What happened to my friend? Why is she acting like this? And why is her behavior impacting me so much?

Something is wrong and I know it. What seemed to be a normal friendship has suddenly changed. There’s confusion, fear, the feeling that “something is off.”
What happened to my friend? Why is she acting like this? And why is her behavior impacting me so much? I feel like I need to do something — but what? And…I’m afraid it’s my fault

Challenging Years

Unfortunately, nowadays mental health challenges are rampant. The teenage years can be especially volatile due to normal hormonal changes, and although transitions and adjustments are common, they can make life that much more stressful. Knowing that some forms of anxiety and low moods are normal is helpful for teens as they navigate high school and the constant changes in their lives.

Much has been written about the challenges and difficulties of suffering from anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems. But what about the friends of those dealing with these challenges? One day their friend is happy and settled, when suddenly things completely change, leaving her friends puzzled and afraid. What happened?

It’s hard to know what’s going on, and you don’t want to pry when it might be something that’ll blow over by next week. But you know your friend and you know something’s off. What should you do?

Signs to Look Out for

Is your friend always looking miserable?

Does your friend often tell you she’s worthless or failing?

Is your friend suddenly uninterested in previously favorite pastimes?

These could all be indicators of anxiety or depression. However, before you start labeling all your friends, remember that everyone has hard days, and people mature and change as a result of external factors that have nothing to do with mental imbalance. Still, if you notice these low moods constantly, perhaps it’s time to seek some help.

Can I Help?

As a teen, you have a lot to offer a friend going through a hard time. You understand her, accept her, and already have a strong bond with her. That is huge. She may be going through a particularly rough time and just needs patience and time to get through it, with a caring friend at her side. Remember, not all depressive feelings indicate clinical depression (which may indicate that medication or other forms of treatment are needed). Your role is to be supportive, caring, and accepting.

Shira is a teen who went through a depressive episode while in seminary. “It was awful and I can’t deny that,” she says. “But the worst part of it was that I didn’t know what was wrong with me, and none of my friends knew what to do.”

Many teens in this kind of situation are afraid. They might not know that the feelings they’re experiencing are anxiety, depression, or a mental illness. They could be regular, healthy girls — just like you — and suddenly they seem to change. It’s hard on them and hard on their friends who are left confused and in the dark.

“In hindsight, I should have asked for help,” Shira admits. “It was rough for some of my closest friends who didn’t have a clue how to deal with this sort of thing — especially so far from home and without family support nearby.”

So how could her friends have helped?

“I remember that some of my friends were really caring. Not pushing me to share, and just being there for me. One friend gave me a card that said, ‘Thinking of You!’ on it. I was so touched. I didn’t need my friends to be my therapists — I already had one by then. I needed them to make allowances for me when I was down, to be nonjudgmental, and to listen when I needed to vent a little,” Shira explains. “It must have been really hard for them though,” she muses.

And it is. It’s hard for anyone to watch a friend in such a state.