“We came to your brother to Eisav” (Bereishis 32:7)

When Yaakov’s messengers returned to him they said: “We came to your brother to Eisav. You said ‘He is my brother ’ but his attitude is still that of the wicked Eisav — entrenched in his hatred.” Afterward the Torah says “Yaakov lifted his eyes and behold Eisav was coming and with him were 400 men.”

What did Yaakov do when he saw that danger was approaching? “He bowed to the ground seven times until he approached his brother.” Yaakov bowed and subjugated his thoughts to find merits for Eisav “until his brother”— i.e. until he became literally like his brother. Yaakov’s thoughts in his brother’s favor awakened the spirit of brotherhood within Eisav and the results were not long in coming: “Eisav ran towards him and embraced him.”

Rashi quotes the midrash: “Eisav’s compassion was aroused at that moment and he kissed him wholeheartedly.” (From the book HaIsh al HaChomah a biography of Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld by his great-grandson Rav Shlomo Zalman Sonnenfeld)

It happens all the time. We meet people — friends family or neighbors — and there’s a great chasm between us. We try to close the distance but find ourselves facing a huge wall standing between us. Anger resentment misunderstandings insults — a silent barricade which cannot be breached — repelling separating severing.

How can we find the key to unlock this heavy bolt?  

A story is told of the town of Sadik in Poland. There was a nefarious informer who struck fear in the hearts of all the Jews of the town. He had the gall to demand that he be given a seat on the eastern wall of the shul and that the sixth aliyah be awarded to him. One day the rav of the town passed away and one of the most preeminent Torah scholars was appointed in his stead. When the new rav heard of the informer’s evil deeds and his brazen demands in shul he decided to end this mockery of the shul.

One Shabbos when the gabbai called the informer up to the Torah the rav banged on the shtender in front of him and shouted “What do you have to do with the holy Torah? You vile creature who informs on Jews! Get out of here!”

The enraged informer headed for the door but before he left he pointed an accusatory finger at the congregation as if to say “I’ll teach you a lesson!”

Several months later the rav was invited to serve as a mohel in a neighboring village. As the rav made his way to the village along with two of his students the students noticed the informer galloping towards them on horseback. They were gripped by terror but the rav remained calm and tranquil. The horse came to a stop before them and the informer leapt off quickly approaching the rav. To the students’ astonishment the informer stood before the rav bowed his head submissively and pleaded with him. “Our master and teacher please forgive me. Pardon me for everything that I have done and for the sins I have committed toward you.” When he finished speaking he climbed back onto his horse and vanished into the distance.

The rav explained to his astonished students what had occurred: “As soon as I saw the informer galloping towards us I looked for a tactic to save us. I recalled the pasuk in Mishlei ‘Like the face reflected in water so is the heart of a man’ [27:19]. I immediately began to think positive thoughts about that man: how unfortunate he is how much compassion he deserves — for if he had received a proper upbringing he might not have sunk to such depths. I continued trying to find arguments in his favor until every last trace of resentment I felt for him had been uprooted from my heart. Once I had achieved that the man’s thoughts began reflecting mine. Clearly my positive thoughts caused his heart to soften and he arrived at a moment of genuine remorse which is why he asked for my forgiveness.” (ibid)

The key is within your possession.

Gaze at your reflection in the surface of the waters of your life. Smile at the waters and the ripples will return your smile bouncing it back to you.

Human hearts are more transparent than water. They return every smile. Think positively about those around you and share those thoughts. As a result the hearts around you will become open and warm to your advances. One day you will open your window and discover with astonishment that the wall is gone.

Human hearts are more transparent than water. They return every smile