3. A random acquaintance wishes you mazel tov on a new baby and says, “Such a beautiful name! Who did you name her after?” Well… let’s see. Should I tell her about Aunt Susan, wicked sudoku player? Sarah Imeinu seems the much safer option.

4. Jewish Geography: “Davidowitz? Are you related to Davidowitz from Chicago?” Yes, in fact, I do have a cousin in Chicago, Andy Davidowitz. He heads the regional Green-Rainbow party. I’m sure you’ve heard of him. He was in the news recently when he was arrested for chaining himself to a tree to protest its imminent chopping. I’m not making this up, folks.

5. Have you ever had to explain the virtues and values in getting married at the age of 20 to a secular person? Let me tell you, that experience is not for the faint of heart. To sum it up, my cousin Zachary still thinks I’m giving up the best years of my life to be a “housewife.”

6. Your parents had the inner strength to go against their entire society to find meaning in their lives. Your parents are free thinkers who believe in being true to your values above all. “But Ma, everyone has one!” never worked on them. The terms “trendy” and “with-it” were as foreign in our house as “antidisestablishmentarianism” is in others.

7. How does one politely say, “Oh, but that’s assur,” in conversation? Asking for a friend. Okay, that friend was 12-year-old me, wondering what to respond when my cousins showed me pictures of them at their Pesach Seder. As in, pictures taken during their Seder on Yom Tov.

8. The dreaded Family Tree Project: Raizy Kohn proudly brings in her finished magnum opus to school, her storied lineage overflowing from the two oak tags stapled together to form her family tree. Yes, indeed, she is related to both Rashi and Dovid Hamelech, didn’t you know? Your 8×11 color-stock tree with extra-large leaves seems measly in comparison, and you wonder if adding a blurb about your Cousin Andy’s progressive work in Chicago could count as yichus.

9. Embarraproud adjective: A mix of pride and embarrassment at your COBT lineage. On the one hand, it’s cool that your parents were superheroes who were able to leave their past behind. It’s also super cool that you have cousins named Jessica and Tyler. On the other hand, you just want to fit in and be like everyone else. Most COBT report that they outgrew their embarraproud stage sometime in their early twenties. Chanie was feeling embarraproud as she told her friends about the turkey fiasco at her family’s Thanksgiving dinner.

10. You’ve felt the pain of wishing your family would realize the gift they had by being born a Yid. It’s difficult to watch your cousins drift farther away from Judaism, helpless to do anything more than send “Shabbat Shalom!” texts. We hope for the day when we will be able to reach out to our cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents and connect with them through our shared heritage.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 935)