A Purim production in 12 scenes

The day of miraculous, joyous, unexpected salvation is approaching, and there’s no better time for our Purim production. It’s a gripping tale of tension and turnaround, suspense and surprises, complete with musical numbers and iconic characters from the best of Jewish entertainment. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!

Overture

TTTO: A Time for Music’s

“We’re Making History Tonight”

We’re making history this week

With a feature so unique and thrilling

Oh it’s a brand new play

With a plot that is both fun and chilling

So sit back and relax and enjoy the show

This doesn’t happen every year

Laugh out loud

The time for Purim is here

Scene One

Location: a nondescript office in one of those NJ Turnpike cities whose only claim to fame is the yeshivah that shares its name

“Emotions,” Director Scott would bark, “have no place in this business.”

But Officer Bradley felt only a twinge of guilt as he summarily ignored his mentor’s directive. Giddy with excitement, he made no effort at all to dispel the sensation. Since joining the FBI, his jobs had been relegated to investigating phony bomb threats and tracking down low-class drug dealers. This was different. This was big. It would be all over the papers and he, Officer Bradley Q. Doyle, would be the face of the once-in-a-decade exposé.

He shut off the surveillance camera and turned to his trainee, Oliver Murphy Jr.

“Oliver,” he said importantly, “here’s a learning moment. Never over-investigate. Once you got the evidence, start drafting the documents immediately. Excessive diligence is a subcategory of laziness.”

The sheer coherence of that comment surprised even him, and he made a mental note to give himself a pat on the back. But if his thoughts were conveyed effectively, young Oliver didn’t seem to notice.

“Uh, Boss,” he said meekly. “I’m still not sure that I get it. What exactly is the conspiracy? If they’re such high-profile counterfeiters, why are we only seeing five-dollar bills?”

He regretted asking the question immediately.

“What don’t you understand?” Officer Bradley stormed. His expression softened slightly as Oliver began to visibly tremble. “Anger is a sign of weakness,” he could hear Director Scott saying. Officer Bradley took a deep breath. Perhaps, he realized, it would be best to explain this in song.

TTTO: “There’s No Place Like Home” (Journeys 1) 

I have searched so long 

For some fortune and some

fame

To earn a reputation 

Bring honor to my name 

Now this story’s mine

Success is just in sight

I’ll blow its cover off

With all my might 

What I’m looking for

Is right behind that door 

A mountain full of evidence

I don’t need any more 

And once their cover’s blown 

My name will be oh-so well-known 

Book deals, prime time interviews,

They won’t leave me alone. 

Oliver nodded but Officer Bradley wanted to spell it out directly.

“These people aren’t stupid,” he explained in his best mentor’s voice. “They know that we’re typically on the lookout for larger bills; twenties, fifties, hundreds, things like that. And so they’ve placed all their emphasis on five-dollar bills, thinking that they could fly beneath the radar.” He lifted his head and let out what he hoped sounded like a diabolical cackle. “But they won’t! No one can fly beneath the radar of Bradley Q. Doyle! Absolutely no one!”

Oliver forced a guffaw.

“True,” he said, graciously. “But you gotta admit, that was pretty crafty of them, eh?”

Officer Bradley was quiet for a moment, then glanced furtively around. He lowered his voice.

“Don’t tell anyone that I told you this,” he nearly whispered, “but these Jews ain’t stupid. If anyone can beat the system, it’s them.”

Oliver nodded. He would tell no one.