THE B.A.N.G GANG: Scene 4
"It’s time you did a helping job, Aron — on behalf of the one-and-only B.A.N.G GANG!"
Characters:
- ARON, a slow-moving fellow who likes to take life easy
- BORUCH, trying to cope with a big sister who always knows better
- NOSSON, clever and articulate, often talks in italics to make a point
- GERSHON, creative, and quick to think of new ideas
Scene 4:
GERSHON: Hey, B.A.N.G GANG, y’all there?
NOSSON: Yeah, anyone missing? If you’re absent, make yourselves known immediately, ha ha!
BORUCH: [whispering] Hey, guys. Keep down the volume. My big sister’s still in a tizzy after the whole palaver with polishing her shoes.
GERSHON: What! Why on earth? Isn’t she grateful to you for polishing her shoes?
BORUCH: Well, you see, there was a, um, slight hitch. I did polish them.
NOSSON: So what’s the problem?
GERSHON: Yeah, what’s with big sisters nowadays?
BORUCH: Thing is… I polished them with white polish.
GERSHON: What’s wrong with white polish?
BORUCH: Well, you see, the shoes were black. And extremely expensive. They got ruined.
[There is a shocked silence]
BORUCH [hastily explains]: But it wasn’t my fault. The bottle was black. The lid was black. How was I supposed to know there was a little, teeny, weeny white sticker on the front? It’s the company she should be angry at, not me.
GERSHON: Yeah, quite right.
NOSSON: Too true. Now listen, guys, where’s Aron? ARON? YOU THERE??
ARON: [gives a loud yawn] No need to yell. I’m right here.
NOSSON: How was I supposed to know? Why didn’t you say anything?
ARON: Dunno. Too tired, I guess.
BORUCH: What’re you so tired from? Been busy?
ARON: Well, you know. It’s hard work lying on the couch, heh heh.
NOSSON: It’s time you did a helping job, Aron — on behalf of the one-and-only B.A.N.G GANG! Try it, you’ll feel refreshed! Rejuvenated! Reenergized!
ARON: Huh?
GERSHON: So, it’s agreed, you’ll go next, yeah? After all, Boruch and I have both done our bit for the cause already—
ARON: [muttering under his breath] and a big help that was…
GERSHON: …So this time, you’ll be the helping-hero-at-home, right? What’ll you do? Mop the floor? Polish the shoes?
ARON: No way, not after what happened to you guys. Listen, gotta go, I need a nap.
GERSHON: Wait! You’ll nap later. Do your job, and then nap all you like.
NOSSON: Uh-oh, my kid sister’s signaling that she needs to use the phone for one of her essential telephone calls.
BORUCH: What about doing a job out in the garden? It’s safer than indoors.
[A squeaky voice speaks. Enter NOSSON’s KID SISTER]: One more minute! That’s all you got! I hafta make a ’portant call…
GERSHON: You could mow the lawn, trim the hedges, paint the shed—
ARON: Enough! Tell you what, I’ll water the flowers. [muttering to himself]: That shouldn’t take more than a minute.
KID SISTER: I’m calling Mommy to get you off the phone. Mommmeeeeee!!
[ALL 4 BOYS]: Bye!
[Aron reluctantly goes in search of a watering can. In the process, he knocks over a jug on the counter. Brown liquid spills out, splashing onto his shoes.]
ARON: Yikes, what have I done? Why do people leave things in dumb places? In any case, I can’t stop to clean up now. I’ve gotta get this job done, and then I need a break.
[Aron goes out to the front garden and starts watering the flowers. Suddenly, he looks up and freezes.]
ARON: A dog! Yikes! He’s coming into our front garden.
[The brown dog sniffs around his shoes. A moment later a black dog appears, too, followed by a poodle. They all start licking Aron’s shoes enthusiastically.]
ARON: Aaaaaaaaaaargh! I know you’re not supposed to run away from dogs, but this is too much!
[He turns and makes a run for the front door. The brown dog, the black dog and the poodle follow him excitedly. Just then the loud, annoyed voice of ARON’S MOTHER floats out of the kitchen]: Good grief! What a mess! Who spilled the jug of gravy? Just wait until I get my hands on them….
To be continued…
(Originally featured in Mishpacha Jr., Issue 812)
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