Also Thirty and Tested. When things don’t go as planned, I comfort myself with little indulgences — things I think might make me happier. Things I can afford, ironically, because of life going off script. Sometimes these purchases help. Often they don’t. And still, I remind myself — it’s okay to live a little.

I’ll definitely be Thirty and Tired. Tired of trying, tired of hoping, tired of the lack of progress. It’s hard not to be exhausted when each day feels like a run on a broken hamster wheel. When I keep on wishing and nothing moves. Some days, I don’t even know what to daven for anymore.

But maybe, maybe, by the time that birthday arrives, my exhaustion will have turned into exhilaration. I still hold on to that fragile spark of hope.

I guess that means I’ll be Thirty and Trying. Trying to better myself in every way that matters. In ways that might not be seen but will definitely be felt. Trying to keep my spirits up, no matter what. Trying to become the best version of myself. To make my life count.

That makes me Thirty and Teachable. I have learned that the more I know, the less I know. And the older I get, the more knowledge and connection I want to soak up.

Even more so, I will be Thirty and Transparent. One thing I’ve learned is to just be me, regardless of others’ opinions and comments. I don’t have to hide who I am and what I stand for — my opinions, my intensity, my desire to be seen for who I am. I don’t have to disguise the real me, because there is nothing wrong with me.

I started as Twenty and Tender — with warm dreams of timelines that made sense to me. Now, at Thirty, I have some bruises. I’m not where, or who, I thought I’d be. But I’m still here, with clarity and courage. With a broken soul that’s more whole than it’s ever been. Thirty and Enough.

On a podcast I heard recently, a woman spoke about being Thirty and Thankful. The phrase resonated.

I can be tough, tired, tested, trying, teachable, and transparent. But most of all, I want to be thankful. Thankful for the highs and lows, for what I’ve achieved, who I’ve become, and for what’s to come.

Thankful to be Thirty and Here.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 970)