The Bang Gang — Scene 6: Act 3
| August 19, 2020Make sure you leave it the way you found it. Any holes you dig gotta be filled in. Got it?
ARON, a slow-moving fellow who likes to take life easy
BORUCH, trying to cope with a big sister who always knows better
NOSSON, clever and articulate, often talks in italics to make a point
GERSHON, creative, and quick to think of new ideas
BORUCH: What’s up?
GERSHON: The detector is supposed to beep when it detects metal — but I just realized it doesn’t have batteries.
ARON [shrugging]: Let’s give up and go home. There’s a giant bag of potato chips there calling my name…
NOSSON: Give up? Go home? We’re the B.A.N.G. Gang! We do not “give up”!
GERSHON [approvingly]: That’s the spirit! But where will we get batteries from?
BORUCH: One of us can run home. It’s not that far.
ARON: Count me out. I’m not running anywhere.
NOSSON: I’ll go, no problem. See ya, guys!
[He runs off. Aron parks himself on a bench and drifts off to sleep.]
GERSHON: Let’s do a practice run, without batteries, just to get a feel for it.
BORUCH: Yeah, good idea.
[Gershon swings the detector over the ground. Suddenly, there is a loud bellow. Gershon and Boruch look up and freeze. A big, burly park ranger in advancing on them threateningly.]
[Enter PARK RANGER]: What are you boys up to?
GERSHON [nervously]: Um — nothing. We just wanted to do some metal detecting.
PARK RANGER: Oho! Not in this particular park, you don’t! It’s strictly prohibited!
BORUCH: Sorry, we had no idea.
GERSHON: Yeah, we didn’t see any signs or anything.
BORUCH [in a conciliatory tone]: We’ll definitely go elsewhere now that we know. Um — can you suggest where?
PARK RANGER [looking slightly mollified]: Over there, behind the tennis courts, there’s a patch of wasteland you can use. [He glares at the boys.] Make sure you leave it the way you found it. Any holes you dig gotta be filled in. Got it?
GERSHON and BORUCH: Got it!
[GERSHON trudges over to the wasteland with the device, while BORUCH waits for NOSSON. NOSSON arrives, puffing and panting.]
BORUCH: Listen, the park ranger made us move. [points] We’ve gotta go down there.
ARON [waking up with a jerk]: Wha — hey, where’re you going?
BORUCH: Come along, we’ll tell you on the way.
[The boys arrive at the wasteland, and Gershon inserts the batteries. He starts sweeping the detector over the ground, listening intently. Not a peep.]
NOSSON: You sure it’s working properly? Let’s test it with a coin.
[Nosson drops a coin on the ground and Gershon swings the detector over it. There is no response. Gershon brings the device closer. Only when it’s almost touching the coin is there a faint beep.]
NOSSON: Something’s wrong. I said we should’ve read the instructions. Gimme the booklet… Aha! Got it! The sensitivity level needs adjusting.
[A few minutes later, Gershon resumes detecting.]
[BEEP! BEEP!]
NOSSON [rushing forward]: Okay, time to dig. I need a stick — here we go!
[A few seconds later there’s another BEEEEEP! Boruch grabs a sharp stone and starts digging for all he’s worth. He holds up his find with a flourish. It’s an old, bent, metal screw.]
NOSSON: Look here, guys, I can definitely feel something metallic! We’re gonna be rich. Here it comes!
[He reaches down and holds up his find with a flourish: nothing but an empty can. There is a collective groan.
Unfortunately, there is no more metal to be found. The B.A.N.G. Gang troops home disconsolately. They pass by Gershon’s’s house, where his big sister is waiting outside.]
BIG SISTER [with unaccustomed enthusiasm]: Oh, there you are, Gershon! Mommy told me you’ve all become detectorists. I lost an earring in the front yard and I can’t find it. Can you try and trace it with your detector?
GERSHON: I guess so.
[BEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
BIG SISTER: Hurray! My earring! You just did a huge mitzvah. You kids are the best!
[She runs inside to call her five BFFs. The B.A.N.G. Gang look at each other and shrug.]
NOSSON: Well, it does say in Mishlei a good name’s more desirable than great riches…
GERSHON: Exactly. We’ve struck gold — spiritually!
[The boys break into a rousing rendition of Tov Li Toras Picha…]
End of Act 3
(Originally featured in Mishpacha Jr., Issue 824)
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