| Teen Diary Serial |

The Girl That Was: Chapter 14

When would it finally be my turn? When would I be able to finally have a home of my own?



hoa. I couldn’t believe it. Never in a million years did I think that I would be the girl to date first out of all her friends.

But here I was with my friends, barely back from seminary, having a party deciding which outfit I should wear and which shoes go with it. We had to decide how to wear my hair and how much makeup was enough makeup but not too much.

My friend Malki left me a big mug full of chocolates as she left my house. I was giddy with excitement.

For about five seconds. Back then I didn’t know the shidduch lingo. Now I know that it was a DOA (dead on arrival). What a bummer of a date.

Maybe I was disappointed. But it also gave me a certain level of confidence. I wasn’t the orphan that no one wanted to date. That boy wasn’t for me. But I would find the one that was for me.

It was just one boy. All I needed was one boy. That is what I told myself three years and many dates later. Many of my friends were married. Some were even expecting their second child already.

And once again it was Mrs. Schonfeld that guided me through the process. She spent countless hours on the phone with me. We discussed my dates and how to go forward. She encouraged me and constantly reminded me that I could do hishtadlus, but the results weren’t up to me.

I was fortunate that I never seemed to have a shortage of boys to date. And Baila and Yehudah continued to be a support for me, as did all my siblings. But it didn’t take away my loneliness. When would it finally be my turn? When would I be able to finally have a home of my own?

I kept myself very busy. I had a full-time job plus many volunteer jobs. I went to shiurim and Tehillim groups. And I learned how to talk to Hashem, both through formal tefillah and with my own words.  Davening three tefillos a day was very important to me. I would ask Hashem to please help me remain b‘simchah until He sends me my zivug.

I was in a truly happy place the night that my friend Malki’s younger sister got married. I was dancing away at her chasunah when another older single friend said to me, “How can you be so happy? She is so much younger than you. Malki has a whole family already. Don’t you feel jealous? Even a little?”

I was honestly surprised by that question. I thought for a second and answered, “No.” I was not jealous. She didn’t take away my chassan. Her wedding had nothing to do with mine. I still wished so badly for my own chasunah to happen already but I was truly happy for that night’s chassan and kallah.

I realized that my talks with Mrs. Schonfeld, my tehillim groups and shiurim, must have affected me positively.

I repeated that conversation to Mrs. Schonfeld. She responded by showering me with brachos that soon it should be my turn.

And then I met Chesky. The details of our courtship don’t matter. When I think back to the three weeks that we were dating, I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach. I remember emotions ranging the full spectrum from anxiety to euphoria.

I see myself crying at my mother’s kever, begging her to be a meilitz yosher for me as I made this momentous decision.

And I see myself standing at my vort looking gorgeous. Fingering the beautiful diamond bracelet that graced my wrist.

And then I sprang into full-fledged wedding preparation.

I was a kallah. The girl without parents was getting married!

To be continued…


(Originally featured in Teen Pages, Issue 931)

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