Photos: Menachem Weinreb, Naftoli Goldgrab

H

e’s frequently overlooked, yet the entire shul spins within his orbit. He’s the shul gabbai, the man whose penetrating gaze scans over the white talleisim for a shishi candidate or a suitable baal tefillah.

Shamashim of old tended to be unlearned souls who obtained their room and board in exchange for putting away the seforim and leining the parshah. Today’s gabbaim, in contrast, are likely to be business executives with packed schedules — and even the local daf yomi maggid shiur.

What they have in common are the tricks of the trade: how to get the recalcitrant to be the baal tefillah. How to divide the aliyos fairly and keep people happy. How to temper the verve of the Yossele Rosenblatt wannabe.

They have their stories as well.

Ever heard the one about the guy who came to a shul and was given revii? Enraged, he said to the gabbai, “Back home, you know who they give revii to? The dregs of society!” The gabbai responded, “Same here.”

Then there was the fellow who insisted on being called “Moshe ben Yaakov shishi” in hopes of scoring the privileged aliyah.

Yet for all their power, gabbaim return to being ordinary humans after shul — almost. Their faults are played out at a hundred Shabbos seudos, and the times they get it right are usually rewarded with silence. But even though accolades are few and far between, they agree the job has its rewarding moments. So gartel up and listen to the chronicles straight out of shul, as told by six gabbaim.

Itzu Kornfeld grew up in the Mesivta shul in Montreal which began with a group of mostly Hungarian Holocaust survivors. Today’s minyan is primarily a younger crowd. He retired about two years ago after 25 years on stage, and he still proudly davens there.

Dov Grossnass has had his British accent ring across the hall of the Beis Medrash Tefillah L’Moshe in Montreal for nearly two decades. Led by Rav Yechiel Meir Katz, the Dzibo dayan, the shul seats between 60 and 100 people on an average Shabbos.

Zev is a gabbai in a Midwood shul with about 60 mispallelim and wants to remain nameless for this article. In return, he gave one of the most outspoken interviews. He has been gabbai for a dozen years.

Yankel Grunfeld has been the gabbai of the Tenka beis medrash, a prominent shul in Boro Park, for about 35 years. The shul, which is a bit Hungarian oriented, was established over a half century ago by Rav Chaim Eluzer Friedman. Today it’s the local “minyan factory,” with over 100 mispallelim on an average Shabbos.

Shimon Greisman has been calling the shots at the Mirrer Yeshivah for about half the yeshivah’s history in Flatbush, or about 30 years. Led by roshei hayeshivah Rav Asher Berenbaum and Rav Asher Kalmanowitz, the minyan attracts about 200 people each week.

Arash Normand is the “gabbai president” at the Ahavat Shalom Congregation in Baltimore, which caters to a largely Persian crowd of about 35 families.

How do you know when to pressure someone to be the baal tefillah?

Shimon Greisman: “I know my regulars already. Sometimes it’s a ‘no’ and you can tell he’s just not in the mood. I’ll usually not pressure too much. If I can’t get someone right away, I’ll fall back on my regulars. The past few years, the bochurim have been davening Shacharis in yeshivah on Shabbos, so we let them daven from the amud. Otherwise, it’s not so easy to get people who are willing to daven, so we switch off among the ones who want to.”

Itzu Kornfeld: “I went with my gut. I tried to annoy the least amount of people as possible. Because there’s no perfect baal tefillah. One guy likes chazzanus, one guy likes schlepping, others like davening quickly. My job as a gabbai, I felt, was not so much to make people happy but to annoy as few people as possible. That’s why we say ‘Kol ha’osek b’tzorchei tzibbur HaKadosh Baruch Hu yishalem secharam’ — because from the balabatim, you’re only going to get aggravation.

Dov Grossnass: “I’ve seen a change over the years. The previous generation felt a much greater appreciation for davening before the amud. It was a much bigger kavod and there were chazakos. I find that today the kavod associated with it is less intense than it used to be.

Zev of Midwood: “There are special gestures and body language that speak very loudly. I can pick up the way he says no — is it an emphatic no or a noooo. You could pick it up. I’m usually trying to get a baal tefillah rather than trying to decide whom I should give it to. It’s such a hassle — everyone should just pitch in a little. I find myself going again and again to those who are willing to go because everyone else doesn’t want to. I have my bag of tricks. Sometimes I’ll go over to them and say, ‘Okay, pick your choice, Shacharis or Mussaf. You’re going, just pick which one.’ They’ll then say, ‘Okay, I’ll take Shacharis.’ Or I’ll say, ‘You davened three weeks ago so I’m not asking you this week.’ Then, when I come over to him the next time, he’ll go up.’”

