The Bang Gang: Scene 2, Act 3
The B.A.N.G. Gang’s bookbinding venture flopped, achieving nothing but some badly dented books
ARON, a slow-moving fellow who likes to take life easy
BORUCH, trying to cope with a big sister who always knows better
NOSSON, clever and articulate, often talks in italics to make a point
GERSHON, creative and quick to think of new ideas
BORUCH: Okay, sis, I heard you. We should’ve checked out what awl means…. Yeah, yeah, and we should’ve read the instructions properly before we started…. Look, the other boys are waiting for me. Gotta go.
BIG SISTER: [muttering under her breath] Sure hope you guys don’t do anything dumb this time.
BORUCH: [dials in to the teleconference] Hey, guys.
GERSHON: At last! What happened to you?
BORUCH: Don’t ask. Big Sister was lecturing me about the bookbinding….
NOSSON: [feelingly] Ouch. Not fun.
GERSHON: Wait, where’s Aron? Are you there?
[Huffing and puffing sounds are heard. Aron comes on the line, sounding breathless] Hi!
GERSHON: Hey, what’s up? You okay, Aron?
ARON: Whew! Just been chased off the couch by our new cleaning lady so she can polish it. Honestly, can’t a guy get some peace around here? First my mother’s on my case about going biking, and now Gloria’s on my case!
BORUCH: Well, what’s wrong with biking? It’s healthy, fun—
ARON: Stop it; I don’t wanna hear. As far as I’m concerned, I get enough exercise going from couch to pantry. And besides [smirks] — my bike has a flat tire, and my big brother who usually fixes it is busy, so forget it.
GERSHON: Hey, you’ve just given me an idea for our next B.A.N.G. Gang skill!
[A rather unenthusiastic silence greets his words.]
NOSSON: Erm — it’s not anything to do with books, is it? Not to mention owls.
GERSHON: [unfazed] Nothing to do with books at all! No, you’re gonna love this, guys! [Pauses for effect]. We’re gonna teach Aron how to change his tire!
ARON: Wha — hold it! I’ve never changed a tire in my life! My brother always does it.
NOSSON: First time for everything. It’s easy as 1-2-3. Okay, let’s go. Aron, you’ll need a pump and a repair kit.
ARON: Guys, I’m too tired, honestly. I’m taking a break… [his voice fades away as Aron heads for his favorite couch]
[A loud, commanding voice with a distinct foreign accent is heard. Enter Gloria] Get out! You scram, before I call Meesus!
ARON: [comes back on the phone] Er —guys, actually I decided I don’t need a break after all. I’ll just get the pump and stuff, and you can talk me through it.
[After a brief discussion, the boys decide that Gershon will start.]
GERSHON: Okay, Aron. First you’ve gotta get the wheel off.
ARON: How in the world am I supposed to do that?
GERSHON: You loosen the brakes. Then you stand on the side opposite the chain and open the quick release.
ARON: [groaning] Whew, this is impossible — hey, got it!
GERSHON: Okay, now remove the tire.
NOSSON: You need a lever; actually, two.
ARON: Yikes, the levers are in the living room.
GLORIA: I TOLD YOU, SCRAM! [makes the universal sign for “crazy”] You sumasshedshly!
ARON: Oh my, she’s got a temper. I’d better keep out of her way.
[Aron attempts valiantly to follow the rest of his friends’ instructions, while ignoring Gloria’s dire threats. At last, Aron is ready to reattach the wheel.]
BORUCH: Great. Now, close your quick release. Get back on your bike.
ARON: I’ll do a quick test run.
[Rides along smoothly, then hits the brakes, which he forgot to retighten.]
ARON: Help! HELP! I can’t stop the bike! The brakes aren’t working! It’s taking me down the hall… into the living room…
GLORIA: Get out! Get out! Aaaaaah!
[The line goes dead.]
to be continued…
(Originally featured in Mishpacha Jr., Issue 816)
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