Food is about so much more than fuel

Every year at this time we turn our homes upside down. The most dramatic transformation happens in the kitchen — the heart (or perhaps, the belly) of the home. Everything changes: dishes, cutlery, pots and pans and most of all, the food!

The impact of all this upheaval is intense. Everything normal is gone: our favorite, most comforting, almost primal sources of nurturing are unavailable. Where’s the bread, the cereal, the pasta we love? Where’s the favorite mug, the condiments, the special brew?

The predictable favorites of our eating routines help ground us in the material world. Before we go out to learn, interact, accomplish and grow, we have to eat. To restore our depleted energies later in the day, we have to eat again and again. Eating isn’t an inconsequential activity for us humans; it’s a foundation that gives us strength to live our lives. How we eat matters to us. The dependability of our eating routines helps us to feel secure, ready to tackle the challenges of life.

Pesach upends our eating rituals and tosses us into the air. We’re no longer grounded in familiar routine, but instead are faced with the unsettling effects of change.

While uncomfortable, the loosening of our anchors actually allows us to soar. No longer so strongly tethered to our material existence, we are ready for and open to an aliyah — a rising into the spiritual realms. Pesach tosses us out of this world so we can get closer to Hashem.

Homemaking

The fact that all this action happens in the kitchen is noteworthy. It tells us that the kitchen is not just a feeding station, but rather a place that has emotional and spiritual consequences.

“We didn’t have meals, really. My mother was often lying in bed, too depressed to look after us kids. My father would make sure there was store-bought food in the house, but we didn’t sit down for a meal or anything like that.

“I’d see how it was at my friends’ homes, and I’d be incredibly jealous. They had homemade food and regular family meals. They didn’t even know how lucky they were. They just took all that for granted.”

Indeed, when parents serve up regular meals, they themselves may not realize the importance of their action. It’s just “normal” for them to feed their families. Yet, this predictable daily routine stabilizes their family members physically and emotionally, giving them the internal balance required for healthy functioning. Unnoticeable when in place, the absence of a steady meal routine can wreak havoc on the developing nervous systems of children.

“My mother was all over the place — literally. She was a busy doctor, hardly ever home. There were always emergencies and meetings, errands and visits she needed to make. She was a superwoman, there for her patients, her friends, her parents, and her community.     “ Everything she did was important, so we didn’t feel that her absence was from a lack of loving or caring. But her absence left its mark anyway. Our schedule was as hectic as hers, with no consistency whatsoever. Supper was sometimes at 5:00, sometimes at 6, sometimes at 8:30, and sometimes non-existent.

“We all reacted in different ways. My sister became a very rigid homemaker who never waivers from her schedules. At her house you can tell what time it is just by watching the family study, eat, get ready for bed, and so on. I, on the other hand, live like my mom, without any regularity, but for no reason other than I don’t know any other way. It’s the rhythm — or lack of it — that I grew up with.”

Food PLANS

What we eat, when we eat, and how we eat can be an imitation of, or reaction to, what mealtime looked like in our childhood homes. Conscious parenting requires thinking about how you want it to look for your children.

How did dinner feel in your childhood home? Do you want the same or something different for your own kids? Consider the value of predictable, unrushed meals, and how they might soothe and comfort your youngsters through their developmental years.

“Even if the world outside is unpredictable, chaotic, tension-filled and stressful, my children can count on the steady rhythms of our household. I think this holds them together through everything.”

There is power in a kitchen, perhaps more than we realize.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 736)