Arash Normand: “Most of our mitpallelim are from the younger generation who went to yeshivah so we don’t have this problem. I would say 50 percent of the people have no problem being the baal tefillah.”

How do you deal with the person who constantly pushes for the amud?

Arash Normand: “On Shabbat morning, we’ll try to get the best daveners with the nice voices. But during the week, we’ll try to make everyone happy by just going down the list.”

Zev of Midwood: “We judge it on a case by case basis. Sometimes we have to get the rav involved. You see, here’s why I don’t want my name in the article, because some people will read it and it could get touchy. Many times I’ll take the blame for myself to cover up what the true reasons might be.”

Yankel Grunfeld: “We try to accommodate them, but we can’t give them every Shabbos. And then sometimes, I go over to 30 or 40 people asking them to go over for Kabbalas Shabbos. So I reserve those who want to daven for when I need it.”

Shimon Greisman: “Usually, if he’s still within a range of decency, we’re going to let him daven.”

Itzu Kornfeld: “If I thought it appropriate, then I would send him over. If not, then I wouldn’t — sorry, buddy. Let the chips fall where they may.”

Is there anything a chazzan could do to never warrant the amud again?

Zev of Midwood: “I constantly ask for feedback from others. What the olam resents the most is someone who schlepps it out too long. There’s one person who I send over because I have to, but I try to limit that baal tefillah because I’ll get complaints from people that he davens too long. I’m not talking about davening a little slower, but someone who does chazzanishe pieces.”

Dov Grossnass: “In all the years I’ve had that one time, when a chazzan did something that I could see made people extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t give him the amud for a very long time. He sang out the brachah of Yotzer Ohr on a regular Shabbos in a way that it took about 12 minutes. He did a chazzanishe shtickel in a way that nobody was interested in.”

Yankel Grunfeld: “If he doesn’t know the nusach, we won’t send him over, unless he has a yahrtzeit, and we have no choice. I only daven when I have yahrtzeit, because I know I don’t daven well.”

Shimon Greisman: “If he changes the nusach very badly or doesn’t follow the minhagim of the yeshivah. One thing that would be a killer is if he starts chazaras hashatz and doesn’t wait for the roshei hayeshivah. That would be a nonstarter. It’s happened, but very rarely.”

Itzu Kornfeld: “There were some people who davened who I wouldn’t want to give again, but as a gabbai, I had to put my feelings aside. I’m not serving myself, I’m serving the people. Not everyone dislikes a slow davening. There’s a certain segment that likes it.”

As a gabbai, what do you want people to know?

Shimon Greisman: “Offer to daven for the amud.”

Dov Grossnass: “Most gabbaim are not out to play favorites or offend people. We make mistakes from time to time, but it’s never personal. We want to do the best for the mispallelim and we want them to get all the kibbudim they would like. Please don’t take offense.”

Yankel Grunfeld: “Do whatever the gabbai tells you. If you think you deserve the amud and others want it too, just listen to the gabbai. Then you’ll have peace. I’ll be the one to have to knock my head what to do.”

Zev of Midwood: “Try to put yourself in the gabbai’s position and understand that you don’t always know all the facts. There are so many behind-the-scene things that have to be played out. And please, if the gabbai asks you to daven before the amud, go!”

Arash Normand: “There’s so much going into even the smallest things that you see. So whether it comes out good or bad, there are people who put their utmost effort into it. If your wife makes supper, it’s not all perfect. You still say, thank you for the food. In shul also.”

How do you get tefillos to start on time?

Yankel Grunfeld: “On Shabbos morning, the Rav says the brachos. He starts on time — not 9:01, not 8:59, but exactly 9 o’clock. In the meantime, I have time to look for a baal tefillah for Pesukei D’zimra. On the weekday, we’re not so punctual aside for the Rav’s minyan. That’s on the second. It’s all the way you start the minyan in the beginning.”

Dov Grossnass: “I daven Pesukei D’zimra myself. A shul that starts on time finishes on time, and it keeps everything tight. People should feel that things are moving.”

