drive, park, and show up suitably attired at your five-year-old student’s older brother’s bar mitzvah. By the time he is old enough to appreciate this story, he may have forgotten about it. But I won’t. I don’t know exactly how I would have defined chesed before, but I have a deeper understanding after witnessing this.
Naomi Levenspil
Passaic, NJ
The Babysitter
As most mothers of special needs children can attest, it’s a full-time job. It gets a little hairy sometimes, as my husband and I also have full-time jobs outside the home, as well as other children, in addition to our son with special needs, Eliezer.
One memorable Monday, my oldest son was due to become a chassan. We were over the moon! We also had a not small amount of whiplash from how fast we went from the first beshow to the l’chayim. Then we had to figure out how to navigate the upcoming l’chayim. At this point I can chuckle about it because neither my daughter-in-law nor her outstanding parents would have the slightest problem with my special son’s attendance, but at the time I wanted to put my best foot forward. I also didn’t want to be distracted at the event by my special son’s shenanigans.
Then Esty, our newly married former aide, called. She said, “I think you may need Eliezer out of the house this evening, so I’m going to pick him up from the after-school program, and you can come and get him from my house whenever you want.”
What? How did she know that my son was about to get engaged? She explained that the kallah was a cousin, so she’d heard about our upcoming simchah through the family grapevine. How wonderful that she stepped out of her shanah rishonah bubble to be there for us!
It’s been two years and change since that day. The simplicity and directness of that exchange are as wonderful now as then. Her chesed is as many chasadim. They start with a trip out of your own bubble to observe and be there to lighten the load for another person.
