Will she, at some point in her life, be receptive to the values you’ve lived by?

Project coordinated by Riki Goldstein

There is so much we pass down from mother to daughter, both consciously and subconsciously. But what of the words we want to say but can’t find the right moment to offer them?

Here, women share what they would like their adult daughters to know. Will your daughter want to make the same rotations of suppers or use the same shades of lipstick that you love? Probably not. But will she, at some point in her life, be receptive to the values you’ve lived by?

We think yes.

…on Friendship

Give more than
you take, but don’t
be a doormat.

—Cheved

Your family should be front and center in your life, but I’ve learned that friends are important, too. Choose friends who support you, respect you, and help you grow into the woman you want to be.

—Batsheva

Be the reason someone smiles. You can’t be best friends with everyone, but you can smile and say hello to everyone.

—Libby

Try not to
discard old friends
when life gets busier. Be loyal and make the effort to keep up, even minimally. My old friends are some of the treasures in my life.

—Bracha

…on Parenting

Please forgive the mistakes I made in raising you — and I hope your children will be forgiving of the mistakes you make in raising them. Good enough is good enough.

—Leora

Trust your gut — and don’t be afraid of your children! When Hashem made you their parent, He gave you the wisdom and tools to lead them.

—Dina

Love and spoil your kids. Life is hard enough, and the world will teach them that. Let them feel safe, secure, and loved at home.

—Michali

Be the mother who’s early for carpool pickup. It sends a message to your kids that your day revolves around them and you can’t wait for them to come home.

—Chanie

…on Living a Healthy Life

Take the time you need for yourself — just don’t lose sight of anyone else.

—Ruthie

Self-care is important.
Just remember: Showering and eating a meal also count!

—Chaya

Start moisturizing your face the minute you turn 30 and do it every day. You might think that you don’t need to, but when you get to 45, you’ll be glad you did. Trust me.

—Sandy

…on Finding Peace

How many times did I cry over challenges that seemed huge to an overtired, vulnerable, and emotional mind, only to watch them dissolve in the cool light of logic? Don’t try to make weighty decisions or judge yourself on hard or crazy days. Make allowances for yourself when you’re expecting, after birth, and when you’re disappointed, grieving, or have been up all night.

—Huvi

You can choose to be as happy as possible. Count your blessings, big and small. Enjoy life’s small pleasures and the beauty around us. Don’t focus too much on dark thoughts. You can’t solve all our problems, erase anti-Semitism or terrorism, or bang sense into politician’s heads. I’ve found that a diet of bad news can be debilitating and have tried to limit my news intake and focus on happiness most of the time.

—Chaya

I see you look at the people around you and wonder how they can afford their lifestyles. Remember, different people spend on different things. You don’t see that they don’t have high-quality kitchenware or tutors for their boys, because they prefer to spend on the latest trends in kids’ clothing. You don’t know what others’ lives are like, how their kids’ challenges and family dynamics create certain needs. And many people cannot afford their lifestyles and are struggling with debt. Don’t feel pressured to up your level of gashmiyus.

—Julie

…on Our Relationship

You WILL end up acting like me, whether you want to or not.

—M.G.

Spend more time with your parents. They won’t live forever.

—Rifka

You wear nail polish, which I don’t. You wear more makeup than I do. Go ahead, but keep it refined, soft, and classy. Bright screaming nails and makeup that shouts look at me! are cheap.

—Ayala

Everything I’ve done for you came from a place of love. Despite the limitations that came with my life circumstances, incomplete knowledge, and physical and emotional capacity, the source of it all was pure love and concern.

—Shoshana

We spent so much time trying not to make the same mistakes our parents made that we missed copying all the great things they did. Don’t make that same mistake!

—Rifka

Your generation sometimes seems to be running frenetically, but I know you’re working hard out of necessity and doing your best to juggle it all in today’s reality. I was a stay-at-home mom and you’re a working woman; I made homemade kishke and you sometimes buy your potato kugel. I appreciate and admire what you’re doing. Although we are very different, I believe in you.

—Chavi C.

...on All the Rest

Get a babysitter and go out with your husband! Make sure you have good times together. Your kids are a priority, but your husband and marriage are even more important.

—Miriam

Make sure your silver is polished! That will always make you feel accomplished.

—Gitty

Family is a precious gift; no petty fight or difference is worth jeopardizing family ties. The benefits of having a peaceful family are immeasurable.

—Shaindy

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 973)