Shimon Greisman: “I only do Shabbosim. On Shabbos it starts by the clock. There’s no such thing as starting late. It also helps that in yeshivah we don’t have a baal tefillah until we get to Shochen Ad.”

Itzu Kornfeld: “I learned from my old rav, who used to get up to the amud and start — 7:30 was brachos, 7:40 was Hodu. He said Hodu even if he was the only person standing there. Because if you allow the minyan to start late, every day it becomes a little bit later. If you start a minyan on time, it lasts. If you don’t start on time, no way.”

Zev of Midwood: “This is one reason why the rav appointed me to be gabbai, because I’m always there on time. He told me, ‘I want the davening to begin punctually.’ Whatever happens, I make sure I have someone at the amud on time. When the baal tefillah is standing there, automatically the olam has to tag along. If you want to know the success of a minyan, it is starting on time, and the only way to do that is by having a baal tefillah. Punctuality is the key.”

Arash Normand: “We had a hard time in the beginning, but we got a lot of complaints. Now we try to start on time. We are sort of successful in that.”

What is the most memorable thing to happen to you?

Yankel Grunfeld: “There were two people who didn’t get along. One was an older person and the other was middle-aged. The older person bought an aliyah one Yom Tov and told me, in Yiddish, to give it to ‘mein zihn’ — my son. The other person’s name was very similar to the way he said ‘mein zihn.’ I didn’t hear good and I called up punkt the person he was in a fight with. The guy started screaming, ‘What are you doing? I bought it for my son!’ Anyways, the other person thought he bought him an aliyah to make up, and they became good friends because of that.”

Dov Grossnass: “I once thought the rav had said that anyone who shaved during the Three Weeks should not receive an aliyah. I was selling the aliyos when someone tried purchasing one for his son, who was shaven. I told the man that the rav would not be happy with that and he accepted it. Then, when it came to selling maftir, another man who was bidding also said it was for his son, who was also shaven. When I told him what the rav had said, he went over to the rav and asked him, ‘Did you say that?’ The rav answered, ‘No, I did not say that.’ So I gave the son an aliyah. The first purchaser was so angry at me that when he would see me in the street, he would cross over to the other side. Three years later I made a bar mitzvah, and I decided on a whim to give the man shishi. I still remember the look on his face. All I can tell you is that by Minchah, he was my best friend. Now, when I meet him on the street, I’m the one crossing over to the other side, because every time we meet it means a 15 or 20 minute conversation.”

Shimon Greisman: “My first week, I forgot to open up the aron kodesh and prepare for Shabbos Mevarechim. Also, one year, the morning after the Pesach Seder, I woke up late and they had to scramble without me. I came in late, and that was very embarrassing. But it’s pretty tame over there. Also, it makes me very proud to be a Yid when I see people being mevater on something that’s coming to them because someone else insists on it.”

Arash Normand: “I once sold the aliyot and I bought chamishi for myself but I forgot. They were looking for who bought the aliyah. We auctioned it off again and then somebody tells me, “Wait, didn’t you buy it yourself?” And I was like, “Hey, I did.” I was that busy. After that, I made cards, and whenever anyone wins the auction, he gets a card.”

How do you give out the aliyos fairly?

Shimon Greisman: “We have no hosafos ever — unless forced by chiyuvim. If there’s a simchah, I’d offer the baal simchah any aliyah that is open. After we give all the chiyuvim, the baal simchah gets whatever is left over. Remember that this is a yeshivah crowd, so they are very understanding about it. They are baalei middos. I’ve never had anybody scream at me. Also, I write down after Shabbos who got an aliyah, and I try to keep track who didn’t get. Also, one of the roshei hayeshivah stands next to me and lets me know if a person is making a simchah and is too quiet to tell anybody.”

Yankel Grunfeld: “We give two aliyos specifically to bochurim. Baruch Hashem, we have a big siyata d’Shmaya that we just about have no arguments about aliyos at our shul. I try to be fair — we have a list that we go through to make sure everyone gets an aliyah. In all my years as gabbai here, I don’t remember ever — or maybe 99 percent of the time — having a problem.”

