Though “life happens,” stress can be lessened

W hen it comes to stress our bodies and emotions take a hit on a daily basis. However we vary in the ways that hit affects us. In any family there may be someone who gets headaches under stress while another gets stomachaches or backaches. A third may get colds sinus troubles or strep throats. Some people get very anxious panicky and overwhelmed when stressed and for some their irritability goes through the roof.

Each person has one physiological system that’s particularly vulnerable — something inherited at birth — and it’s affected first — but a constant barrage of stress can cause an assault on the entire mind-body system eventually leading to major physical or emotional dysfunction.

My Dad has Parkinson’s disease. When he’s stressed his symptoms worsen dramatically. We can actually see how stress affects him because his shaking becomes much more intense. I don’t have Parkinson’s so no one can see how stress is affecting me — my “shaking” is internal. I know that when too many upsetting things are going on I have trouble sleeping and I start feeling anxious. If I don’t act to reduce my stress I’ll start getting panic attacks. At those times I’ll feel like everything’s falling apart and I can’t cope.

Reducing Vulnerability

An overdose of stress will trigger symptoms — whether that will be a flare-up of an autoimmune disorder an increase of vocal tics or something else. Knowing how to reduce vulnerability and teaching that skill to your children can help you have a more productive happier and healthier life. Utilizing this skill also has a positive impact on family life since each person’s wellbeing affects the entire household.

My wife ends up in bed for days on end totally incapacitated by her episodes of low mood. I’m left to run the show by myself: getting the kids up and out the door making lunches doing car pools cooking dinners supervising homework and putting them to bed — all while going to work. The whole time it’s “Shhh Mommy’s resting. You need to be quiet.” “Shhh. She’s sleeping. Don’t wake her up.” I feel bad for her but honestly I feel bad for myself too. I had no idea my life would be like this.

Although we can’t always prevent our physical or emotional suffering we need to make sure we’re doing everything possible to reduce or eliminate symptoms. Obviously some things are not in our control. Life happens. Many external stressful events (like changes at work illness in family members loss political events and terrorist attacks) are arranged by Hashem. Even though we may be able to modify these events to some extent (i.e. changing jobs or moving) change itself is a stressor.

However there are some stress reducers that are totally in our control. Working with these tools can often (though not always) reduce the occurrence of symptoms.

Ten Strikes and You’re Out

Stress can be thought of as a series of “points.” Imagine ten points as the quantity that triggers the vulnerable system causing panic attacks rage flare-ups in fibromyalgia or arthritis or whatever symptoms occur in that person’s weakest system.

I’ve been on antianxiety medicine for a while but I still get anxiety attacks sometimes. At first I thought the medicine would end them but I’ve seen that it is only one factor among the ten that I need to pay attention to. When I reduce my “points” to five or fewer I don’t get any attacks.

Some common stress points we can’t control are the weather (dark rainy days lower mood and aggravate joints and other body systems) unpleasant events insufficient funds or sick loved ones. Stress “points” we can address are lack of sleep unhealthy food lack of exercise troubled thoughts unfulfilling work and depriving ourselves of downtime (including social activities relaxation and fun).

Monday’s big presentation (1 stress point) can be neutralized by 15 minutes of meditation or yoga. The bad weather can be neutralized by a conversation with a friend. The effort of dealing with a challenging child can be neutralized by a brisk walk or some vigorous kettlebell swings. Lack of breakfast can be neutralized by a midmorning yogurt with fruit.

For every stress-inducing point you can activate a stress-busting counter-point to keep your daily score at five or less. This respect for the limits of your body and mind is how you can take care of yourself — for your own sake as well as for the sake of your loved ones. (Originally featured in Family First Issue 556)