I’ve seen the pattern. When you see a girl slipping, nebach, you’re suddenly nice

To my principal,

When I go out, I see girls my age, from the same chassidish background as me, dressed in garb that — to put it mildly — does not reflect a bas Yisrael. I hear the music blaring from their cars as they drive down the road on Shabbos.

You see them, too. You feel for them. You wish there was something you could do for them. If they were in your school, you would do everything in your power to ensure their happiness. You wouldn’t make them crazy about detentions, lateness, absences, or even (gasp!) the occasional open button. How am I so sure? Because I saw it happening with my friend. You saw she was slipping, so you sent her notes, gifts, and chocolates. She rebuffed it all.

Whenever you see a girl slipping, you transform into this kind, understanding person.

But before she slipped? When it comes to me?

I’m a good girl — at least, I try to be. I make mistakes, but I get back up. I dress with tzniyus. I wear skirts that cover my knees. I wear long sleeves.

So my ponytail is longer than six inches? So I was late to school twice this week, when I’m usually on time? Why do you feel the need to chastise me for it?

Why, when your students act like healthy, normal teens — when we stray for a moment from the picture-perfect image of your school — why do you punish us? Why do you treat us so harshly?

Are you waiting for me to slip before you can treat me like a person? Are you waiting for me to put on pants? Are you waiting for my classmates to watch me go off the derech?

I’ve seen the pattern. When you see a girl slipping, nebach, you’re suddenly nice. You help her get into a good school. You send her to your vaunted therapists and mentors. You give her gifts, and krechtz about how you tried to save her.

But we don’t need your chocolates. We don’t need your gifts. All we want is a bit of compassion from you while we’re still “good girls.”

I understand that you need rules to keep your school running smoothly. But please, please put some compassion into your policies. Please don’t enforce them so harshly and cruelly. We have so many different hardships in our lives, and we are all struggling in different ways. Your kindness shouldn’t be contingent on how close we are reaching our limits.

Your frum student

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 927)