Shimon Greisman: “We have no hosafos ever — unless forced by chiyuvim. If there’s a simchah, I’d offer the baal simchah any aliyah that is open. After we give all the chiyuvim, the baal simchah gets whatever is left over. Remember that this is a yeshivah crowd, so they are very understanding about it. They are baalei middos. I’ve never had anybody scream at me. Also, I write down after Shabbos who got an aliyah, and I try to keep track who didn’t get. Also, one of the roshei hayeshivah stands next to me and lets me know if a person is making a simchah and is too quiet to tell anybody.”

Arash Normand: “We’ve tried different ways but we don’t have one way yet that works.

We tried doing it by request, but some people are shy. We tried selling it, but not everybody has the money for it. We now sell shishi and maftir, and on busy weeks, we sell everything.”

Which words do you most dread hearing?

Shimon Greisman: “A fifth person coming over to tell me, ‘I have yahrtzeit today.’”

Dov Grossnass: “‘You forgot about me.’”

Yankel Grunfeld: “I don’t dread hearing anything. I always tell people, if you need anything just ask for it.”

Itzu Kornfeld: “‘I’m a bigger chiyuv than the other guy.’ And most of the time, he’s wrong.”

Zev of Midwood: “‘I can’t daven but I’ll get someone else for you.’”

Arash Normand: “‘I’m not getting what I’m looking for in the shul.’”

What is your hardest day of the year?

Shimon Greisman: “The Tishrei season. There is a constant, day after day of taking care of things, selling seats.”

Dov Grossnass: “Rosh Hashanah. We do pesichas ha’aron so many times, and I have to make sure it goes to the right people.”

Yankel Grunfeld: “When there are a lot of simchos. I have to know who to give an aliyah to and who not to. Also, I have to make sure the guests don’t talk during the davening.”

Itzu Kornfeld: “Erev Rosh Hashanah. You have to arrange the seats, and there are always last-minute changes. You also have to make sure everything is spic and span for Yom Tov.”

Zev of Midwood: “Simchas Torah. There’s so much going on, and people are sometimes not at their best behavior. They have to be checked.”

Arash Normand: “Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.”

What is your most enjoyable day of the year as gabbai?

Dov Grossnass: “Simchas Torah. People tend to be more easygoing then.”

Yankel Grunfeld: “Simchas Torah. People are happy with whatever they get.”

Itzu Kornfeld: “Simchas Torah. Everyone is freilech and happy.”

Arash Normand: “Simchat Torah. It’s the end of the whole season, you finished all the hard work of the month. Also, everyone gets an aliyah so nobody complains.”

What is the most expensive day of the year for your shul?

Shimon Greisman: “Simchas Torah, with all the peckelach.”

Dov Grossnass: “Simchas Torah, when the shul makes a kiddush for everyone.”

Yankel Grunfeld: “Every day is the same.”

Itzu Kornfeld: “We run a tight ship, so there are no major differences from one day to the next.”

Arash Normand: “Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. We have to rent a place — we have almost three times the number of people coming on those days.”

What do you do that no one will notice?

Shimon Greisman: “I don’t think people appreciate how much work goes into preparing for Yamim Noraim.”

Dov Grossnass: “Changing the sefer Torah, usually late at night. Also, learning the halachos before any big day.”

Yankel Grunfeld: “When I smuggle in an extra aliyah when I need it. But some people notice everything.”

Itzu Kornfeld: “Making sure the paroches and sifrei Torah are changed on time, making sure the milk is there, the coffee and hot water. All the little things that people don’t notice until it’s done — or not.”

Zev of Midwood: “Cleaning off dirty tissues people leave under their siddurim.”

Arash Normand: “When I go shopping for myself, sometimes I see something that the shul needs and I just buy it. My wife asks me sometimes, ‘How come the bill is so big this time?’ And I say, ‘I don’t know.’”

Do you have tips for younger gabbaim starting out?

Shimon Greisman: “You have to have patience and you have to be maavir al middosav — not hold a grudge. And always try to honestly do what you think is best. Most people will appreciate that.”

Zev of Midwood: “Try to be honest and fair. If you do it l’Sheim Shamayim, you’ll have the siyata d’Shmaya that comes along with it. Put away your pride and ego, prepare to swallow, and things will fall into place.”

Arash Normand: “The sechar is a lot but the job is not easy. If you get complaints, just brush it off. Just let it go. Look at it that you’re here to do a service. That’s all.”

Yankel Grunfeld: “Keep the peace. That’s the main thing — make sure to keep the peace and that there are no fights. And don’t have arguments with people. And you have to have a lot of siyata d’Shmaya.”

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 757)